It seems that everyone has a lot to say in regards to my journey nowadays. And because I have so few answers even for myself lately, I have not been replying to the majority of the comments. But I lost a follower today whom I liked and whom I respected.
What saddens me about this is that apparently my pathetic inability to get on track right now coupled with my phenomenal capacity to remain open and honest about what I am doing is apparently disturbing. I am doing the best that I can. But now I wonder if I am doing more harm to the weight loss community by posting than I would be if I just stopped all together.
I have a rather large follower base, for which I am extremely grateful. Yet now I have to ask if allowing others this look into my life is causing potential harm? I have had my disclaimer on the side of this blog for many, many months, but is it enough? Maybe I should call this quits so that I don't drag others down with me...
I'm sorry I can't be more for all of you right now.
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You odn't have to be anything to anyone. I think the dropped person was probably disturbed by the last two posts put together. I could be wrong though. In the first post you essentially said 'you hoped' you were doing the right thing..and then got a flood of negativity...and I hope some positive and constructive language as well...and then in your earlier post you kind of just didn't seem to address any of the prior comments. In almost felt a little through the looking glass...Like I said, you shouldn't let anyone's approval or disappointment drive you away. I hope you find what is dragging you down. The only one you owe anything to is you.
ReplyDeletePersonally I enjoy reading your blog and hope you continue. It is YOUR blog, and you can do however you wish on here. If someone has a problem with it, they can choose to not read it. Please don't let other's influence how you feel and what you want to say. No matter what you write, you're bound to rub someone wrong.
ReplyDeleteI will just say that it is your blog, and what and how you choose to share is your own choice. I am still following, and I see that many others are, as well. If one person left, that is also their choice. This blog is for you, and if you had no followers at all, you could still get something out of the writing that you do.
ReplyDeleteI have a small following, but I still write posts frequently, because it helps me sort out my life. If I weren't writing here, I wouldn't be examining my issues and journaling. I have had "lightbulb moments," based on what I have written, which have been of great benefit. It's almost therapeutic, and how many followers I have is unimportant in the scheme of things. Remember--you only have to please yourself, and your honesty should offend no one. But with 500 followers, you have touched many people.
Oh, I really hope you decide to continue blogging. Even though you’re going through a rough patch, I think coming here and accounting for what you have ate is not only helpful to you but helpful to your followers as well. I know some people who have been following you for a longer time than I are probably saddened to see your recent missteps but I don’t feel that not blogging is the answer. If anything, it would probably help (you especially) if you maybe even had more transparency. Start posting about your honest feelings, what is going on in your life to cause this wrong turn, perhaps posting your weight would snap you back into line…
ReplyDeleteSomeone a couple posts ago suggested disallowing anonymous comments. I totally agree with this. If you read through the comments, you will see that an overwhelming majority of the anonymous comments are filled with snarky, abusive language. They are not giving tough love; they are dishing out hate (perhaps a reflection of the own shame they must feel with themselves?). Meanwhile, your real supporters are here with either encouragement or what I feel is true tough love. I think it would be a real shame for you to stop blogging and I know I would miss you and your honesty.
I have commented a few times because I personally relate to what you have and are doing. I had a large weight loss and have gained about 25 of it back. I am now back on track - I have lost 5 again. Here's the deal - no one gets to 266 pounds without some habits that are hard to break. In my case, I lost focus of why I was doing it. My motivation was origianlly health and then it turned to vanity. For me, that was not a motivator. I have never felt ugly. So, for me, it was remembering why I did it in the first place. It's such a head thing. Based on what I have been reading, you need to take time for you. For me, it started getting my life in order (nothing related to weight) and the health followed. I am still trying to figure out the root of it all, because I think that's the key.
ReplyDeleteI hope you keep posting. You have done something very few people have done.
The question is: What do YOU wanna do?
ReplyDeleteThe ones who are disturbed enough to leave should leave. And the number of followers you have is not a concern. I mean, what does it matter if you have 5, 15 or 500? Seriously, it's not like you 1. have stuff to sell or 2 interact all that much, so number of followers is a non-issue.
I think what you're doing in terms of honest logging of food is fine. In fact, it may eventually be a source of insight for YOU. I also think it's a good cautionary experience for those who think it's easy to stay on any weight loss plan, even when one reaches goal (or close).
What SHOULD be disturbing to you and concern you--not followers, not your content--is your own health. That's what really matters.
