Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Argh!

That’s only a half-hearted ‘argh’. It’s more to signify a mild annoyance than any deep-seeded frustrations at not having the time to post anything worth reading. I know things will improve, inspiration and time wise, within a week or so. But, I am here, reporting in, because I also know that if I don’t I am just opening myself up to a slippery slope.

I care deeply about this journey. And it is still a huge priority for me. So, regardless of the fact that I don’t always have a lot of time to dedicate towards certain parts of it, I will keep on going through the motions when I can’t do more because it keeps me grounded and cognizant of how I want my life to be. Something is still better than nothing!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 mug coconut steamed soy milk
- 1 cheese bagel with cream cheese
- 1 slice of blueberry lemon loaf with glazed icing
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 large golden delicious apple
- 2 cups tea with milk
- 1 blueberry yogurt granola bar
- 1 vanilla yogurt granola bar
- 1 cranberry and almond multi-grain bar
- 1/2 cup mashed potatoes with margarine
- 1 cup steamed broccoli and cauliflower with margarine
- 1 slice pot roast with gravy
- 1 cup granola cereal
- 1 slice chocolate cake with chocolate icing

EXERCISE:
- 30 minute walk
- 55 minutes of rowing a dragon boat

Monday, August 30, 2010

Scheduling Conflict

The next few days are going to be full of a lot of alterations to my normal schedule, so please bear with me while I acclimate to these changes. I thought I would be able to get on here and do a decent post following my rather abrupt announcement of a day off yesterday, but that is obviously not going to be the case (suffice to say I had a lovely day with my husband and it was a long overdue break – and a preemptive strike against the adjustments I knew were coming – from everything). Perhaps the next few days will be a good time to catch up on some simple blog housekeeping stuff I have been procrastinating on…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 1 pear
- 1 banana
- 1 cup carrots with ranch dip
- 1/2 sandwich on whole grain bread with deli ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, and mustard
- 1/2 wrap on an herb-flavoured tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber mayonnaise, and mustard
- 1 large golden delicious apple
- 2 pieces chocolate cake with chocolate icing
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 toasted English muffin with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 large mug decaffeinated tea

EXERCISE:
- 45 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (30 minutes long and 15 minutes long)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Day Off

I decided to take a well-deserved day off from everything today and it has been absolutely glorious!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 4 glasses of water
- 1 bite chocolate covered pretzel
- 1 toasted sandwich on a white bun with turkey bacon, egg white, and cheese
- 1 small glass strawberry and cream frappuccino with whipped cream
- 1 apple fritter
- 2 pieces cream cheese stuffed French toast with strawberry topping and whipped cream
- 1 bite French toast with butter and maple syrup
- 1 blue raspberry, cherry, and lime snow cone
- 20 bites of cotton candy
- 15 sugared mini doughnuts
- 1/2 deep fried Mars bar
- 1 hot dog with mustard, relish, and onions
- 1/2 glass cola
- 1/2 slice pralines and cream fudge
- 1/2 slice orange chocolate fudge
- 1 bite of candied pecans
- 1/2 cup peanut brittle
- 1 large glass pina colada slushie drink
- 1/4 cup sour gummy candies
- 1/4 cup hard fruity candies
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1/2 mug decaffeinated tea with milk

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Life Preserver

I feel like my main focus this past week has been all about health issues. First I touched on the great difficulties I was having with my arms, then I wrote about my heart palpitations, and yesterday I talked about the lump that I found. I feel like I am constantly bringing up such medically-related topics, but I also think that it can be a good thing to really consider how our weight and overall health affects so much in our lives.

Today, I was able to attend the second half of a dragon boating regatta that I thought I would have to miss. I ended up arriving at the event just in time to see my team finish the last minute of their third race of the day. Everyone was happy to see me and I was immediately asked to sub in for the remaining two competitions.

About an hour later, as we were all mustering, there was some confusion as to where a couple of our paddlers were. I volunteered to locate them and it turned out that one of the women from our boat – who doesn’t normally row with us as she is part of another team who were combined with us today – was experiencing some disorientation. And the more the matter was investigated, the more concerning it became as it seemed that she had been suffering from mild symptoms from quite early on in the day. Eventually, about a minute before we pushed off from the dock, it was decided that an ambulance needed to be called and our oarsman swapped out with a spare so that he could tend to her needs while they waited for the paramedics.

By the time we were done the race, she had already been picked up. I just heard via email that she is well and that it was a simple blood sugar issue that had her so out of sorts. Of course, the biggest thing that I had been worried about was a stroke, so I am greatly relieved to know that she is okay.

It really brings once more to the forefront of my mind though both how fragile and resilient we can be. Health and fitness are such important parts of one’s overall well-being, but they are also often the easiest components to neglect.

It is important to keep our bodies in the best shape that we can (keeping in mind that every person’s best looks completely unlike another’s and will vary greatly from one individual to the next). For so long, I just didn’t understand the difference that it makes. Now that I get it, I can’t imagine going back to what I then largely considered to be satisfactory health, and which I now know was actually sub par fitness.

The silver lining of events such as those that transpired today is that it gives people an opportunity to reflect. I am so happy that my teammate is fine and I am also glad that I have yet one more chance to realize just how good it feels to have a fit body and to know that it is a gift that I created for myself. It's something I don't ever want to take for granted.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 banana
- 6 homemade lavender shortbread cookies
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 cranberry and almond granola bar
- 1 Spartan apple
- 1 cup fruit salad with cherries, peaches, and pears
- 1 bite of a pepperoni stick
- 1 cup lemon meringue yogurt with 1 cup wheat and rice flake cereal
- 20 cheese-flavoured crackers with cheese
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk
- 1 small square of a brownie

EXERCISE:
- 15 minute walk
- 3 1/2 hours at a dragon boating regatta (approximately 20 minutes on the water)

Weigh-In For Week 55

I knew that I was going to be up. I was expecting it. It’s due to a combination of factors and I’m not overly worried. More of a ‘get back to work’ attitude is needed and I have a surprisingly high amount of confidence right now that I will do exactly that. I am up 1.6 pounds. It’s not okay, but it will be.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Curled Up Into A Little Ball

A month ago I discovered a small, solid, pea-like lump on my right shoulder blade.

