Saturday, October 31, 2009

Weigh-In For Week 12

Well, I weighed in this morning and apparently my streak is well and truly over, because I am actually up eight whole pounds! I can’t believe it! And neither should you, because I’m just playing a Halloween trick. Ha! Okay, I’m a dork and I know it… I am actually down 4.6 pounds. Wow! I really wasn’t expecting to slip into the next 'decade' just yet, but I am thrilled that I have.

Honestly, I am not sure how I managed to lose so much this week. The time feels like it has flown by these last seven days, and I definitely know that I eased off on getting my workouts in due to my hectic schedule, but I suppose keeping up with the healthy eating really paid off. Being more active in general with all my running around certainly couldn’t have hurt either. I also suspect that my metabolism is finally working in my favour and filling in any blanks that may occur in the normal ebb and flow of life.

My first weigh-in of November is in a week, so a progress picture will be posted on that day too. I am nervous about this one! I notice the differences when wearing nice jeans, but I’m not sure how much of a change I will see when in my normal photo attire since it is more revealing. I guess that sounds a bit backwards, but I just mean that denim sculpts whereas workout pants tend to show all the imperfections. Oh well, honesty reigns here… whether in my words or my visual aids. I hope everyone is having a very spooky and wonderfully happy Halloween!!!

Anyone Have A Spare Ark?

Once more, I donned my rain gear and braved the downpour to get some walking in as I ran another errand. It only took about five minutes before I could feel the water starting to seep into my jeans. It was about twenty minutes after that when I started to sense the wetness also coming through my jacket, but by then I was almost to my destination so I pressed on. Then when I was on my return walk – since the brutal precipitation did not let up for even a moment – I could feel my pants intermittently sticking to my calves and thighs and then pulling away from my skin long enough for me to become aware of the small rivers running down my legs underneath the fabric. The things I do for exercise!

I realized that the rain was heavily weighing me down as I walked so, for a giggle, I jumped on the scale as soon as I got home – hikers and jacket still on – and noted the number. Then I removed everything I was wearing and got back on in my birthday suit and compared the different weights. There was nearly an eleven pound difference! I know that when I am wearing normal clothing with runners I am probably looking at approximately four or five pounds of extra weight when I step on the scale. But that still means I was lugging around at least five pounds of rainwater by the end of my walk, and probably close to that for the majority of the time I was out in that weather. Sheesh! At least it lent some resistance to me during the trek and probably helped to burn a few extra calories!

One scary thing that happened on my way to my destination is that I almost got hit by a car. Really and truly, I am sure that had I been wearing headphones I would currently be in a hospital or a morgue. I was on a street that had no sidewalks and did carefully look both ways before crossing the road. There were no vehicles around at all so I went and all of a sudden I heard a car turn the corner behind me so I sped up… and so did it. I literally jumped to the other side of the street to avoid getting hit and turned in time to see the driver swerve – after he had passed me – and stop.

Well, what would you do? I walked over and opened his passenger door and told him that he needed to slow down. He was an older gentleman who was extremely apologetic and visibly shaken. He was convinced that he had hit me because of the way I hopped out of the way at the last second. I was very proud of myself for remaining so calm – which of course, does not mean that I was not very firm and somewhat animated in my chastising of his speeding – but I was very clear in my insistence that he slow down and pay closer attention at night and in the rain.

The one tiny amusing thing about this scenario is that I distinctly remember thinking right before it happened that I need to remember to make a doctor’s appointment when my schedule opens up to check out how my general health is improving. I was contemplating how great it would be since I was sure any tests she did would all show positive results and that she would tell me I have added years to my life due to all the changes I have been making in my diet and exercise… and then I almost got creamed by a car. Sometimes irony can be extremely hard to take.

Back to the more serious side of things though, because of what happened I feel the need to remind everyone who exercises outside, especially those who walk or run with headphones in, to please be very careful. I am convinced that had I been listening to music tonight that I would not be writing this entry, but rather laying in some unfamiliar hospital badly injured, if not dead. Please, watch yourselves out there!