The rest of us will read or not read, comment or not comment, as it should be. We're just readers. This is YOUR life.
Be well..
Okay, I would suggest you be even more honest and post your current weight. No weight update since October looks...well...weird, when you're honest about food intake. Yes, I do think you should continue honesty to that element....
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have be anything or do anything for your readers. I don't think any of us want you to be thin to be an icon for us. It is probably the honesty of the "list" combined with the apparent disconnect of your comments from that list that is a concern to us. I say apparent because I am sure you are fully aware of the unhealthfulness of your current diet. I hope you stick with the blog, because that is a positive activity no matter what else is going on. Cathy
ReplyDeleteI've seen nothing disturbing in what you've been doing. Regardless of how much you weigh now, you've managed to lose over 100lbs and that's amazing! And you're still struggling with making all the right decisions all the time, but really I think that's pretty much impossible. I completely agree that you need a reprieve.
ReplyDeletePerhaps this one person couldn't handle some of the difficulties you've been having lately, but to me you're still a great inspiration no matter what and I can tell you'll be able to get back on track sooner or later. I think it would be very upsetting if you stopped blogging before you did.
If you don't feel like blogging is helping you, then maybe you should consider not doing it anymore, but if you're worried about helping others, I guarantee that for each person who may not find this blog helpful there are many more who do.
We all go through tough times...and currently you are documenting those tough times...and that is fine. It can't always be perfect. If the blogging helps you...continue. If you think it is not helping you anymore then stop.
ReplyDeletePeople read blogs for different reasons. If people are coming to my blog looking for dramatic weight loss every week, they can't find it...but they can find consistent workouts. But my blog helps me.
I have enjoyed your blog from my blog beginning and hope you continue...I know you will find your track again!
Maybe instead of posting you could just keeping writing your food down in a journal at home. We really don't need to see how to gain weight. We all know perfectly well how to do that. We also know you are tired all the time. That may be due to your lifestyle but most likely to your food intake. Crappy food makes you feel crappy. Do whatever you like ... it's your blog ... however, it's not worth reading anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we continue to read it ... probably hoping by chance that you've got your groove back on and are back to the wonderful writer and inspiration to others that you used to be.
Did you start this blog for your 500 followers or did you start this blog for YOURSELF? If it's not for you, then don't do it. And if people that care to read YOUR blog say anything less than positive or helpful, then drop THEM. This is YOUR journey. YOUR emotions. YOU thoughts. Don't let other people take that away from you. Keep doing what you're doing. (WHICH IS AMAZING BY THE WAY!)
ReplyDeleteI personally like reading your blog. The good, the bad, the pretty and the the ugly. It shows that you are human. Even once you lose down to where you want, you are still human, and you can still back slide and go back up. It gives us who are struggling the courage to continue, even though we back slide. I think I've been on this journey a little less time than you have, but I've lost the same 30 pounds and gained it back. I just can't seem to get past that. You are human, and anyone who stops reading your blog because you aren't doing what they think you should do, or how well they think you should do you probably don't need anyhow. This is your life story, not a story for anyone else's benefit. You are inspiring, but you are your own person too. Just keep doing what you're doing.
ReplyDeleteIf this blog is helpful for you...keep doing it. And if you need to...turn off the comments or make it private. You don't owe anything to ANYONE. No one has to read. I for one enjoy your blog. But I think you need to do what makes you feel good.
ReplyDeleteRemember some of the things you posted not long ago:
ReplyDelete6. I am doing what I feel I need to because I must help myself before I can help others.
7. I still keep a daily journal which ensures that I am ever cognizant of my choices.
8. I record every scrap of food and every pathetic attempt at exercise without fail.
9. I have not shut down nor deserted my blog which, I know, many of my predecessors have.
10. I will persevere.
I've never been an official follower but I've read since I started blogging myself. I agree with a lot of what others have said...the blog is for you. You can say what you want. You have never read my blog so I don't know how much you've ever interacted with other bloggers, but I think the fact that you have been sort of mechanically listing your food without much discussion and then not responded at all to commenters has begun to give the blog an "unreal" feeling.
ReplyDeleteYour struggle is very real, but your lack of connection to it or to us feels odd and off. Besides the haters who've anonymously commented all along there have been positive and supportive comments - and still nothing from you. The fact that it took losing 1 out of 500+ followers to "wake you up" speaks even more to addictive type thinking and behavior. I say that not as criticism but as a comrade and fellow sufferer. I thought the way you lost the weight so fast and without a single gain in many months (7, I think) was extreme and very unusual and wondered if a big crash was in the offing.