It was the exact shape and consistency that women are supposed to be on the lookout for when performing self-breast examinations. Granted, it was quite a distance from such an area, but the implications of discovering such an abnormality were not lost on me. I went straight to the nearest walk-in clinic.

The doctor on duty was very reassuring and said that it was probably nothing to be concerned about. Given that I had only just found the lump and that it was not giving me any pain, he advised me to keep close tabs on it for the next few weeks and to see my own physician at the end of August, or sooner should I start to notice a difference in size or any discomfort in the area. For a person like me with hypochondriac tendencies, one can imagine how distracted, and occasionally distressed, I have found myself at different points throughout this last month.

Well, I have been to see my family doctor and she has put my mind at ease. It’s a fat ball – literally a small pocket of fatty tissue. And she suspects that it as always been there, but was never previously discovered because it was always covered up by the other fat that was on my body until very recently.

I am, of course, relieved to know that I have nothing to worry about. It was scary thinking about what such a growth might mean. Interestingly, though, something that I found very comforting as I spent the last month waiting for a more conclusive diagnosis was the thought that at least I have created a body for myself that can fight off whatever it must. I felt oddly confident that if it had turned out to be something serious that I would be alright.

I’m not trying to be melodramatic or to compare my tiny scare to the extreme health challenges that people face on a daily basis. I know I’m lucky. But, the thing is that I am really proud of how I haven’t just created a trimmer, healthier version of me. I have actually given myself a body that I know can handle more than it could before and, consequently, a state of mind to match.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 1/4 cup blackberries
- 1 cup lemon meringue yogurt with 1 cup Rice Krispies cereal
- 1 glass root beer
- 1 cheeseburger on a hamburger bun with bacon, mushrooms, onion, lettuce, butter, mayonnaise, and ketchup
- 1 cup French fries with ketchup and salt
- 1 fortune cookie
- 1/8 cup homemade lavender shortbread cookie dough
- 12 cheese-flavoured crackers with cheese
- 10 homemade lavender shortbread cookies
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Thursday, August 26, 2010

From The Heart

Half of what I ate today was junk. Argh! I keep telling myself that it’s good to keep on recording everything accurately, but sometimes it is just so hard to come on here and admit to messing up over and over.

I keep on feeling like I am doing better and then I have a day where I just toss everything out the window. I am frustrated – more with myself than anything else.

The worst part about my slide today is that my body really showed me what the consequences of eating like this are. Since I was a teenager I have dealt with very minor heart palpitations, but the problems associated with them all but disappeared as I lost the weight over this past year. Today I felt the very slightest resurgence of this issue.

I am fine and there really is nothing to worry about. But the mild shortness of breath and quickened heartbeat are something I really would rather not have to live with. It’s apparently mostly within my power to control this, so why have I been allowing myself to get away with so much lately?

I really have to get a handle on my actions. I will not go back.

Okay. Once more with feeling: I will NOT go back!

That’s not quite good enough…

…ahem…

I WILL NOT GO BACK!!!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water
- 1 cup blackberries
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 slices of whole grain toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 breaded fish burger on a hamburger bun with 1/2 a processed cheese slice, lettuce, and mayonnaise
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 carrot muffin with cream cheese icing
- 2 pecan macaroons
- 1 lemon cupcake with icing and topped with a sugar candy
- 1 coconut cupcake with icing and topped with a sugar candy
- 1 mug caramel cinnamon dolce steamed skim milk
- 1 slice cheesy garlic bread
- 1 bite chocolate cream puff with whipped cream

EXERCISE:
- 25 minute walk

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Too Tired

I just sat down to write my post and I even got out a little more than a paragraph before I realized that I was just writing for the sake of writing. I have to admit that it was boring and relatively pointless. I don’t think I have much to say tonight.

I dragged myself to the computer because I could sense that I was about to hit a wall and be done for the evening, but I don’t think I quite beat the feeling in time. I suppose this will have to be one of those nights where the need for sleep supersedes the desire to be insightful in my online journal.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 11 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 1/2 cups fat free peach yogurt with 2 cups honey nut Cheerios
- 2 wraps on soft tortilla shells with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 Spartan apple
- 2 cups blended pineapple, coconut, banana, and vanilla smoothie with immune booster
- 1 wrap on a tortilla shell with steak, red pepper, green pepper, and basil sauce
- 8 whole wheat crackers with homemade red pepper jelly
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 1 ounce of cheese

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour and 40 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (1 hour long and 40 minutes long)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Team Work

It was a rough evening. The entire day went really well; I was feeling much better and happier than last night. Then I went dragon boating.

As soon as I started to paddle I knew that my arms were still feeling the affects of the vaccinations I got yesterday. And with every stroke, the ache became worse and worse. I did my best and kept on stretching and rubbing the muscles whenever we stopped, but half way through practice it was just too much.

By that point, I was actually in tears from how much it hurt combined with my frustration with not being able to row properly. Fortunately they were testing out the roster for the regatta coming up this weekend. I can’t attend those races, so I was sitting in the very back of the boat for a change and considered myself lucky to not feel like I was making a scene in front of everyone. I normally think of my pain tolerance as quite high, and I felt a little silly to be taken out by a couple of shots.

Once I knew I had reached my limit though I told the coach that I had to stop. He was great and offered me reassurances that it was okay to just relax. I did exactly that. The second half of the practice I pretty much just sat and observed the team. I learned a little bit about how to steer the dragon boats too which was neat.