- 11 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 pear
- 2 1/2 cups Caesar salad with light dressing, whole wheat croutons, and dried cranberries
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter
- 3/4 cup fat free peach yogurt
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with canned ham, grated cheese, lettuce, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 6 whole wheat crackers
- 1 taste of low fat spinach dip

- 1 hour and 20 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (both 40 minutes long)
- 2 sets of 5 push ups
- 3 sets of 15 lunges for each leg
- 3 sets of 15 squats

Friday, October 30, 2009

Significantly Behind

I thought it was time to give out a couple more Significant Milestone Awards, but I have still have not caught up on all of my blog reading! So, from the little bits I have managed to stay fairly current on, I do know that there are two people that I think deserve recognition for recently passing big points in their respective journeys. I promise that I will catch up on everyone’s adventures soon enough and, hopefully, will find more exciting reasons to hand out more of these fun badges!
“Created with weight loss blogs in mind, but not necessarily limited to only them, The Significant Milestone Award has been designed to be handed out to those who have reached a noteworthy marker on a journey of personal betterment. It may be given to a blogger who has recently achieved a meaningful accomplishment such as a ten percent drop in body weight, a twenty-five pound loss, or reaching their final goal. Anyone who has already received this award may pass it on to another blogger when they feel that it is warranted, provided that they take the time to ensure that they are presenting it for a truly exceptional and important feat. The only stipulation that is attached to accepting The Significant Milestone Award is that the recipient must take at least one full minute to really think about what they have achieved and to feel good about themselves.”

Congratulations to the two newest recipients!

1. Susan from The Crazy Woman Inside Me for recently reaching the 75 pounds lost mark!

2. Josh from My Own Two Feet for a 10% drop in his total body weight!

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

I had to pull out my winter coat today. I am one of those people who hates feeling weighed down – and, therefore, is extremely averse to umbrellas, layers, and heavy clothing of any sort - so I was really unhappy that I had to finally give in and pull out the warmer wear. But, lo and behold, the jacket was really loose! It was sticking way out and away from my body at the bottom of the garment, leaving a ridiculous gape between the fabric and my waist and hips. And this is a piece of clothing which fit me tightly at the end of the last chilly season!

After I allowed myself a moment of pride over the too large coat, I set out on a long walk, with two short breaks part way through since I was still in the middle of getting stuff accomplished and running errands. It was so wet though! The sky was just pouring down the rain and I was soaked in less than ten minutes. But, I was determined to finish what I had set out to do, so I just put my head down and stayed the course. Luckily it started letting up about half way through my trek. However, even as I type this my jacket is still drying over the back of a chair, so it’s pretty apparent that I was not feeling terribly warm and dry for the rest of my day after the walk.

Anyhow, I am glad I finally got in some decent exercise, regardless of the cold and the wet that I had to contend with. I think that a hot bath is in order now to counter the chill that I still feel from being out in that miserable weather. I am definitely looking forward to Christmas and all the lovely holiday stuff that is coming up, but at this moment I just wish it could still be summer. The thought of dragging myself out in that kind of precipitation again to get in a good workout is less than appealing at this point in time.

- 9 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 1/2 cups of spinach salad with bacon bits, grated cheese, hard boiled egg, tomato, mushroom, and vinaigrette
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with 1 light Laughing Cow wedge, tomato, and pepper
- 8 melba toast crackers
- 3/4 cup fat free yogurt with 1 cup Force Active cereal
- 1 Mandarin orange

- 1 hour and 45 minute walk
- 2 sets of 5 push-ups

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Getting Off My Duff

Just a quick note to say that I am feeling pretty confident that I will have the time to get in a good walk today. I am still running around like a madwoman, but I think that this afternoon I will probably have the opportunity to go from one errand to the next via my own two feet! I can't wait!

My Groove

The concert I attended tonight was incredible and I did indeed do a little bit of minor jiving to the melodies. Hopefully that helped burn a few calories, because - of course - we were running later than expected and didn't have a chance to get in the walk I was hoping for before the event.

Am I the only one getting sick of hearing this broken record? I don't know what to do about my inability to find the time to workout lately. I know things are supposed to officially slow down for me after the first of November, but I want to fix this now, not in a few days. I am just feeling annoyed with myself...

- 9 glasses of water throughout the day
- 4 inch sub on a whole wheat bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, olives, green pepper, light mayonnaise, mustard, and pepper
- 1 banana
- 8 pieces of a dynamite sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed skim milk
- 2 bites of garlic bread
- 4 cups of spinach salad with bacon bits, grated cheese, hard boiled egg, tomato, mushroom, and vinaigrette

- 2 sets of 50 stomach crunches

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

On With The Show

I have a concert that I am attending tonight, so I am worried that I will have very little time to formally workout again. I do think that I will probably burn a few calories dancing along to some tunes, but I am really hoping to at least get in a walk before the show.

The cravings that I fought with all day yesterday seem to have fully retreated, so I am thankful that I am no longer contending with that. I did just have a bit of an argument with one of my best friends though and I was worried that my frustration would trigger some binging behaviors, but nothing of the sort ever came up. Happily, we have already resolved the issue and I did not feel the need to stuff my emotions down with food!

Should I Be Worried?

