Chugging Along

This is pretty much the first time I've had to sit at the computer all day. I may still be sick, but apparently the world doesn't grind to a halt just because I want to take it easy.

It's been a decent day so far. The food is on track and I managed to finally find a pair of exercise pants that will do the trick. At least now I have something that won't start to fall down if I opt to do jumping jacks!

The exercise has not happened yet, and since it is pouring rain I am not sure if the nice long walk I was planning on doing tonight will take place. I may just decide to don my new winter jacket, hike up the hood, and brave the elements anyhow, but that still remains to be seen at this point.

Shiny And New

I am feeling a lot more chipper than I was earlier. I’m not sure why, but I am not really questioning it either. I like being happy, so why complain?

I tried pomegranate arils for the very first time today! Yum, yum! Why have I never had these before? Texture wise, they are a little harder than I had thought they would be (they do contain seeds, after all), but they had a lovely grape-like coating that I really enjoyed. I will definitely be buying these in the future so thanks to everyone who keeps on mentioning them in their blogs… I finally took the advice and tried them and am so glad I did!

Oh, and I found a muscle this evening! I have always had fairly decent biceps, even if they were covered over by layers of fat, but tonight I discovered something new. Apparently I am developing the muscles that run from the tops of my shoulders to the middle of my upper arms. Are those my deltoids? I’m not even sure what I’ve been doing differently that might be sculpting them apart from the fact that I am about a quarter of the way through the 30 Day Shred. I’m more than happy to take the improvement though!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft pesto tortilla shell with deli chicken breast, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 cups chicken noodle soup
- 1 cup Apple Jacks cereal with 1/2 cup 1% milk
- 2 cups spinach salad with 1 crumpled wedge of light Laughing Cow, croutons, pomegranate arils, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour and 25 minute walk
- 25 minute workout video

I Still Have A Cold, But Now I'll Be Warm

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I definitely wasn't feeling it! I did, however, manage to finally find a passable jacket at a second-hand store. It's nothing like what I would normally pay money for but it was only $10. My only requirements were that it had to have a good hood, be thick enough to provide adequate warmth, not cost over $50, and not be completely fugly. Seriously, why did it take me so long to find something that matched my criteria? I don't think I'm that picky.

I was still not in the best of moods when I returned home. The cold I have been fighting these past few days seemed to be retreating last night, but decided to make a big show of its last stand as of this morning. I just want to be well! I opted to crawl back into bed for a short nap and that seemed to help. I am not feeling quite so moody since I woke up again. I really hope this passes soon! I am sick of being sick!!!

Watching Paint Dry Would Be More Exciting Than This

They took away my clothes today. All the items I packed up a couple of days ago were on their way to a charity as of this afternoon. It’s weird to think that I am now rid of all the things that didn’t fit… there’s no turning back now.

My day has been okay. I am feeling a bit emotional. I am still having a lot of trouble finding an affordable winter coat and new exercise pants. Everything costs so much and I just don’t want to fork out the money when I know that I will only be wearing what I buy for a short time before I am too small to make it work anymore. Positive thinking at its best, but it’s still leaving me frustrated.

I forced myself to eat what I did today. I just was not hungry at all. I guess consuming all the random things that I did yesterday threw my body for a loop.

I wish I had more exciting stuff to talk about, but that’s all I’ve got. Maybe tomorrow I will have tales of musical ninja aliens to report, but this was just a low key, boring kind of day.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft pesto tortilla shell with deli chicken breast, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 egg omelet with cheese, cherry tomatoes, onion, and pepper
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 2 cups celery with tzatziki yogurt dressing and calorie-wise three cheese ranch dressing

EXERCISE:
- 2 hour walk
- 25 minute workout video

Repercussions

I feel positively ill. And, no, it’s not because of me being sick. I feel like this because my body is no longer used to all the crap that I stuffed it with yesterday.

I feel slightly nauseous and my stomach is very rumbly. My energy is even lower than it was before I decided to cram all that food into my mouth. My tummy is even slightly distended and I have made the likelihood of a gain on the scale on Saturday almost a guarantee.

I am thinking positively, believe it or not. I was never aiming for perfection – who on Earth can live up to that?! – so I’m not going to count this as a failure. As long as I can learn from this experience I am actually further ahead in a way than I was before it happened. Hence, why I am making sure I record the horrible way I am feeling right now. Hopefully future potential episodes can be averted by looking back on this post and seeing how awful that amount of those types of foods make me feel.

I am sending all of the leftover snacky things that I bought yesterday into work with my husband. I am not craving them anymore, but I also don’t want to end up tempted by keeping them in the house. It’s time to get back to the new lifestyle I have worked so hard to create.

As a side note, I think it’s pretty funny that one of the definitions of ‘repercussion’ is ‘the state of being driven back by a resisting body’. I think that right now my own body is being pretty overt in its resistance to what I ate yesterday. It serves me right for serving me wrong!