In the end we all went out for ice cream. No, it wasn’t on my plan for today, but it was exactly what I needed to get that sense of camaraderie that I had felt like I was missing out on because of taking it easy at practice. I genuinely like feeling like I am a part of a team. I never had that before and it’s one of the many, many unexpected but valuable things that I have gained on this journey.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 11 glasses of water
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 1 1/2 cups fat free strawberry yogurt with 2 cups wheat flake granola cereal
- 1 small homemade strawberry and white chocolate chip muffin
- 1/2 nectarine
- 1 chocolate chip granola bar
- 1 large golden delicious apple
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 3 cups macaroni and cheese with pepper
- 4 slices of bacon
- 8 whole wheat crackers with homemade red pepper jelly

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour and 10 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (45 minutes long and 25 minutes long)
- 30 minutes of rowing a dragon boat

Monday, August 23, 2010

I Am Of The Arthropodic Persuasion

I am feeling crabby. I got a couple of vaccinations done today and my arms are quite achy. Grumble, grumble…

Moan.

Whine…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 11 glasses of water
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 1/2 cups fat free peach yogurt with 2 cups wheat flake granola cereal
- 1 large golden delicious apple
- 1 cup meatloaf with ketchup
- 1/2 cup mashed potatoes with margarine
- 1/2 cob of corn with margarine

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour and 30 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (1 hour long and 30 minutes long)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Soaked, Burnt, And Whipped

Contrary to what the title of this post may suggest, I was not tortured today. Well, at least not by anyone else’s hand…

I paddled four races in a dragon boating regatta on a woman’s team, plus I agreed to sub in for another two for a mixed team. I am beyond wiped! Seriously, everything seems like an effort right now.

I also got a bad sunburn complete with lines straight across my wrists where my paddling gloves were – it looks pretty ridiculous and feels worse. My skin seems tight even after piling on the moisturizer. Ugh! I am going to be sore in more ways than one tomorrow!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 11 glasses of water
- 2 slices whole wheat toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 2 cups fruit salad with peaches, garden yellow plums, strawberries, and blueberries
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 Spartan apples
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 2 cups yam fries with spicy mayonnaise
- 1 cheeseburger on a hamburger bun with bacon, mushrooms, lettuce, tomato, onion, mustard, and mayonnaise
- 1 bite of a deep fried oyster with tartar sauce

EXERCISE:
- 9 hours at a dragon boating regatta (approximately 1 hour on the water)

Hunger

I had a not-so-proud moment intermixed with a really insightful one a few hours ago. I was out with my husband and asked him to go through the drive-thru of the fast food chain that has been taking my money in trade for their addictive ice cream blends of late. He obliged, but on the way made a comment along the lines of how he was surprised that I wanted something as we had only recently had supper. My reply?

“I’m not hungry, I just… would like it.”

I couldn’t even finish the sentence without faltering. I knew before the words were even completely out of my mouth that I had just unveiled a major problem.

I would love to report that I had the strength to reprimand myself into turning around and avoiding the treat. I wish I was able to write about how I stopped and made that moment into something different - something more inspiring. But, I can’t. I indulged. I own it.

What I will say is that it really was eye-opening. I am out all day tomorrow at a regatta and I have already packed a healthy lunch and snacks in preparation for it. I went for a long time while I was losing the weight eating mostly just to fuel myself. But somewhere along the way these past couple of months I have reverted to consuming things for the sake of comforting tastes, to get a sugar fix, and so that I am eating what I want as opposed to what I need. That must stop.

I know what I’m really hungry for.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 11 glasses of water
- 2 slices whole wheat toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 small mug hot chocolate
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli turkey, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 1/4 cup sweet trail mix
- 3 pieces of a Rice Krispie treat square
- 3 bites grated cheese
- 2 cups macaroni and cheese with pepper
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 1/2 cups fat free chocolate fudge brownie ice cream with butterscotch chips
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk

EXERCISE:
- 20 minute walk

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Weigh-In For Week 54

Up and down and up and down and up…

Last week I managed to drop a pound and this week most of it has returned. I always question whether I should worry more, given that I am feeling fine about the fact that I am up. I wonder if it is complacency and the return of accepting bad habits. Yet, at the same time, I applaud myself for not losing my mind over making mistakes and for having the confidence to know that I can get back at it without too much self-admonishment. I guess it’s a pretty fine balance. So far, I think I am doing a good job of staying on the tightrope.

A Trip To The Zoo

It was another busy day! And I’m afraid my precious time may just be getting more and more used up by all the different things going on in my life! Yikes!

It’s so hard to find the opportunities necessary to be successful at this. I pretty much wrote the same thing yesterday. At times it comes easy, but there are other periods where it is really difficult to make happen what must in order to see progress.

I managed to get a walk in last night. I stopped writing and hauled my behind up off the seat to go outside and stroll around the neighbourhood. Tonight, the furthest that my derriere is going to travel is over to the bed.

Some days I’m the hare, some days I’m the turtle, and some days I can’t even be bothered to check the mirror to see what animal is staring back…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 2/3 cup blackberries
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 2 slices whole wheat toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 sandwich on a Kaiser bun with deli turkey, cheese, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 1 cup pasta with creamy Parmesan sauce
- 1 breaded pork chop
- 1 cup steamed broccoli, onion, and green beans with margarine
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 piece of a Rice Krispie treat square

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Friday, August 20, 2010

Some Days I'm The Turtle

My eating was really strange today. I skipped breakfast, had a big lunch, and just a couple of snacks later on. It was really odd. I am not starving now, nor did I feel hungry throughout the morning, afternoon, or evening. Perhaps the one big meal gave me what I needed for the whole day or maybe my body is just being weird. I’m not sure what was going on with that.

I’ve been distracted all day too. There are some changes coming for me and I guess that has left my mind and body a bit discombobulated. It’s hard to be consistent with eating, exercise, and everything else that goes hand in hand with a healthier lifestyle when things are being thrown out of whack in other areas of my life. But, at the same time, I guess that is when it is most important.

So many times in the past I have let my health take a backseat to everything else that I have had going on. But I won’t let that happen this time. I have come much too far and made too many positive changes to go back now. I may be delivering a particularly inconsistent form of consistency, but deliver it I shall! Just you wait…

…and see! There! I just got off my behind and went for a twenty minute walk!