Today was unexpectedly busy. I am starting to get the slightest bit worried about my lack of progress this week and am beginning to wonder if I am hitting a slump. The one saving grace in this line of thinking is that I know I have actually had a lot on my plate and am not just being lazy… I unfortunately do have to accept that there really are only twenty-four hours in a day.

Still, it is a little unsettling to see my progress grind to a virtual halt and to know that I have once more not had a good exercise day. The last thing that I want is for this to become a habit! On top of that, my food intake today was a real struggle. The hungry feeling that I was experiencing in the morning did not go away all day and I definitely ate a lot more than I have been. If I counted calories I am certain that they would have all been blown by midday.

The one piece of good news that I have to share is that I somehow managed to avoid the junk food that I so desperately wanted. Although I feel like I probably overate, I stuck with items that are largely good for me and had nary a chocolate nor a cookie. I really hope things calm down quickly so that I can regain my focus. I am not even close to being done this journey and I have to find a way to build this lifestyle into my daily routine no matter how crazy life gets. For now I just keep telling myself that all it takes is one step in front of the other…

- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 3 cups Caesar salad with light dressing and 2 Tb. whole wheat croutons
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with flaked canned ham, grated cheese, lettuce, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1/2 cup of raspberries
- 1 slice of pear
- 8 inch sub on a whole wheat bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, olives, green pepper, light mayonnaise, mustard, and pepper
- 8 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk

- 50 stomach crunches

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

From Out Of Left Field

I am feeling hungry today! It’s that growly, deep down, want to buy twenty dollars worth of junk and stuff my face with it all type of hunger. Ug! So far, I have concentrated on the produce and I am planning on keeping it that way, but right now I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I don’t feel bitter or upset about anything nor about these cravings I am currently having (which, unfortunately could turn out to be a problem), but I am sort of astounded that this seems to have come out of nowhere. I’m not sure where to go from here except to try and keep it under control. I will do my best to eat healthy and forgo the sweet, salty, and fattening treats that my mind is so focused on right now.

18 And Over... For Now

Tonight I decided to try on some smaller sized pants. My jeans have been feeling slightly loose the past week or so and I figured it was time to test the waters. At my highest weight, and still when I began this official journey back in August, I wore a size 24W. Today I bought a pair of 18W’s!

I tried on about ten different pair of pants – some my typical casual denim and some nicer slacks. A little over half were size 18 and three or four pairs were 18W’s. I could do up every single pair! Now, to be fair, not all of them fit terribly well; most of the 18’s resulted in some major muffin tops. There was one pair though that I seriously debated purchasing (I absolutely loved how they made my behind look) since the stomach rollover was significantly less than it was with the others, but I decided not to overshoot just yet.

Every pair of the larger pants fit perfectly though. I can’t believe it! I am officially out of the twenties and into the teens! Never again will I have to look for bottoms with a tag that starts with a two and has another digit following.

Something else incredible about this particular shopping excursion was that I was in a larger department store and started off considering clothes in the regular sized area. Granted, the 18W’s that I ended up purchasing were still from the plus sized section, but I was actually able to look around at the normal clothing with more than wishful thinking. It made me realize that the next time I am out with friends I may actually be able to try on a few things from the regular stores.

It’s crazy to think that three months ago I wouldn’t have been able to pull any of those pants up over my hips – possibly not even over my thighs – let alone get them all done up like I did today. I still have a lot more work to do, but it is great to know that I am chipping away at myself. Sooner rather than later I will return to buy those flattering regular 18’s, and I will continue happily proclaiming that it's all downhill from here.

- 11 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 cup of red and orange peppers with fat free Rancher’s Choice dressing
- 1/2 cup toasted seasoned spaghetti squash and pumpkin seeds
- 1 banana
- 1/2 cup steamed broccoli
- 1 cup tortellini
- 1 beef dip sandwich on a white bun with Miracle Whip, beef, and beef broth
- 1/2 mug white hot chocolate
- 2 cups broccoli, red pepper, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes, and celery with fat free Rancher’s Choice dressing

- 30 minutes on the recumbent bike
- 4 sets of 30 stomach crunches (2 straight, 1 right, and 1 left)
- 5 push ups
- 4 sets of 15 lunges for each leg
- 4 set of 15 squats

Monday, October 26, 2009

I'm Back, Baby!

So even though I probably could have slept for another few hours, I have gotten out of bed and am feeling much more refreshed and – more or less – ready to face the day. The last half a week or so has been an absolute whirlwind, so I am much relieved to be returning to a more normal paced life for a while.