Would You Like A Side Of Epic With That Fail?

Ask me how tempted I was to just skip posting my food today. On second thought, don’t ask; I’m pretty sure anyone could figure it out with just a glance at the list.

Apparently my Achilles’ heel is being sick. The desire to have comfort food while feeling as crummy as I do was just too much for me to handle. I made it through about half of the day without doing too badly, but then I knew the fight was over when I caught myself thinking about how I would justify on this blog the choices that I was going to be making.

I am able to put a little bit of a positive spin on the whole experience. First, when I finally made the decision to eat the foods I was craving I did so for two genuinely good reasons. I have heard time and time again that denying yourself whatever you are really wanting will often lead to consuming even more calories in the pursuit to divert than you would have had if the initial craving had simply been satisfied. Obviously I would prefer to avoid that. Plus, I have never thought of this new lifestyle as one that deprives me of anything. If I start making any foods completely off limits, then I am basically implementing the all or nothing attitude that only created frustration and led me to put on more weight in the past. Again, this is something I need to be wary of.

Furthermore, I did put forth some effort into limiting my portions. Prior to starting this journey I would have eaten the entire tube of potato chips, the whole box of cookies, and pilfered many more chocolates. I probably would have bought a large bag of candy, some caramel popcorn, and a two-liter of root beer and polished that all off too. This time, I checked the nutritional information prior to eating so that it was at least in my head beforehand, and I was very conscious of every bite. I took smaller portions only and walked away to eat so that I could assess in between helpings if I wanted more rather than sitting there with the entire package in my lap as I used to.

Does this sound like I am justifying? I’m not sure.

Overall, I certainly can’t claim that I am proud of the way I ate today. I know I caved. It was not a great moment in this journey. However, I also know that it does not mean that I have actually failed nor that I can’t start doing better again from this precise moment. I will keep at this and just hope that the cravings brought on by my being sick are finally satisfied.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 2 cups chicken noodle soup
- 1 grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread with cheese, fat free Miracle Whip, and margarine
- 2 chocolates
- 1 mug caramel apple spice drink
- 2 sandwiches on white onion buns with cheese slices, fat free Miracle Whip, and margarine
- 12 potato chips
- 2 cheese slices
- 1 mug of decaffeinated tea with milk and honey
- 5 lemon cream cookies

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute workout video
- 15 minute walk

Down, But Not Out

My energy levels are low at best because of this cold, but I am going to try and do a workout right now anyhow. I can easily alter the moves to suit how I am feeling and put in whatever 100% looks like for me today (which, I’m guessing, is somewhere around the 50% mark from any other day). I’m just trying to keep at it and stay committed. I will probably attempt to comfort myself with some nice, hot soup afterwards…

Sick-o

Ugh! I have been trying to fool myself all day, but there is no denying it… I am sick. I spent all of yesterday and today trying to half ignore it and half fight it off, but I guess I have to finally face the truth.

I absolutely hate being sick. I hate how run down I get and how irritated I can feel. I despise the aches and pains that go along with an illness and I really don’t like the way it takes me out of commission for accomplishing the things I need to do.

In all fairness, this is not a really bad sickness. I would wager it is far more likely to be a cold than a nasty flu. However, I still have a general sense of ickiness about me that I can’t wait to shake off. Being forced to pause by forces out of your control sucks, especially when you feel as geared up to go full out at getting things done as I do right now.

I wish I could just be better and not have to play the waiting game with this that I know is necessary. I know I’m whining a bit here, but I really do not want to be sick! I want to be well enough to go for long walks and give my full energy to more active workouts. I don’t want to feel like I am at the mercy of the food cravings that seem to accompany being ill as a means of seeking comfort. I don’t want to slow down!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 wrap on a soft pesto tortilla shell with deli chicken breast, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 cup of honey mustard glazed ham with mustard
- 1 banana
- 1 1/2 cups movie popcorn with butter
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 2 cups spinach salad with croutons, orange pepper, mushroom, dried cranberries, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing
- 1 homemade lavender shortbread cookie

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute workout video

Without A Net

I was up really, really late last night because I was going through and discarding all of my old clothes. There is a charity picking up unwanted garments which is coming through my area in a couple of days, so I was finally forced to do what I had been putting off for so long. I suppose even my procrastination can only last so long.

I tried on just about every single piece of clothing that I own yesterday and I bagged up probably about three-quarters. My husband (who you may recall, has lost over fifty pounds himself) was able to put together two and a half garbage bags of garments to donate; I was able to load up four more myself. Between the two of us, we also threw away nearly two other full garbage bags of items. It’s crazy to think about how much we had in the house that just wasn’t right for us anymore, and it was really interesting to go through all of the things that I have outgrown in more than just one way.