It may not be a lot, but it was more than I had done when I started writing this. And it may not be an example of high energy excellence, but it is exactly the dedicated pace that I started out with on this journey. That steadfastness has served me well and, although I have enjoyed a long stretch of time speeding along and making progress like a hare, I will never be too proud to come out of my shell in the guise of a turtle.

Who cares how quickly I get to where I need to go? I will make it - one inconsistently consistent day at a time!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 1/2 pita bread with tzatziki
- 1 cup Greek rice with tzatziki
- 1 shoulder of lamb
- 1 bite of beef souvlaki
- 1 cup Greek salad with tomato, cucumber, onion, feta cheese, and dressing
- 1 Greek roast potato with tzatziki
- 1 Greek bougatsa dessert
- 2 cups candy bar and peanut butter chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 banana

EXERCISE:
- 20 minute walk

Thursday, August 19, 2010

That's The Way The Cookie Crumbles

I just ate half a bag of cookies in one sitting.

My husband and I decided to buy ourselves a treat at the end of a very long and tiring day. We went home and played a couple of board games to unwind with the cookies in front of us on the table and the intention to just have a few each. And before we knew it the bag was empty! Although it was busy, my day was good. I am feeling a little anxious over a couple of things, but no emotions that are outside of my comfort zone are looming. Things are pretty good in my life right now.

I’m not sure where this came from. And I don’t know whether to feel sicker from the tummy ache I have given to myself or the fact that I inhaled that many cookies without thinking about it. I guess I will just chalk it up to an unusual happening, but also keep better tabs on myself. I can’t go back to those habits. I won’t.

It was wisely suggested to me to post my video on my sidebar, but I couldn't find a widget to do so. Instead I have posted a link that, once clicked, will bring up my entire anniversary post. Hopefully that works for everyone who is looking for it.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 1 mug coconut steamed soy milk
- 1 piece of an apple caramel square
- 1 sandwich on sesame white bread with deli ham, a processed cheese slice, lettuce, tomato, onion, mayonnaise, mustard, and pepper
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 sandwich on a Kaiser bun with deli turkey, cheese, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 large golden delicious apple with light peanut butter
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 1 cup breaded almond chicken with homemade plum sauce
- 1 1/2 cups chicken chow mien with homemade plum sauce
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk
- 14 glazed cinnamon cookies

EXERCISE:
- 20 minute walk

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Longing For The Links

I have a lot on the agenda for tomorrow and it starts quite early! It’s going to be a full day!

I have been sort of craving exercise lately, contrary to what I have been actually doing. I would love to get up early in the morning and go for a jog before the unbearable heat we have been experiencing sets in, but I am afraid that I am going to get limited sleep tonight as it is. I’m sure I said things where going to slow down for me in August. Whatever happened to that plan? Shouldn’t I be on a golf course enjoying the best of both worlds – exercise and relaxation – right about now?

And for those of you who may be wondering why I keep throwing up links to my video post, it’s because I have been getting a lot of new traffic from many wonderful visitors whom I believe are being directed here from a variety of sources (thank you Tammy, Sean, Kimberley, Keelie, I Said So…, Chrystal, and anyone else I may have missed). I just want to make sure that these new people can find what they are looking for! And to anyone who does fall into that category: Welcome!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 11 glasses of water
- 2 garden yellow plums
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 1 1/2 pieces lemon pudding cake with drizzled icing
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry and raspberry vanilla yogurt with 1 cup Rice Krispies cereal
- 1/2 cup pan-fried Italian sausage
- 1/2 cup hash browns
- 1 1/2 cups steamed broccoli with margarine
- 1 peanut butter chocolate fiber bar

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour of rowing a dragon boat

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Unrecognizable

I saw a few family members the other day for the first time in a long while and they didn't recognize me. I was chatting with my neighbour about when I showed up on his doorstep a few months back and he just admitted to the same. He hadn't known who I was. Even showing people the video I created has elicited a similar response: an only half-joking, "who is that?"

It's very odd to look at photographs and essentially see a stranger. And I mean that in both ways. I see pictures from a year ago and I can't believe I ever looked like that. And I see shots from much more recent weeks and it's surreal to think that the girl smiling in those images is me.

It's not a bad thing obviously. Not at all. But such big physical changes sure can take a lot of getting used to. It takes the brain a long time to catch up...

As a side note, for anyone interested, I am running another little contest for the publishing company where I write my column.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 10 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry vanilla yogurt with 1 cup honey nut granola cereal
- 2 hazelnut chocolates
- 9 whole wheat crackers with 1 herb and garlic Laughing Cow cheese wedge and homemade red pepper jelly
- 3 slices French toast with margarine and maple syrup
- 1/2 cup fat free peach vanilla yogurt with 1/2 cup honey nut granola cereal
- 1 cup heavenly hash ice cream with butterscotch chips

EXERCISE:
- 15 minute walk

Monday, August 16, 2010

Exposed

I am a little stunned by how much people have responded to my photo video post! Thank you all so much for your amazing comments! I feel truly blessed to have so many incredible individuals interested in my journey and I hope that you find something here that is worthwhile and helpful to you as you walk your own paths.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I had a really great non-scale victory. I wore a bikini! For the first time since I was fifteen or sixteen I donned a two-piece in front of friends at a poolside barbecue! And I felt pretty darned confident.

Granted I was not strolling around the patio without my towel wrapped around me very much, but I didn’t feel awkward or out of place. I wasn’t too worried about others judging my body or that I had flabby bits hanging out. I can’t say that I did not think about it at all, but it really was only a minor consideration. I am so happy that I was able to do that! It was a huge step for me and one that I doubt I will soon forget!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 1 slice whole wheat toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 tiny taste of homemade plum jam
- 1 mug tea with milk
- 2 homemade oat cakes
- 2 miniature glazed doughnuts
- 1 1/2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 small glass lemonade
- 1 glass white wine
- 1 cup grapes
- 1 cups cherries
- 7 hazelnut chocolates
- 3/4 cup fat free raspberry vanilla yogurt with 1 cup honey nut granola cereal
- 2 1/2 cups pasta with meat sauce and grated cheese
- 6 tiny samples of ice cream
- 1 scoop pineapple sorbet and 1 scoop coconut cream pie ice cream on a waffle ice cream cone

EXERCISE:
- 30 minute walk

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Finding The Good Within The Bad

“You have given people permission to have a bad day.”