Thank you to everyone who has been putting up with my super short, not always on topic, and likely rambling posts these past few days. I am behind on my own blog reading, but will be doing my best to catch up over the next few days, plus I will be rereading the comments left on my site just in case I missed comprehending some golden nuggets of wisdom or inquiries into my insanity while I was so overwhelmed and sleep deprived. Something reassuring that came out of all this is that I felt like continuing to blog, no matter how briefly nor nonsensical the entries seemed, was instrumental in helping me keep my focus on the healthier choices while I was amid the chaos. I am proud that I stayed committed to blogging while entrenched in this busyness and I know that journalling really has made a tremendous difference to this whole weight loss experience.

I know that it really worked during this specific trial too. Even though I hit a couple of stumbling blocks, I believe that I came through this exceptionally busy time with far fewer bumps and bruises on the eating and exercise fronts than I would have in the past. My activity levels suffered the most, but I am satisfied with the knowledge that I gave up sleep just to get done the projects which needed to be done and that, therefore, I was genuinely not making excuses about having no time to spare for working out.

Something else that shows me I am still making progress is that a second person finally noticed my drop in weight yesterday (both recognitions have happened right at the fifty pounds mark – go figure). A close friend casually asked me how much I had lost, and after I thanked her for noticing and told her the number, she seemed totally surprised. She proclaimed that I “carry it well” which I found interesting. I have spoken in the past about how I think I am actually – and fortunately – well proportioned (which is really just a nice way of saying I store my fat equally over every part of my body), so hearing her say those words made me consider the possibility that it just shows less as I lose since each part of me shrinks at the same rate. I’m not sure I completely buy that, because fifty pounds is still a lot to lose without anyone commenting, but it does give me something to consider the next time I am out with people and feeling frustrated because they don’t say anything about the changes to my body.

A couple of interesting things that happened while at the birthday party I attended yesterday, whose preparation was the major cause of all my craziness, had to do with the food provided at said event. First of all the treats looked delectable. Yes, I wrote ‘looked’. I actually really wouldn’t know how they tasted. The only sweet that I had at the celebration was a single bite of cake from my husband’s plate. This was a major accomplishment! I was even served a whole piece of my own despite my protests, but I simply put it down untouched next to the cake when no one was looking so that someone else could enjoy it. There were so many homemade sweets at the party that they warranted a completely separate table from the rest of the food, but I barely even felt tempted. I perused the items a couple of times and debated whether I would feel deprived if I went without, but ultimately was more than satisfied with passing on all the sugary goodness. Granted, now I am wishing I had one of those fresh raspberry cream puffs…

The second part of the different happenings concerning the food was another unexpected side effect of changing lifestyles. I did eat while at the event, but the manner in which I choose my food was so different from what it has been in the past that once I left the party I felt hungry. This is not to say that I under ate while there, but simple to point out how drastically I have managed to alter my habits while attending such an event.

Three months ago I would have set up camp next to the food table and gone back and forth between attempting to be subtle about my over enthusiastic intake by sneaking items into my mouth directly from the trays and foregoing any pride by piling my plate high with sweet treats and high carbohydrate options. This time, I got myself a plate of vegetables with dip right at the start and then made myself a relatively healthy sandwich towards the middle of the festivities. Because of these much wiser choices, taking care to not overeat, making sure I was more involved with talking to people than with what was available for consumption, and not feeling like I had to cram one of everything down my throat just to be sure I did not miss out my mind simply wasn’t focused on how my stomach was feeling. So it definitely amused me when my husband and I drove away from the party and several minutes later I realized that I was hungry.

Anyhow, this has turned into a bit of a novel, but I suppose that’s what happens when you try to catch up on several days in a single entry. That’s just one more reason to stay committed to blogging daily. I am really, really hoping to get in some decent exercise this evening although I don’t have anything specific in mind. That’s frightening! I am looking forward to working out. What is the world coming to?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Just Give Me A Moment To Collect My Thoughtzzzzz...

My weekend of barely made deadlines and fighting to keep my eyelids from slamming shut is drawing to a close. I want to write something brilliant and insightful, but I think that hitting the bed early tonight will do much more for me than introspective analysis at this point. I will make an attempt at genius tomorrow (smirk).

Suffice to say, my exercise for today was unfortunately once more virtually nonexistent, though I was on my feet for practically the whole day. For the first time since starting this blog I was also very bad about getting enough water. I can’t help but wonder if that is due to my out of character caffeine consumption right at the start of the day, although I am not ruling out that it may have just been because I was lazy about reaching my quota.

I can’t wait to refocus in the morning.