Finally, the fact of no weighing is entirely your business and understandable. But when people have asked for so long about it and been entirely ignored for so long - again...very odd. To not even muster a simple, "thanks, guys, but I'm laying off the scale for now"...disconnected. Odd. Sad. You have a lot of support and love here. Please Please Please try and begin to let it in.
Again all I will say is, don't let anyone other than you define your journey for you. They don't have to read your blog, and if they can't deal with the way you are living your life, then its their loss to continue having you in their life. I'm personally very inspired that despite you're not closely following anything, you are still posting every day and keeping yourself aware, if not accountable. When you're ready, you'll try something else. But don't stop because a couple of bitchy naysayers don't think you're living your life right. Fuck them.
ReplyDeleteDo not sign off because you lost one follower. Seriously this blog is about YOU and no body else. We all read because we care. Stay strong for yourself. this is your journey and I LOVE to read it.
ReplyDeleteI just want to throw 2 more cents in ... this is not directed just at this blog, but blogs in general. By all means ignore the haters, but I disagree that all comments should be positive. Expressing concern, courteously, is not being a hater. I think it is one of the reasons we are in this forum ...
ReplyDeleteI read occasionally and I'll say it again. Don't let snarky people who don't have the balls to post under their own names get to you. You are being honest. Some people only want the happy story and don't want to know that it's still hard once you lose the weight. They don't want to face that their problems wills till be there when they lose the weight. Losing the weight doesn't fix everything and from what I've seen in the last few months, it often can get worse before it settles down. You are being honest with yourself by posting. I think it would be way too easy to just slide completely back if you didn't do this every day. I think posting current weights would go along with food but, hell, it's your dang blog. Do it your way. It's not about how many stay and how many leave. It's about what you need to do for you. Just keep doing little steps and they'll add up when you're ready. I personally think that you look great at 160 and it'd be perfectly okay to maintain at that. It's not about what I think or anybody else though.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'd say to disable anon comments like the 1st comment above. To those people, if you don't wanna read it, just leave without the commentary. Do you honestly think that helps her at all? It's not about you if you post here.
To me after reading some of the comments that people were writing against you eating massive amounts of junk food on an almost daily basis and then not exercising were no more right than the ones giving you the enabling support for doing what you are doing. If you want to subconsciously gain back on all the weight or knowingly not exercise even though you know it's going to bring back the frustrations you had before than that is your deal. We are just writing our opinions. If someone gets fed up or doesn't feel like your blog is worthy of their time that's on them not you. You do what you need to do and they do what they need to do.
ReplyDeleteIf people want a weightloss fairy tale let them go and read some crap story in a women's magazine. What you are dealing with 266 is the reality of weightloss. Lots of us support and admire your honesty and struggles. Do what is best for you but know there are supportive people out there cheering you on for better or worse.
ReplyDeleteBlog for you, not us. I have read since almost the beginning. I see me in your words. My struggles are your struggles. Do what works for you.
ReplyDeleteI would say discard all the negativity and go about your journey in your own individual way. Afterall, it's you who has to be you, not them. If it works for you, then it doesn't matter if they disapprove. They should be happy for you and wish you ever chance of success, not trying to downgrade your methods of going about it.
ReplyDeleteBlog for you.
I'm more of a lurker than a commenter, but I just had to speak up about this post - I've been following your journey for awhile now and want to applaud your honesty and openness about your successes and struggles. Losing weight is HARD and maintaining is even HARDER and very few people get it right the first, second, or tenth times! Struggling is completely normal and expected!! Thanks for keeping it real - you've done an amazing thing and all you need to be right now is true to yourself.
ReplyDeleteWrite for yourself, we all struggle and misery loves company. I think most commentors intend to be supportive and empathetic. You've accompmlished a lot so far and you can do more. Don't dump us - and more importantly don't quit on yourself. You'll get back in the groove, hopefully soon.
ReplyDeleteI remain anonymous for very good reasons related to personal safety, not because I don't have "balls". I do, however, sign my name at the end. I have followed you almost from the start, but am not an official "follower" because I don't keep an account. I will keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI believe that you are doing the best that you can right now. I have been where you are. I have come out the other side, relost the weight, but I know the work is never truly over.