That’s what my husband just said to me. We were chatting about all of the beautiful comments that people have been leaving on my photo video presentation post and he was telling me that he was pretty gobsmacked by the number of people who are very generously telling me that my journey is inspirational. And then he made that comment and it really hit home.

“You have given people permission to have a bad day.”

I struggled through more than fifteen years of failed weight loss attempts without knowing that it was okay to have those bad days. I always felt like if I messed up that it wasn’t worth continuing. Or, worse still, that I could make up for it the next day which would quickly result in a series of bad moments that left me staring down the barrel of ‘catching up’ by doing eight hours of workouts and eating nothing but celery and water for a week. Of course that was never going to happen, so I would give up! With that type of pressure, who wouldn’t?!

But, finally I have learned that it really is alright to have those days where things don’t go perfectly. Anyone who has been reading me for any length of time knows that I have struggled a lot lately. I am about ten pounds heavier than the lowest weight I got down to and I have had some real issues with my sugar intake. I have had difficulties finding the time and motivation to do more than a few squats for my ‘exercise’ on more days than not for a few weeks now. And I have even had a few old emotional quirks pop up that I have had to work through to continue making progress of any type on this journey.

But I haven’t given up. Even with all of those bad days.

Life is full of hard moments – short and long – but they are greatly tempered and overshadowed by our successes and joys. The key is to let them. I could dwell on all that I have struggled with (and if I am being honest, I will even say that at times I have), but the best relief for such issues is to focus on what is ahead, not on what has already passed. Yes, it IS okay to have bad days. And it is possible to be successful at weight loss – at anything, really – despite having difficulties, and perhaps even because of them.

I have said it before and I will say is again: Perfection isn’t possible, it isn’t realistic, and it is extremely boring. I am so glad that my journey has not been perfect. I am proud that it has had its share of struggles. And I am extremely happy that with my example of unwavering fallibility that I “have given people permission to have a bad day”!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 1 1/2 cups celery with light peanut butter
- 3/4 cup fat free vanilla pear yogurt with 1 cup honey nut granola cereal
- 2 1/2 cups cherry-lime, root beer, orange, and grape slushie
- 8 vegetable and chive crackers with herb and garlic soft cheese
- 1/2 cup strawberries with lemon dip
- 3 cups grapes with lemon dip
- 1 cheeseburger on a sesame bun hamburger with bacon, fried onion, tomato, mayonnaise, relish, and mustard
- 1 cup broccoli crunch salad
- 1/2 hot dog on a hot dog bun with mayonnaise, relish, and mustard
- 1 piece of a lemon square
- 3 bites peanut butter chocolate bar
- 1 peanut butter flavoured nougat chocolate bar
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 1 1/2 hours in a swimming pool

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Weigh-In For Week 53

The past seven days I have been up, down, and all around on the scale. I started out the week with an official weigh-in of 153.8, but some anxiety about the anniversary of this journey saw me top out at 156.6. After a much needed session with my self-preservation kit and some time to sort through a lot of thoughts and feelings, I decided to invest some time in creating a photo presentation to celebrate how far I have come in one year. And with such reflection of where I was, what I have been through, and where I am right now, the weight started to come off again. I woke up on August 12, 2010 weighing 154.4: Exactly 100.2 pounds lighter than I was one year before. And today, I am 152.8 for a grand total of one pound lost since last week’s weigh-in.

There are highs and lows in every journey and sometimes they tend to happen within a relatively short time span. Right now, I am just feeling lucky – lucky to be where I am and lucky to be who I am. I think that holds a lot more weight than one little pound.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Out For The Count

I can not believe how tired I am… We got back from a birthday dinner about a half an hour ago and I face planted onto the bed. I had to peel myself back up a few minutes ago to come online and post my lists just now. I think I must have gotten too much sun today, because I do not feel very well at this moment. I wish this wasn’t so anti-climactic after my big photo post from yesterday, but I am just feeling icky…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 10 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk
- 2 1/2 cups celery with light peanut butter
- 1/2 cup honey nut granola cereal
- 2 Rice Krispie treats
- 1 cup cookie ice cream blend
- 10 sweet potato fries with spicy mayonnaise dipping sauce
- 2 slices garlic toast
- 3 cups seafood linguine with scallops and prawns
- 1 chocolate brownie dessert with whipped cream, vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, and peanuts
- 2 bites chocolate peanut butter pie
- 8 cheese flavoured crackers with soft peppercorn cheese
- 1 piece lemon pudding cake with drizzled icing

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Thursday, August 12, 2010

An Anniversary Present(ation)



FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 15 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 cup blackberries
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with 2 scrambled eggs, deli ham, grated cheese, and mushrooms
- 1 glass of a strawberry breakfast drink
- 1 glass mango juice
- 2 fruit creme cookies
- 1 mixed berry whole grain cereal bar
- 3/4 cup bacon
- 1 homemade chive and cheese biscuit
- 1/2 cup roast potatoes with margarine
- 1/2 cob corn with margarine
- 2 cups steamed broccoli with margarine
- 3/4 cup fat free mixed berry yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal

EXERCISE:
- 30 stomach crunches

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Self-Preservation

I have been all out of sorts today.

I have not been in a bad mood. In fact, I got to spend time with a family friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while and we had a very pleasant visit. I can not, however, say that I've been in a really great mood either. I have had a lot of different things - thoughts, emotions, and plans - running through my head all day. It's been so hectic up in that skull of mine that it has distracted me from getting much of anything accomplished today. That in itself bothers me and then I get into my head about that too. It's been a bit of a vicious circle, despite the fact that I've had a smile on my face throughout most of it - or at the very least, the notable absence of a frown.