- 4 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 mug of pumpkin spice coffee
- 1 wrap on a soft whole wheat tortilla shell with egg white, spinach, feta cheese, and sun dried tomato
- 1 glass of orange punch
- 2 cups of broccoli, cauliflower, red pepper, and mushrooms with 1 Tb. dip
- 1 small sandwich on a whole wheat roll with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mustard
- 1 bite of birthday cake
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce

- 15 squats

Is That A Train?

AAAARRRRGGGG!!!! I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel...

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 1 cranberry and lemon muffin
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter and strawberry jam
- 6 inch sub on a Parmesan oregano bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, green pepper, olives, light mayonnaise, mustard, and pepper
- 1 large mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry yogurt with 1 cup Vector cereal

- 15 minute walk

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Weigh-In For Week 11

All this chipping away with the losses has paid off! I am now officially down a total of over fifty pounds from my highest weight! Woo hoo! The scale said 214.2 this morning which is another 3.6 pounds down from last week. I am really happy with this and I will be sure to celebrate properly when I am not rushing around like some madwoman.

Fifty pounds! YAY!!!

The Poor Eating Habit I Never Anticipated

I am up way too late, so I am just posting my food, beverages, and exercise for the day. Ugh! I’m not happy with myself; I ate far too little today and I didn’t even realize it until I wrote it all out just now. I did not expect to be under eating while busy, which I should have since I have done that in the past. I will have to make sure I force myself to make the time to do better tomorrow.

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 1 banana
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter and strawberry jam
- 6 whole wheat crackers
- 1/2 cup of dried cranberries
- 1 sip of pumpkin spice coffee
- 1 large mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk

- 35 minute walk with jogging intervals

Friday, October 23, 2009

A Couple Of Small Victories

I am still incredible busy, but I did find a way to kill two birds with one stone! The visit that I had scheduled to meet with a friend to talk just finished and I was able to get in some quality time with a great guy while also working out. We met and headed to one of the local parks where we walked and jogged our way around the track as we were able to carry on a short - but lovely - conversation. And he noticed! He said that I am looking good and that it shows that I have lost weight! Yay!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

I can barely think straight. I am so tired. I got three hours sleep last night and I am absolutely running on fumes right now. I continued to eat well today although I admit that I did not do great on the exercise.

I try not to write on this blog too much about things that are not health related, but I feel compelled to unload a tad… Today a family member had surgery due to a health issue and I was at the hospital for approximately seven hours waiting with his wife for him to be released. He is fine – the operation went well – but there is a sort of follow up visit that I will likely be attending with them in two days. I am scheduled to meet with two friends tomorrow – one who needs to talk and the other who asked for assistance with some information gathering. On top of that I am in dire need of finding more time to work on and complete two separate huge, detailed projects that I have committed myself to finishing for a birthday party that takes place this Sunday. Working on one of these endeavors was the reason I was up so late last night and I was able to use the rest of my free time for this today as well, but even with all that time already put in I still only finished a couple parts of a very large whole. I even have a Halloween party I am supposed to attend on Saturday evening, but – with no costume planned and less availability – I doubt that I will be able to go.

Life just got really busy, really quickly, and I wasn’t expecting it. I am the only one I have to blame. I’m one of those sickos who has trouble saying ‘no’ regardless of the fact that they are feeling completely overwhelmed. Plus, I love helping out and despise the thought of turning down someone who needs my assistance.

Anyhow, I guess that’s my lame excuse as to why I didn’t workout properly today. As I have been writing this, I have been trying to build up the energy to push out some lunges or stomach crunches to make myself feel better about having such poor activity levels, but my stores are all tapped out. I need sleep.

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 peach
- 4 cups of Caesar salad with shrimp, croutons, Parmesan, and pepper
- 1 banana
- 1/2 mug of decaffeinated tea with milk
- 8 whole wheat crackers
- 8 pieces of a spicy California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk

- 15 minute walk
- 5 sets of 15 squats

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Today's Mantra

I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge.
I am stronger than this challenge...

Making Time For Myself

The next few days, right through to the end of the weekend, are going to be incredibly busy. This will be a new opportunity for dealing with my eating issues under different circumstances. In the last couple of months I have had to learn how to cope with frustration and sadness without running for the nearest cheesecake, but now I am faced with a tougher enemy: deadlines.

The lack of time that I will be facing in the coming days is going to be significant and I know that in the past when I have been faced with that particular challenge I tend to grab food that is easy, on the go, and often comforting. In the past doughnuts, cookies, hot chocolate, fast food burgers, and chocolate bars are a few of the things I have generally turned to as I flew from one jam packed moment to the next.