First I had to get rid of the stuff that I had that was still too small but would never fit right again – these were the items that have been saved for several years or longer. About four years ago I did another extensive cleaning of my wardrobe and pitched or donated anything that was way too small, but I held onto the things that didn’t seem too far outside of the realm of possibility at the time. Those are the items I am talking about; things that I had when my body was simply different. I weigh less now than I did when I used to wear those pieces of clothing on a regular basis, yet now they are tight in some areas and baggy in others. The normal stretching that goes with a well-used shirt, for example, eventually leaves them unusable for others since they don’t hang right – while I am the ‘other’ in this situation the same holds true. My body is too different now to accommodate the clothing I regularly wore when I was in my twenties.

The next section of garments to go where the ones that I have saved for so long that I don’t like them anymore. Some were horribly out of date, a few were a bit too young looking, and still others just didn’t match my current style. There were even a number of button up shirts that I had bought when the trend was to wear them clasped just at the chest and open everywhere else, revealing whatever top was worn underneath. All of those were initially purchased gaping at the buttons, but now they do up without issue… and looked terribly outdated to boot. There were also lots of things that I had to bag just because – again – they simply were not right for my body; they fit, but did not look at all flattering since my shape is so different than it was half a decade ago. There were countless times throughout the evening where either my husband or I commented that the piece of clothing I had on just didn’t do anything for me.

I also had a bunch of clothes that I had to throw away because they had holes in them, were stained, or generally discoloured from too much time spend abandoned in my dresser. A large amount of everyday undergarments were found stashed at the back of one drawer and they had to be discarded because they were simply so old that the elastic was gone in the bottoms and the bands of the bras were too large to clasp properly around my torso anymore. Interestingly, a lot of my older, nicer lingerie fits again so about a quarter of the clothing items I was able to keep are all things my husband has an extra appreciation for.

Finally, I was also able able to donate all of the things I have outgrown over the past few months. That was definitely the funnest – but also the hardest – part of the evening. It was great to see what progress I have made, yet still difficult to watch some of my recent favourite items being turned over to charity. It was staggering to put on a number of tops that, one after another, bulked out too much to be even remotely flattering and made me look much heavier than I now am because of all the extra material. And trying on all of my bottoms… what an experience! To step into pants, shorts, and skirts and have them all literally fall off of me while I am standing there or just wiggling a little was unbelievable. I took off so many pairs of jeans that were still fully zipped and buttoned that I lost count! The emotional aspect of this exercise was huge, of course. I decided to keep my largest pair of jeans and two tops to help remind me of where I have come from. It is frightening to think about how little I actually have left to wear (I don’t think the copious amounts of lingerie I was able to save will serve me well in the general public). Ridding myself of not just the clothing I have recently grown out of, but also of many items I held onto for years and years, was – however – very cathartic. I really am feeling ready to move on. I won’t lie: it is scary. The thought of putting all those bags out on the curb for collection in two days, effectively leaving me with no safety net, is enough to send my mind racing for alternatives. But I know I’ve got this. I know that I am going to be fine and that this is the right thing to do and the right time to do it. I am confident that moving forward with my life, and putting such huge parts of my past to the curb, will serve me far better than any safety net. It may be a bit scarier now, but as I fly though the air looking for that next trapeze to grab onto, my eyes are firmly set ahead and I am moving forward with the knowledge that letting go is no longer an option.

Goodnight

I can’t remember the last time I was up this late. It was an interesting evening, but I have got to get to bed. I will recap tomorrow, but suffice to say my food and exercise were okay today and I am finally moving on from my yesterdays.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 small Mandarin oranges
- 6 inch sub on a whole wheat bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise
- 9 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1/4 cup unsalted cashews
- 3/4 cup fat free peach yogurt with 1 cup honey nut Cheerios
- 1 homemade lavender shortbread cookie with sprinkles
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute workout video

Catching Up

Food and exercise were bang on today, but now I am just so sleepy! I have been catching up on all of my emails and other random online stuff, cleaning the house, running errands… It is so easy to get behind this time of year. At any rate, I will be turning my attention towards blog reading over this next week, so I hope I haven’t missed out on too much over the Christmas holidays. I wish I had been able to keep up with the reading over the past couple of weeks, but something had to give; I promise I will be all caught up soon. Right now, I am just going to turn in though… the pillow is calling my name and I have never been one to ignore talking inanimate objects.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with ham, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free lemon chiffon yogurt with 1 cup honey nut Cheerios
- 1 banana
- 4 cups spinach salad with herb goat cheese, croutons, orange pepper, dried cranberries, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing
- 1 cup celery with calorie-wise three cheese ranch dressing

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute workout video
- 45 minute walk

Weigh-In For Week 21

It is the first weigh-in of the month, the year, and the decade, all of which means that it is time for me to update my measurements:

Weight - 181.2 lbs (-73.4 from start / -12.6 from Dec.)
Bust - 40.0 inches (-10.0 from start / -1.0 from Dec.)
Waist - 38.0 inches (-10.0 from start / -2.0 from Dec.)
Hips - 44.5 inches (-10.5 from start / -3.0 from Dec.)
Arms - 15.0 inches (-2.5 from start / -0.5 from Dec.)
Thighs - 26.5 inches (-6.0 from start / -1.0 from Dec.)
BMI - 28.4 (-11.5 from start / -2.0 from Dec.)