Another viscous circle that I am too familiar with reared its ugly head this afternoon as well. The whole anxiety equals eating and eating equals anxiety problem popped up in disturbingly good form. I'm not proud. It wasn't like it used to be, but the sweet intake was higher than I have allowed lately (and I know that I have been letting far too much into my diet as it is).

Knowing that tomorrow is the anniversary of this journey has really messed me up these past few days. I have these expectations and feel like I am falling short. So then I sabotage myself to alleviate some of the pressure. I think my subconscious would rather feel like I missed my goals by a long shot rather than just barely. Kind of like placing tenth doesn't hurt quite so much as placing second. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but just the process of thinking it through is probably better than not. If I'm going to mess up I at least want to understand why so that I can try and prepare better for any future problems. I don't want to go back to the voluntary ignorance that helped lead me to obesity in the first place.

And now I feel like this post is getting heavier than I intended. I am not feeling as devastated as I suspect these paragraphs are making me sound. There is some sadness, but also other more positive feelings too. Like I said, I have just been all out of sorts.

So here is what I'm going to do: I am going to get off the computer once I have posted this. I'm going to walk over to my dresser and pull out my self-preservation kit and I am going to open it up and use it. I will search through the contents of that small container and find items stashed away for the sole purpose of helping me stay grounded. I will pull out the tiny bottle of ice wine and the favourite chocolate bar and I will partake in both. I will look at the photographs and smile broadly. I will even pull out my favourite decorative candle holder and light every wick that it holds, play songs which mean something special to me during times of transition and challenge, and perhaps even stroll outside casting my glance skyward in the hopes of glimpsing one of the meteors streaking through the atmosphere this evening. I'll even let myself cry if I need to...

I am going to do something important and necessary.

I am going to take care of me.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free field berry yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal
- 12 crackers with 2 wedges of Laughing Cow garlic and herb cheese
- 3 1/2 pieces of a blond brownie bar
- 3/4 cup homemade fruit sorbet
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry cherry yogurt with 1 cup high fiber whole grain cereal
- 3 bites of homemade lavender shortbread cookie dough
- 11 homemade lavender shortbread cookies
- 2 bites of grated cheese
- 1 cup roasted potatoes with margarine
- 3 homemade chive and cheese biscuits with margarine
- 1/2 cup organic steak
- 1/2 cup pan-fried mushrooms
- 1/2 cob of corn with margarine
- 1 mug chai tea with honey and milk
- 1 small glass ice wine
- 1 orange cream chocolate bar

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Wham, Bam, Thank You...

I am kicking myself right now because I wanted to do a more in depth post this evening, but I have left myself with no such opportunity as it is far, far too late. I will say though that I am very lucky to have so many incredible people who take the time to comment on here. Thank you to everyone for all that you said! I feel a bit better about where I am at right now and you really helped me (as always) gain some perspective on some of the trickier aspects of this journey!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 10 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 2 sandwiches on Portuguese buns with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 20 whole wheat crackers with cream cheese and red pepper jelly
- 3/4 cup fat free raspberry yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal
- 2 slices Hawaiian pizza with calorie wise three cheese ranch dip
- 1 1/2 cups homemade fruit sorbet with chocolate chips

EXERCISE:
- 1 hour of rowing a dragon boat

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Weighed Down

I am having a really rough night. I went to bed yesterday feeling like I hadn’t done too terribly for the day and that, regardless, I was finally ready to get back to the grindstone with my weight loss efforts. I had it in my head that I had earned the break I had been giving myself, but that it was time to return to my healthier ways and recommit. I felt really positive as I drifted off to sleep.

Then I woke up and weighed myself.

I am nearly three pounds heavier than I was on my last weigh-in! (Just now I almost wrote, “the scale said that I am nearly three pounds heavier”, but I realize that is not placing the responsibility where it deserves to be.) I just felt like giving up. For the rest of the day I have been really struggling with some very hard emotions: fear, self-loathing, disappointment, and – did I mention – fear.

All this is compounded by the ridiculous and trivial notion that I have not accomplished what I set out to do. Why? Because my one year anniversary for starting this journey and blog is just a few days away, and I doubt that I will be able to slip back below my original goal weight of 150 pounds by then. Logically, I know how much I have achieved in a relatively short time even with the few pounds I have put back on, but mentally this really bothers me!

I am so frustrated…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free cherry yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal
- 20 whole wheat crackers with cream cheese and red pepper jelly
- 2 cups garden salad with lettuce, mint, chives, tomato, diced pear, and homemade apple cider vinaigrette
- 10 perogies with sour cream
- 1/2 cup pan-fried Italian sausage
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Monday, August 9, 2010

Recipe For Disaster

First of all, I was updating my sidebar weigh-ins and went to record my last two official weights. When I was doing that I realized that I somehow missed out on putting in my weigh-in from July 24th. So I was comparing week 51’s weight to week 49’s, and not week 50 as I should have been. This means that I was actually up almost a pound and a half before I went away on my trip, not quite at the perfectly even keel as I had thought I was. I’m sure nobody but me cares, but I like keeping really accurate records, so I felt the need to note this.

I also thought that it might be worth recording the recipes for a couple of the items that were on my aforementioned dinner menu this evening. They are super easy and undoubtedly simply to alter according to personal tastes and available ingredients. I was just happy that they turned out considering I created the recipes myself!

Apple Cider Vinaigrette

Ingredients:
1/8 cup olive oil
1/8 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon honey
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon pepper
2 apples

Directions:
Peel, core, and dice the apples (I used fresh, garden apples today). Puree everything in a blender until smooth – mixture remains very thick. Makes approximately 1 cup.

I really, really enjoyed this as it was although my husband said that the flavour was a little bit strong. Next time I might double the amount of olive oil to thin out the vinaigrette while neutralizing the taste just a little.