I've been dreading the day you decide to shut this blog down because I suspect that it may be the primary behavior keeping you from retreating into greater denial, and with out this blog you will sink even faster into denial of the consequences of compulsive overeating (believe me, oh, please, denial is a complex and sneaky SOB that can and does creep up on many of the most intelligent, most talented, & most insightful folks among us).
I fear that the compulsive overeater within you has been unconsciously looking for a reason to shut this blog down...for the purpose of which I believe you know very well.
Continued courage in your endevour!
Be well in peace dear girl.
Robin
losing/listening to 1 in 500 people is 0.2%
ReplyDeleteIn other words, you would be ignoring 98.8% of your followers because they were telling you that you are worth it. And listening to 0.2% because they tell you you aren't.
You don't have to be perfect to be amazing.
Really.
You don't have to listen to the bipolar NOS girl with a special needs daughter and and out of work husband. I'm just 0.2% of your base following.
BUT
you've touched my life for the better.
believe it or not I am trying to set up a blog but I am waiting to get some help because I don't quite understand how to do it.
ReplyDeleteI am of the oppinion that there are a lot oppinions on here..to which each one of you are entitled.
I have seen some good, caring, wise advice in both camps.anonm. and nonanonm. I have also seen very foolish statements made in both camps. I am of the persuasion that we are to glorify God in our bodies because we have been bought with a price..but that is just my oppinion. Each one has to work it out for themselves..if you are able to receive good councel, all the better.
If it wasn't for your blog,I wouldn't have mine. So I hope you don't go but if you do, thank you for being here while you were. You are an inspiration!
ReplyDeletehttp://dearskinnyme.blogspot.com/
A lot of people care about you here. It's true, it is your blog, but once people have given their attention and time and support, your readers do feel a kinship with you. They want to know how you are, and what's wrong, and why things have so drastically changed. No, you do not *owe* anyone an explanation or answers or even acknowledgment, but as bloggers we have to consider that people who do care about us, probably do deserve to have the caring returned. It's hard, I know, I have been guilty of getting exasperated with certain comments too. And I think the anonymous harshness is cowardice. Your email address is right there on your blog, and if someone is concerned and cares they can email you "the hard truth" privately. But for those who have supported you along the way, choosing to be a bit more open about what is going on would show them that you do actually appreciate that support.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you decide, I hope you continue blogging and find your way to the place in your heart and life that *you* want to be.
Wow girl!! lol As soon as you respond to your readers, you get over 30 comments!!! That tells you right there how many are following along.
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest with you like I have been from Day One. Shutting down the blog is a bad idea...for YOU more than for us. I really, truly believe that the accoutability on the blog...where you've been listing food and exercise for yourself...has been what's kept you from shooting all the way back up to 266 where you began. I seriously believe you're going to make one hell of a comeback...IF YOU KEEP THE BLOG GOING. For Heaven's sakes girl, don't slip off into the unknown...(like I've thought about doing 100 times but HAVEN'T). The blog is serving the purpose it was intended to...has absolutely nothing to do with what followers come and go...absolutely nothing. Stay in the game...keep the blog...I believe it to be a lifeline...and as always, I'm your biggest supporter. I believe in you...I know you'll turn this around...things will get better, they always do. Just don't let go...and I'm always just an email away if you need me. Big Hugs my sweet friend. :)
You don't owe us anything. If we enjoy reading your blog for any reason, we owe YOU. When to going gets rough, we see who our real friends are.
ReplyDeleteI lost 60 pounds a few years ago and gained it back slowly over the last 2 years....so seeing you struggle like this reminds me so much of the struggles that I went through. It's hard, it never stops being hard, it just depends on how bad you want it. I want to be healthy and that is the driving point for me getting back into a healthy lifestyle. Those that act like it is ALWAYS easy...that's just plain crap. I truly believe you will get back in the groove of things when you are ready....it has to be for YOU though..not others. You have been and will continue to be an inspiration to me...and your struggles...it just makes you that much stronger to me. Don't let it defeat you!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. There are never any easy answers for anything.
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up. I want you to stay. BUT you need to do what is right for you. You have inspired me and I thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you!
I love reading your blog. I wouldn't think you were human if you didn't have some ups and downs. As fellow human beings trying to lose weight, I don't think there is anything wrong with us trying to encourage each other. There is also nothing wrong with admitting that you are not perfect and anyone who has a problem with that looks better gone anyway. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
ReplyDelete