…and, of course, provide the tell-all progress picture…
I am happy! How could I not be? Somehow I have managed to lose 2.4 pounds since last week; I have no idea how I was able to do that. It must have come off just in the last two days because up until Thursday I was seriously worried that I might show a gain on the scale. Maybe it was the new exercise video I have been doing? I know mixing it up has provided some pretty solid results in the past.

At any rate, I am thrilled with my statistics this month! I can’t believe I still managed to pull off significant losses in all areas considering it was Christmas time. Seeing the numbers all written out like they are above really provides me with a boost to keep going strong! Plus, I am just 0.2 pounds away from being able to say I have lost 85 pounds from my highest weight! I am so happy to be starting off the New Year with such a feeling of accomplishment!

Cold War

I did something I haven’t done in about a decade today. I did the polar bear swim! Oh my, is that water ever cold!!! It was so great to go running down to the water and into the freezing waves, a huge grin plastered across my face as I debated my own sanity. And then I gulped in a deep breath a moment before plunging my head under the surface of the cold, cold water only to shoot back up a second later and to turn tail and retreat to the much warmer embrace of the shoreline. Yeah… it was that good!

It was significant too. The reason I haven’t done the dunk for at least the last few years is because I was scared. I know that I can be a hypochondriac at times and I am fully aware of the fact that this fear was based on nothing but my own insecurities, but I was genuinely worried that my body – specifically, my heart – wouldn’t be able to handle the stress and shock that goes along with throwing oneself into such chilly water.

It may be unfounded and silly, but it’s true. I was convinced that I had a real chance of suffering some sort of damage, such was the state of decline I had allowed my body to enter. But today I knew that I would be fine. Today I was confident that everything I have done over these past few months has left me fit and strong. Today I faced more than just the cold water!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 4 cups Caesar salad with bacon pieces, Parmesan cheese, croutons, and light dressing
- 1 mug gingerbread steamed soy milk
- 1 cup broccoli with dill dip
- 1 cup white rice
- 1 cup vegetable and chicken stir fry
- 1 slice homemade zucchini bread with butter
- 1 small mug caramel spiced apple cider

EXERCISE:
- 50 sets of walking up and down stairs (not all at one time)
- 25 minute workout video
- 5 sets of 25 side lying leg raises for each leg

Happy New Year!

We are a just a few hours into the new year now and I am feeling positive about many of the changes that started to take shape in 2009. This new decade brings a continuation of the good habits that I have worked so hard to form and I am feeling confident that I will reach all of my health goals in 2010.

I ended the year starting a new project. I purchased the ever-popular 30 Day Shred a couple of days ago and purposefully decided to try it out prior to the proverbial ball dropping. I wanted to make sure that I did not feel like I was making false promises to myself that solely hinged on being perfect from January 1st onwards. Any changes that I am implementing are important in and of themselves; they don’t need a significant starting date as they are simply a continuation of what I have already begun to build. Hmmm… apparently I am waxing philosophical – I blame the glass of wine I had at midnight. Anyhow, that’s why I started the program today rather than waiting until tomorrow. I’m not sure if I will attempt to do thirty days of the video in a row at this point or not, but I am glad that I have a new tool and something different that will bring variety to my workouts.

I managed to complete twenty-six and a quarter hours of exercise in the month of December. Yes, I fell short of my goal of thirty-five hours, but I am still thrilled that I managed to get in as much as I did considering how hectic this past month has been. Overall, I averaged over fifty minutes of purposeful activity per day. I think that is quite an accomplishment! My main reason for starting the exercise tracker was to keep my focus and to not lose sight of the importance of working out as my schedule became increasingly full. I honestly think that this was achieved, so I am counting this one as a win even though I didn’t actually meet my goal.

I hope that this New Year finds you all safe, joyous, and feeling hopeful about the prospective gifts of the next 365 days. May all of your dreams and wishes for the coming months be fulfilled and may you find the strength, courage, motivation, focus, and desire you need to do your part in making them all come true! Happy New Year!!!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 3 cups spinach salad with herb goat cheese, croutons, dried cranberries, orange pepper, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with ham, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 pear
- 1 glass of white wine
- 6 walnuts

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute workout video
- 1 hour and 5 minute walk