Fresh Fruit Sorbet

Ingredients:
5 small garden pears (or 1 of the grocery store variety)
1 apple
1 cup blackberries
1 cup blueberries
1/4 cup strawberries
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
2 trays ice cubes
1 cup water

Directions:
Peel, core, and dice the pears and apple. Mix all ingredients together in a blender until smooth. Pour into a glass container (I used a loaf pan) and place in the freezer for at least two hours.

Everything was fresh when I made this today except for the blueberries which were frozen (though still procured from a friend’s garden). It didn’t quite have the flavour burst I was hoping for so next time I will probably try adding cherries. I might also attempt to strain it prior to freezing if I was planning on serving it to guests since there were still quite a few seeds remaining after pureeing everything. It did not bother me, but it might annoy someone with a more sensitive palate.

*EDIT: I have discovered that if you leave the leftovers in the freezer over night that you are left with a solid block of fruity ice; consider yourselves warned!*

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 6 glasses of water
- 2 slices whole wheat toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 2 no sugar added oatmeal cookies
- 1/2 cup salted peanuts
- 2 wraps on soft tortilla shells with canned ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, garden green onion, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1/2 small glass diet cola
- 2 licks of homemade apple cider vinaigrette
- 3 licks of unfrozen homemade fruit sorbet
- 1 lick of brownie batter
- 1 glass white wine
- 3 homemade chive and cheese biscuits with butter
- 1 cup garden salad with lettuce, mint, chives, tomato, diced pear, and homemade apple cider vinaigrette
- 1 shake-and-bake chicken breast
- 1 tiny glass of hazelnut liqueur
- 2 pieces of brownie with 2 cups homemade fruit sorbet
- 20 whole wheat crackers with cream cheese and red pepper jelly
- 1 sip of pear liqueur
- 1 sip of Amaretto
- 1 sip of melon liqueur
- 1 sip of Grand Marnier

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Tardy Slip

I am very, very late posting! This should have been up before I went to bed last night! At least my tardiness is for a fairly good reason...

When I got back from my dragon boating regatta yesterday - we placed first in the 'C' division which is okay considering we were a group comprised of members from several other teams, thrown together just to race in a woman's only competition - my husband treated me to an incredible hot stone massage. Needless to say, moving to the computer and typing out a post just didn't rank very high on my priority list following that! Then today, I got wrapped up in a few different projects, the main thing being that I created a very fancy meal (given that I really do not often venture into the realm of actual cooking) so that my hubby and I could enjoy a romantic feast for just the two of us. So, yes, while I feel a little bad that this is going up so late, I feel wonderful about the reasons why!

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 7 glasses of water
- 2 slices whole wheat toast with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 toasted English muffin with egg, bacon, cheese, and margarine
- 1 large golden delicious apple
- 2 slices homemade pumpkin loaf
- 2 miniature bagels with light cream cheese
- 1 slice homemade banana bread
- 1 large mug coconut steamed soy milk
- 1 bit strawberry chocolate cake
- 1/2 cup pretzel sticks
- 5 nacho chips
- 1/2 cup soy bean trail mix
- 2 sweet and salty chewy peanut granola bars
- 15 vegetable crackers with soft cheese
- 3/4 cup low fat piƱa colada yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal
- 1 cup minced ground beef with corn and onions
- 1 cup creamy Parmesan pasta
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 6.5 hours at a dragon boating regatta (approximately 30 minutes on the water)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Weigh-In For Weeks 51(ish) And 52

I’ve been at this for almost a year! Wow!

Okay, so I have put off posting stuff from my trip for long enough. I did do my weigh-in last Friday as I had planned although I had to do so with wet hair and while wearing clothes, so the number was so high that I really can’t trust what the scale said. However, I also checked my weight in my normal manner the morning that we left for our trip – which is two days before my normal weigh-in – and it was 149.6 which leaves me with an even wash from the week before. Given that I have been in maintenance mode, I am going to use that for my official record.

However, I am up, up, up for this week. It’s bad and I know it. With my long weekend away, rehearsal dinner pizza, wedding food, gift opening munchies, and even a birthday party to boot all taking place this week, it’s no surprise to learn that I am 153.8 as of this morning.

I am walking a fine line between being really okay with that and starting to freak out. I think I just need to get back on track now that we are into August and my hectic schedule is finally starting to settle a bit more, and then I will genuinely feel okay about where I am at. At this point, the results I can take or leave; making the effort is what makes me happy and feel accomplished.

So Much To Do; So Little Time

I just returned from a surprise birthday party for one of my best friends (the one who just got married, actually) and I was out running around all day arranging stuff for it. I have a dragon boating regatta that I have to get up for first thing tomorrow morning and then a barbecue which I am to attend in the evening. How did I get so busy again!?! Hopefully all this running around is burning a few calories…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 6 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 cup blueberries
- 6 homemade lavender shortbread cookies
- 1/2 cup lightly seasoned peanuts
- 9 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 shortbread cookie with pink icing
- 1 coconut cookie with chocolate icing
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1/2 baked potato with margarine and sour cream
- 1 roasted chicken drumstick
- 1 cup maple nut wheat flake cereal
- 3 glasses white grape juice
- 10 large garden crackers with cheese
- 1 cup pineapple
- 10 tortilla chips with 6 layer dip
- 1 large chocolate covered peanut butter ball
- 1 slice vanilla cream fruit topped cake
- 1 slice strawberry cream cake

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Friday, August 6, 2010

(S)lacking

Lack of motivation. Lack of interest. Lack of energy. Lack of nutrition. Lack of exercise. Lack, lack, lack...

I know that I will get back at all of this again in a day or two, but I am having the worst time right now. But I'm still here, checking in. I keep telling myself that's something...