This time I am doing my best to prepare myself. I am taking stock of how I am feeling and – while time may not necessarily be on my side right now – I am going into this with an awareness of the challenges I will face and ways that I can attempt to tackle them. I know that I can find salads in most of the places that sell French fries. I can’t convince myself to make unhealthy choices with lies about how candy will give me as long lasting an energy boost as fresh fruit. I won’t conveniently forget that water is an option at pretty much every establishment.

I may be embarking on a very busy few days, but I am still preparing for me to walk away from them with little to no consequences of poor choices while amid their chaos. I can do this. I will do this.

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 plum
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with light peanut butter and strawberry jam
- 1/2 cup of steamed cauliflower with margarine
- 2 slices of ham with mustard
- 3 cups of salad with lettuce, cucumber, celery, apple, raisins, carrots, and fat free Italian dressing
- 1/2 cup of raisins

- 1 hour and 30 minute walk

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Does That Mean My Brain Is Shrinking Too?

I am taking up less room in the tub when I have a bath. This is really neat. Honestly, I still sort of feel like a bit of a beached whale while in there, but I can tell that I am displacing less water now and that my form does not so neatly fill the whole of the basin. So, there is definitely progress there.

Also – and this is an odd one – I realized yesterday that I seem to be producing less ear wax. Not to imply that my body created a large amount prior to making healthier choices, but since I have started this journey I am certainly less aware of any minor build-ups. It’s strange the things that you notice when you drastically alter your lifestyle.

Despite changes that I am noticing, the majority of the people in my life are still apparently unaware of the fact that I am losing. My husband gets full disclosure, and my mother knows about the majority of the changes I have made, but most friends and family still seem to be oblivious to what I have been doing and how hard I have been working at it.

My mom did tell me that my head looks smaller. I chuckled when I heard that because I couldn’t figure out whether it was a compliment or not! She meant that my face has thinned out a bit from the weight loss which means it looks littler atop my still rather large body. I’ll take it! Praise is what you make of it.

Break Time Is Over

Taking the morning off from blogging today really helped me to refocus on where I want to go on this pilgrimage to a healthier me. I know what I need to do to get to my final destination and I am becoming more aware of the majority of the obstacles that may present challenges along the way.

I have been aiming to blog once when I wake up to solidify my mindset early each day and once before going to sleep to allow myself to reflect on what was accomplished or which parts were a struggle. I will have to remind myself that this is an ideal framework and one that needs to be flexible to actually allow my overall goals to be achieved. If I can only do a single post once in a while – or even if I have to skip a couple of days all together on the very, very rare occasion – then I have to be okay with that. Like it is with this weight loss journey, I need to let go of the all of nothing mentality that I sometimes find myself defaulting to.

I do not want to give up journalling this daily fight. I refuse to actually. It has been too important a component in helping me get this far. The accountability, accurate records, and motivation that I get from this are all integral parts of why I have succeeded as much as I have so far. Learning about what others go through, developing a sense of camaraderie with other bloggers, and having the community remark on my progress has given me invaluable gifts. There is no way I could continue as enthusiastically as I have without all of that.

So I am staying committed to this blog. I will do my very best to continue posting twice a day as I have been, but I will recognize that this is not always possible. If I have to miss the odd entry then I will not dwell on that fact, but rather rest assured that my readers will understand as well as in the knowledge that I will not falter in my pursuit of health simply because I was not immaculate in recording my every waking thought about the path that I am walking.

Writing about my food and exercise, feelings that arise due to complications or celebrations, or the random insightful and thoughtful post about a particular aspect of health or weight loss is important. Yet actually dealing with these things is the most necessary part of getting to where I am going. Today, I took the time to remind myself of that fact. However, I know that if I work hard, stay focused, and do my best to manage my days effectively, the majority of the time I can still generally do both.

- 11 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 3 cups of steamed asparagus with margarine
- 1 cup of steamed cauliflower with margarine
- 2 slices of ham with mustard
- 3/4 cup fat free peach yogurt with 1 cup Vector cereal
- 1/2 glass caramel macchiato soy milk

- 45 minute step workout video
- 50 minute walk
- 40 minutes on the recumbent bike
- 2 sets of 2 minutes of weight lifting with 5 lbs per arm

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Temporary Leave Of Absence

I know that I promised to write something more in depth this evening, but I am afraid I may have to disappoint. I have run into a small problem. I realized as I finally finished pouring over all the blogs I didn’t have time to read this morning and afternoon that my time has dwindled away to nothing today. And I haven’t worked out!

This just won’t do! So, I am declaring a very temporary state of emergency and making the decision to not post again until tomorrow night. I need to refocus on the actual accomplishing of my weight loss goals, not only on the recording of them. I will be back in twenty-four hours - hopefully a little sweatier and more thoroughly exercised than tonight.

