Thursday, August 20, 2009

Intimate Details

My husband and I made a difficult decision yesterday. We are currently facing the deadline that we had given to ourselves for when we wanted to have the conversation about trying to have children. We both have the normal nerves surrounding the subject, but we also really want to be parents sometime in the near future.

So after my fears about the whole low blood pressure thing flared up my husband gently recommended to me that when I do get pregnant that I should not go anywhere near the internet since my hypochondria will likely be fed to an astronomical degree. As soon as he said it, all of the anxiety that I've been feeling on exactly that topic came rushing to the surface.

He's completely right. As a mother-to-be, in the shape I'm in now, I would be the worst for experiencing paranoia over every hick-up, heartburn, or morning sickness experience. I would automatically assume the worst and probably do more harm through my worrying than anything that could have occurred with all my imagined symptoms combined.

I am ready to have a child - as ready as any person can be, that is - but I am absolutely terrified that my weight and poor fitness level will bring harm to either myself or the baby I would have inside of me. Concern over diabetes, risk of stroke, and birthing complications come into my mind regularly when I think about carrying a child. At the very least, I suspect that the nine months of pregnancy would be a time of fear and anxiety rather than joy and expectation.

So, with tears running down my cheeks, I told my husband all of this. And he kissed me and told me we could wait. I suggested just a couple of months until we talk again... long enough for me to feel like I have put a dent in my weight loss journey and like I am a healthier version of the me that is typing this now.

My current goal is to weigh 150 pounds by the end of next July. If at that time I have a baby growing inside of me, I will happily and with great joy re-adjust my vision. In the meantime, my husband and I have made the very difficult choice to hold off on trying for a little while, and I now have a new reason to work hard at getting in better shape. I'm not only doing this for me, but for the beautiful baby that I want to hold in my arms sooner rather than later.


  1. Talk to your doctor!!!! Unless he/she tells you to wait...just get pregnant.

    I am proof that an overweight thirty something can have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I waited many more years than I wanted to wait..."waiting to get skinny so I could get pregnant". I decided it was not going to happen and we wanted a we just did it. I weighed almost 225 with my first and only gained 11 pounds, I lost down to about 217 when I got pregnant with the up to about 235...I have two beautiful boys, not a complication in the world...working on getting healthy still now...and finally making progress because I want to be around a long time for them. GOOD LUCK!!

  2. Thank you so much for your comment... I definitely will talk to my doctor about my concerns. I do think though that it is the right decision for us for the time being. We are only postponing for a couple of months and I am confident that I will feel much better about getting pregnant once I have been working on my healthier lifestyle for a little while longer. Thanks for the well wishes!

  3. It is a tough decision to hold off especially when you really want a baby. I think whatever healthy changes you make to your lifestyle will benefit both you and the baby even if you aren't at goal when you get pregnant.

    At one point your age will be more of a risk than your weight but your doctor can let you know about that.

    Good for you for deciding to focus on getting healthy for yourself and for your children. Remember its not just the pregnancy you need to be healthy for but for raising them as well.