Issues And Tissues

The day has flown by with one time-consuming moment after another and I feel like I’ve barely gotten anything accomplished. That’s not good considering how much I have on my ‘to do’ list this week! At least I am feeling a tiny bit better today. The sinus congestion has turned into a runny nose, which means I am running out of tissues, but I am pretty sure I am on the mend.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 2 bananas
- 1 cup beef in black bean sauce
- 1 cup honey garlic pork
- 1 1/2 cups chow mien
- 1 large tropical smoothie
- 2 hard boiled eggs
- 2 small Mandarin oranges
- 2 pork chops

EXERCISE:
- 50 minute walk

Yes, I Would Like Some Cheese With That

I am sick! Ugh! I have been fighting it and fighting it for a few days now, but I must concede: I have a cold! And it’s that can-barely-breathe type of cold too – the kind where if you couldn’t open your mouth you would probably asphyxiate. I am so achy too. And I have an annoying cough. Sigh...

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 bite of cheese with pear jelly
- 3/4 cup green salad with Caesar dressing
- 1 toasted raisin bagel with cheese slices
- 3/4 cup fat free vanilla yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake granola cereal
- 1 pumpkin pie fruit and granola bar
- 1 cup chicken bites with mustard
- 1 cup garlic and chive roast potatoes
- 3 homemade cheese biscuits with margarine
- 1 pear

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Sizing Things Up

I found a stash of old clothes today. That was interesting. They were all bigger, random sizes: everything from 18 through 24. My husband asked if I could get both of my legs into one of the pant legs on a particularly large pair of corduroys and I could. Wow!

The thing that astounded me the most though is when I realized why I had put away all of those clothes and somehow forgotten about them. At some point, they were all too small.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 toasted raisin English muffin with pepperoni and cheese slices
- 3/4 cup peach yogurt with 1 cup Rice Krispies cereal
- 4 cups beef and broccoli
- 1 mug eggnog steamed skim milk
- 1 1/2 pears

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

One Theory

I had a hard time deciding whether to bring attention to this or not, but I really think that I must...

I find the theories that are bouncing around about how my past months of struggle have been an experiment are quite insulting to anyone who is dealing with the issue of overeating. I have been nothing but honest in what I write on here and all that has been witnessed is a very raw glimpse into the ongoing journey of someone who doesn’t have it right just yet. The only difference between what I have been experiencing and what countless men and women go through on a daily basis is that I had an audience. You may not understand what has been happening with me – I don’t need you to – but I do request that you don’t make light of the difficulties people like me go through. Please, for the sake of those who come here looking for help in their own struggles, do not make wild inferences about the intentions of this blog. Surely those who are experiencing similar difficulties do not need to hear that there are people out there that simply can't comprehend it as being a reality for some. It is real. And so, too, is the potential for such unacceptance to cause damage to others.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 2 bananas
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 2 scrambled eggs with cheese and pepper
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 2 cups tortilla chips with salsa
- 2 pieces of ham and cheese quiche
- 2 homemade cheese biscuits
- 3/4 cup fat free peach yogurt with 1 cup Rice Krispies cereal

EXERCISE:
- 30 minute walk

Warming Up

I think I did fairly well today with the eating. Considering that we had problems with the heat quitting on us and my stress level jumped up at that little issue, I would say that I am happy with how things went. One step at a time, right?

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 2 scrambled eggs with cheese and pepper
- 2 pancakes with margarine and syrup
- 1/2 apple pear
- 1/2 cup breaded chicken bites with mustard
- 1 cup chicken flavoured basmati rice
- 1 1/2 cups steamed broccoli with margarine
- 6 honey garlic chicken wings

EXERCISE:
- 15 minute walk

Vicious Circle

A few days ago I decided to take what I can only describe as a food vacation. I have done my very best to loosen my mental concerns around this area because I really have not given myself such a break since beginning this journey back in August of last year. This is not to say that I have eaten well all of the time – in fact, it's no secret that the last couple of months have been really horrible – but I have been far too mindful of what I was eating and I needed to give myself a reprieve.

When every single morsel that goes past your lips is considered in great, over-analytical detail it can become a very painful process for someone who is stuck in the guilty circle of overeating. So I took a few days. And I am very, very glad that I did.