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 6 glasses of water
- 1/2 cup blackberries
- 1 banana
- 9 homemade lavender shortbread cookies
- 2/3 cup lightly seasoned peanuts
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 3/4 cups French vanilla ice cream with chocolate chips and sprinkles
- 1 caramel nut ice cream cone dessert
- 1/2 cob of corn with margarine
- 1 roasted chicken drumstick
- 1/2 cup French fries with ketchup
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I've Got Nothing

Wow. I just don’t seem to have the energy to do anything at all right now. Apparently that six month stint of non-stop activity has left me utterly depleted now that I can take a moment to relax. I have zero desire to even try to make up excuses – I am simply being lazy. I guess that’s actually a good thing though. It’s part of the whole ‘taking care of me’ thing that I am usually so bad at. I wish I could be more inspiring right now, but I am really doing all that I can just in typing out these few pathetic sentences of my usual honesty. I will try again tomorrow…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 6 glasses of water
- 2 wraps on soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 cranberry almond multi-grain bar
- 2 cups French vanilla ice cream with sprinkles and chocolate chips
- 1 pear
- 1 glass diet cola
- 1 1/2 cup maple nut wheat flake cereal
- 3 bites of lavender shortbread batter
- 7 homemade lavender shortbread cookies
- 2 cups pasta with meat sauce and grated cheese
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Time To Breathe

I hope my scheduled posts kept everyone entertained while I was away! I feel like the quality of entries has taken a nosedive since I got back yesterday, because I know that this will be just another brief check-in post like last night’s.

Today I did… nothing. Blissfully, wonderfully, yet strangely unsettling and uncharacteristically, unaccomplished was how I would describe my actions. I worked on nothing. I achieved nothing. I finished nothing. And it felt really great.

I think that tomorrow will likely yield more of the same results. (Though, I will try to make up for my lackadaisical continuation of the poor eating and exercise habits which predominated my weekend away.) I have earned this. It has been six months straight of barely a moment to breathe and I am overjoyed that I finally have time to… well, just time.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 6 glasses of water
- 2 slices whole wheat bread with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 3 cups candy covered popcorn
- 2 no fat berry freezies
- 1 bowl cocoa Rice Krispies with milk
- 3 no fat strawberry freezies
- 12 whole wheat crackers with cheese
- 1 large glass of banana colada drink
- 12 peanut butter cookies
- 5 pieces of a dynamite sushi roll with soy sauce
- 6 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 2 sweet and sour chicken balls
- 1 ice cream sandwich
- 2 cups of mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

EXERCISE:
- 10 squats

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Until Tomorrow

We just got home a couple of hours ago and I am beat! It has been an amazing few days away and the wedding was incredible, but I am very, very ready for bed. We were supposed to return yesterday, but we decided to stay the extra night and embark on a more leisurely trip back this afternoon. I will back-post my (overindulgent) food and (lack of) exercise lists tomorrow and write a bit about my time away for my next entry...

Monday, August 2, 2010

I Don't Feel Like Dancin'

I am supposed to be back from my trip tonight, but on the off chance that we stay for an extra day – or that we get back so late that I simply want to fall face first onto the bed without so much as a glance at the computer – I thought it would be a good idea to pre-write an extra post and schedule it even though I am likely already home. My normal entries will commence tomorrow along with, hopefully, the back-logging of my missing food and exercise lists and my weigh-in information. In the meanwhile, keep in mind that you only have another two days to vote on the poll that I put up on Friday evening / Saturday morning!

I thought it might be fun to open up the comments section in a different way tonight. Since I have been away at a wedding, and have surely engaged in all of the typical wedding day proceedings, I wanted to bring up dancing. Since this activity is such a great form of exercise, I would love for you to tell me 1-3 songs which, if you heard, you would absolutely have to boogie to. For me, my number one pick has often been The Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I just think it's such a great song to jive to and the movie is hilarious to boot! Once you’ve left me a note telling me your favourites, I suggest that you go and put those songs on and get dancing!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Tit For Tat

I know that things have a way of evening out – that when you give something up you often receive something in return, that when one door closes another one opens, and so on. Such is life.

Regardless of this knowledge, I was sad when I realized that my rather generous bust line was quickly shrinking as I lost weight. I have always thought of myself as well-proportioned and I still do; as that one part of me has dropped in size so has everything else and I know that I am lucky to be able to say that. Nevertheless, my large chest was something that I had somehow grown strangely proud of in my obese state, and it was with grim downward glances that I watched that area get smaller and smaller over these past eleven and a half months. I think that many bigger women develop an attachment to their curves, and I was certainly one with such adoration for the more voluptuous parts of my figure.

But here’s where I recognize that, yet again, life has a way of providing balance. Now… I just don’t miss them like I thought I would. There are so many positives which I have gained from having smaller band and cups sizes that I don’t often think anymore about the few things I have lost.

I can go bra shopping… anywhere! I went on such an outing with a good friend just last week and I was able to try on just about everything that I wanted. I have never been able to do that! And they were pretty too! I didn’t have to limit myself to a tiny selection from a specialty shop or the plus-sized options in a department store because that was all that would fit me. I was able to walk amongst rows and rows of brassieres and pick and choose whatever colour, whatever style, and whatever beautiful details I wanted. That felt so great! And as an added bonus, like I mentioned, I was able to do all of that with someone. Again, I would never have been able to do something like that in the past, but now I feel like I am no longer missing out on that specific type of bonding that happens when friends go shopping together!

I know I wrote a short while ago that I am thrilled to finally be able to wear under wire again as opposed to just the sports bras I was donning for far too long. On top of that, I used to feel like they were a great weight, which I am sure they actually were. There were many times that I was seated when I felt as though my breasts sat heavily on top of my stomach. And they often weighed so greatly over my lungs that I am fairly certain that it was to the impediment of my breathing. When I laid down to sleep, I even had to shift around quite a bit to avoid a choking sensation, such was the mass of flesh beneath my neck.

So while I do occasionally miss the satisfaction that somehow accompanied having a generous bust, and although a part of my identity as a full-figured woman is now behind me, I know I have given up just as many negatives as positives. I am sure that what I have gained equals or exceeds that which I have lost. And I am confident that regardless of what the tag on my bra says that I will always be someone who appreciates the way that things even out in the end.

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