The wonderful Melissa from Melissa’s Adventures in Kids, Knitting, and Weight Loss has bestowed the honour of the One Lovely Blog Award onto me. Thank you, Melissa! I love all the support that these neat badges show and I will continue to proudly display them all on my sidebar. However, in the spirit of sticking with my short self-imposed ban on blogging, I will have to defer to my earliest acceptance of this award and hope that people understand my need to cut this short.

I shall return…

- 9 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 1/2 cups of baby spinach salad with onion, tomato, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing
- 1 banana
- 1 pretzel
- 2 1/2 cups spaghetti with meat sauce and Parmesan
- 2 cups salad with lettuce, cucumber, carrot, peppers, and creamy onion dressing
- 1 mug of decaffeinated tea with milk
- 1 slice of home made banana bread with butter
- 1 bite of a molasses cookie
- 1 mug of pumpkin spice chai steamed soy milk

- 50 stomach crunches

Monday, October 19, 2009


I am feeling a bit blue still, but I will remain focused on the goal. I have a busy day ahead, yet I will make sure I post something more detailed later tonight. I wish I could compartmentalize more effectively... it would make staying on track with the food and exercise so much easier when I am finding the rest of life stressful as has been the case lately.

What Is This, The Academy Awards?

I haven’t had a very good day – life wise, I mean; I am doing fine with the eating and exercising although not without a lot of effort. So I was really touched to see that 100in12 has given me the Gorgeous Blog Award. Thank you very much! It honestly picked me up when I was feeling quite low, so it means a lot to receive this today.

As with many such accolades there are guidelines to follow and they are:

1. Thank the person who nominated me.
2. Copy the award and place it on my blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated me.
4. Name six things people might find interesting.
5. Nominate seven bloggers.
6. Post links to the bloggers I nominate.

Without further ado, I present a peek at the more random side of me:

1. When I wave at people I usually do so with two fingers in a sort of relaxed ‘peace’ sign.
2. I am worried that I won’t be able to have children even though the thought is totally unfounded.
3. Even though my goal is 150 I have a secret desire to get my weight down to 133 so that I can say I lost a whole me.
4. I believe that I have a bit of a superiority complex and a bit of an inferiority complex, but not necessarily in that order.
5. My belly button is so deep I can stick my finger in it up to the first joint, although I generally don’t since I absolutely hate how that feels.
6. I am one of the most deeply spiritual people that I know.

And, of course, I am pleased to pass this onto seven other wonderful blogs:

I would also like to take this opportunity to hand out a few Significant Milestone Awards to three fabulous people who have recently achieved some really remarkable things. To explain what this little badge stands for I will quote myself verbatim:

“Created with weight loss blogs in mind, but not necessarily limited to only them, The Significant Milestone Award has been designed to be handed out to those who have reached a noteworthy marker on a journey of personal betterment. It may be given to a blogger who has recently achieved a meaningful accomplishment such as a ten percent drop in body weight, a twenty-five pound loss, or reaching their final goal. Anyone who has already received this award may pass it on to another blogger when they feel that it is warranted, provided that they take the time to ensure that they are presenting it for a truly exceptional and important feat. The only stipulation that is attached to accepting The Significant Milestone Award is that the recipient must take at least one full minute to really think about what they have achieved and to feel good about themselves.”

1. Merry from Sheesh for reaching her long term goal of 200 sit-ups!

2. Jack at Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit for recently reaching the 75 pounds lost mark!

3. The Road Curves Ahead for reaching the 50 pounds lost mark!

- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 1/2 cups of pumpkin spice soup with cheese tortellini
- 1 large banana
- 1 mug of pumpkin spice chai steamed soy milk
- 1 wrap on a soft whole wheat tortilla shell with scrambled egg white, feta cheese, spinach, and sun-dried tomato
- 4 cups of baby spinach salad with onion, tomato, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing
- 1 mug of decaffeinated tea with milk

- 30 minute walk
- 5 push ups
- 3 sets of 50 stomach crunches (1 straight, 1 right, and 1 left)
- 2 sets of 2 minutes of weight lifting with 5 lbs per arm
- 2 set of 15 squats

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Fading Afterglow

I feel much better after a good night’s rest. My legs are definitely feeling the effects of the 5K though; they are stiff and achy so I’m not yet sure of what my workouts for the day are going to look like. I may end up having to just concentrate on stomach crunches and arm weights to give them a break, but I know I will figure out how much I can push myself as the day unfolds.

After yesterday’s organized walk (and jog) I am actually feeling a little disconnected. I am still in really good spirits, but I am worried that I will just end up floating around aimlessly on this journey without some direction now that the 5K is over. I think that being so irresolute right now could be detrimental to my progress and I would like to avoid that.