And now its time to get back at it.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 4 glasses of water
- 2 butter popcorn rice cakes
- 1 banana
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 1 1/4 cups pretzels
- 2 scrambled eggs with cheese
- 1 small glass wild cherry juice
- 1 strawberry cereal bar
- 1 eggnog steamed skim milk
- 1 sandwich on a baguette with turkey, cheese, lettuce, and herb mayonnaise
- 1 large apple fritter
- 1 coconut shortbread cookie topped with jam
- 3/4 of a chocolate éclair
- 2 strawberry milkshakes
- 1 bite of a chocolate frosty
- 1 large lime smoothie
- 5 small slices of pizza bread

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour of a capoeira class
- 15 minute walk

Happy Birth Day!

Regardless of the troubles that we may sometimes face, there is always a ray of sunshine waiting to push away even the darkest of clouds…

My step sister had a baby today and I just couldn’t be happier for her and her family!!!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 3 glasses of water
- 5 butter toffee rice cakes
- 1 mug eggnog steamed skim milk
- 1 piece of a cranberry bar with icing
- 1 peanut butter chocolate bar
- 1 large glass of root beer
- 6 inch toasted sub on a Parmesan oregano bun with deli ham, deli turkey, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, green pepper, black olives, honey mustard, light mayonnaise, and pepper
- 2 white chocolate macadamia nut cookies
- 3 bites of a pesimmon
- 1/2 cup black cherry yogurt
- 2 lime smoothies
- 1 small slice pizza bread
- 2 Thai chicken strips
- 1 cheeseburger on a hamburger bun with bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, and sauce
- 1 cup yam fries with spicy mayonnaise
- 1 almond toffee candy

EXERCISE:
- 15 minute walk

Stuff

I don't have a lot to say after my earlier post. I am still sorting through stuff...

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 2 butter popcorn rice cakes
- 2 toasted English muffins with egg, bacon, cheese, and margarine
- 2 almond cookies
- 1 gingerbread man with icing and candy decorations
- 1 piece of apple strudel with drizzled icing
- 2 sandwiches on onion buns with cheese slices, light mayonnaise, and margarine
- 1 whipped cream doughnut with powdered sugar
- 1 cup pretzels
- 2 caramel cookies
- 2 shortbread cookies with vanilla icing
- 1 coconut cookie with chocolate icing
- 1 shortbread cookie with lemon icing
- 1 1/2 cups steamed broccoli with cheese sauce
- 1 small scoop of rum and raisin ice cream, 1 small scoop of granny smith apple ice cream, and 1 small scoop of tiramisu ice cream on a waffle ice cream cone
- 1 shortbread cookie with jam

EXERCISE:
- 15 minute walk

Disturbed

It seems that everyone has a lot to say in regards to my journey nowadays. And because I have so few answers even for myself lately, I have not been replying to the majority of the comments. But I lost a follower today whom I liked and whom I respected.

What saddens me about this is that apparently my pathetic inability to get on track right now coupled with my phenomenal capacity to remain open and honest about what I am doing is apparently disturbing. I am doing the best that I can. But now I wonder if I am doing more harm to the weight loss community by posting than I would be if I just stopped all together.

I have a rather large follower base, for which I am extremely grateful. Yet now I have to ask if allowing others this look into my life is causing potential harm? I have had my disclaimer on the side of this blog for many, many months, but is it enough? Maybe I should call this quits so that I don't drag others down with me...

I'm sorry I can't be more for all of you right now.

Out Of The Ordinary

I am not a big drinker in the least, but tonight I treated myself to my very own bottle of ice wine! It was a lovely indulgence and I admit I am feeling very relaxed and content right now. After another game of backgammon with my wonderful husband I think it will be time to turn in. What a truly nice evening…

And I must note that I am flabbergasted about, flattered by, and forever indebted to the now more than 500 individuals who have decided that this online journal is worth following. Thank you all so much! You are an incredible bunch of people and I truly appreciate that you take the time to read my words and comment on my journey. You are fabulous!!!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 4 glasses of water
- 3 small slices of cranberry whole wheat toast with margarine
- 1 1/2 cups candied popcorn
- 2 pieces of chocolate zucchini cake
- 4 sandwiches on onion buns with cheese slices, light mayonnaise, and margarine
- 1 large glass root beer
- 4 cheese slices
- 4 glasses of cola
- 4 small glasses of ice wine
- 35 small whole grain crackers with 2 1/2 light Laughing Cow cheese wedges and hot pepper jelly
- 1 orange cream chocolate bar

EXERCISE:
- 6 hours of cleaning and painting trim

Almost Positive

I had a lovely day with family today! Spending time with loved ones really is the best gift! I wish I could see more of the people I care about on a regular basis…

I am consciously easing up on being concerned about what I eat for the next couple of days. I just feel like I need a little mental break before I get more fully back into the swing of things. Part of me argues that I shouldn’t be doing this – that it is a shadow of the return of so many times in years past when I would binge on foods that I would then not allow myself when attempting yet another diet – but I think I am finally getting into a good enough place that I can tell that I am not just fooling myself like that. At least I hope so. This feels like I am being honest and simply need the break from focusing so much on what is going into my stomach. Being aware of every single bite for nearly sixteen months has earned me a moment of reprieve, I think.

I will keep recording everything and have no intention of going totally crazy. I just finally have a day or two to relax a tad and I would like to incorporate that into every aspect of my life. I hope this works…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 4 glasses of water
- 2 toasted English muffins with egg, bacon, cheese, and margarine
- 3 small pieces of a chocolate peanut butter bar
- 1 white bun with deli ham, a cheese slice, lettuce, and margarine
- 1 mug tea with cream
- 8 thin ginger cookies
- 1 sugared doughnut
- 1 glass cola
- 1 mug hot chocolate with whipped cream
- 1 glass of a piña colada smoothie
- 1 cup Caesar salad with Parmesan cheese and croutons
- 6 ounce rare steak
- 1 1/2 cups yam fries with chipotle dipping sauce
- 1 slice pumpkin cheesecake with whipped cream and chocolate sauce
- 2 cups candied popcorn

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

A Necessary Distraction

I am so tired! I was all ready to head to bed over an hour ago because I have an early start in the morning, but – as usual – other things distracted me and now my eyes are scratchy! Ah well… at least I find the things I do interesting and worth investing in. If nothing else, I generally enjoy it when life distracts me so…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 6 glasses of water
- 3 butter popcorn rice cakes
- 2 glasses cola
- 3 slice cranberry whole wheat toast with margarine
- 5 homemade chocolate marshmallow treats
- 2 slices whole wheat toast with margarine, cinnamon, and sugar
- 1 extra large eggnog milkshake
- 6 pieces of an Alaskan sushi roll with soy sauce
- 6 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 5 pieces of a dynamite sushi roll with soy sauce

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute walk

Feeling Buggy

I am fighting a cold or the flu or some sort of bug. My body is achy all over right now and I am starting to feel cranky. I think it is time for bed…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 3 butter popcorn rice crackers
- 1 apple fritter
- 1 mug eggnog steamed skim milk
- 1 piece of a cranberry bar with icing
- 1 piece of a peanut butter bar with icing
- 1 homemade oatmeal raisin cookie
- 1 glass of cola
- 3/4 cup pasta with white cheddar sauce
- 4 slices whole wheat cranberry toast with margarine
- 1 slice homemade fruitcake

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour and 20 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (25 minutes long and 55 minutes long)

Walk It Off

I am feeling really emotional. It just came on like a ton of bricks this evening and I have not handled it well. On the slightly better side, I did manage to get in some pretty good walking time today. It’s just too bad it won’t make up for the surplus of calories I consumed at the end of the night.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 3 miniature Mandarin oranges
- 1 banana
- 1 strawberry bran muffin
- 1 piece of a peanut butter bar with icing
- 1 golden delicious apple
- 5 chocolate filled tube wafer cookies
- 3 butter toffee rice cakes
-1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk
- 12 cheese crackers with cheese
- 1 mug eggnog steamed skim milk
- 1 cup pasta with Parmesan and garlic cream sauce
- 5 honey garlic chicken wings
- 1 1/2 cups onion wings with honey mustard sauce
- 2 cups peanut butter and toffee chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour and 10 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (50 minutes long and 20 minutes long)