I need to come up with something to look forward to that will help motivate me for the next while. It appears that I do well and get good results when I have a plan in place. So I think coming up with a new short term goal or aspiration will only benefit me as I continue to walk this path to better health.

Exercising My Discretion

Due to how much I pushed it at the 5K I decided to leave that as my only exercise of the day. I figure I am justified in that decision. Plus the exhaustion that I am feeling right now is not terribly conducive to high energy aerobics or numerous stomach crunches. I am, however, willing to try my hand at a low impact face plant onto the bed, perhaps followed up with some intense eyelid closures.

- 11 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with 2 scrambled eggs, grated cheese, mushroom, and pepper
- 1 banana
- 1 toasted raisin English muffin with 1 wedge of light Laughing Cow, cherry tomatoes, and pepper
- 1 turkey sandwich on country grain bread with dark turkey meat, light mayonaise, seasoning, and pepper
- 1 mug of vanilla rooibos decafeinated tea with milk
- 1 plum

- 5K race completed in 42:01

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!

When I wrote this morning that I was “a tad” disappointed by my weigh-in, that was a complete falsehood. I was really upset. I mean, I was totally and completely heartbroken when I saw that red number come up on the screen of my scale. Yesterday I was a whole pound less than I was this morning, and that was before eating well and pushing myself with the exercise all day on Friday. I was so distraught to see that I had missed the mark I was so sure I could make with all that effort.

So when I awoke and weighed myself, went to this online journal and recorded it, I was not happy at all. And I am ashamed to say that I continued with my foul mood for the majority of the journey to get out to the 5K race. It was raining, I was nervous, wrong time of month, crappy weigh-in, unfamiliar path, blah, blah, blah… I had a million reasons to sustain my bitterness and deny myself the enthusiasm and excitement of such an important day.

Then we arrived. My husband and I found the hall where they were doing registration and I started to let it all go. I quickly realized – as I was given a shirt and a race number – that I was about to miss out on one of the most important events of my life regardless of being present for it.

I changed into my walking gear and looked around at the gathering crowd - all there to walk, jog, run, and support a cause that they believed in. My husband stood by my side the entire time, never wavering in his support and loving gaze. We headed out and looked at the arch that marked the start and finish line of the race; I felt excited and scared and proud.

I suddenly grasped just how childish I had been by sulking. I thought about how unappreciative I was being for the loss that I had seen in the morning, even if it wasn’t as much as I had hoped for. I recognized the ease with which I have walked this path thus far and the immaturity that I had shown by being ungrateful for a perfectly good drop in weight. Me not getting to the fifty pound mark this week is of no significance in the long run. I felt small when faced with my shortcomings.

But I also felt privileged to be doing something for a charity that helps provide the children of developing nations with educational opportunities. I was proud that I had not let a bad mood convince me to scrap the idea of walking in my first 5K. I even found salvation from my earlier actions by recognizing that I had not yet destroyed my chance to participate in the race with an open heart and a freshly renewed spirit. I stood taller – knowing that it was not too late – and then it was time for the event to begin.

I kissed and hugged my husband, he wished me luck, and I made my way to the middle of the pack of 170 registrants. The clock counted down from ten and we were off! And I was running.

I had toyed with the idea of jogging for three or four really short spurts of the race – just enough to help me slip under the fifty minute mark that was my goal – and when I was standing with the other participants I made up my mind to do just that. Except when I ran out of steam after approximately a minute of very slow running, I only walked for about another minute before I saw my husband standing off to the side of the first looping part of the route, waiting to take my picture. So I started jogged again just to give him an opportunity to take a nice photo.

Then I walked. And then I jogged. And then I walked and jogged some more. Before I knew it I was passing the water station at the three kilometer point so I started doing even more bursts of speed. I think when it was all said and done I ran at least a quarter of the route, although I am sure it was no more than half. I was shocked at the high amount of energy that I was experiencing, but I was determined to finish strong so even though I was already sweaty, red-faced, and wanting to keel over, I pushed it for all I had during the last minute or so and completed my first 5K with a total time of 42:01!!!

Forty-two minutes and one second! I still can’t believe it! How on earth did I do that?! I am getting emotional just writing about it now. I don’t incorporate jogging or running into my workouts yet and I still weigh-in at nearly 218 pounds. I have no idea how I pulled that off, but I do know that I am extremely, out of this world ecstatic about it!

Something lit a fire under my behind and I am feeling fortunate and blessed that the race happened in the way that it did. I am thankful that I did not let myself miss out on an incredible experience because I was sulking over something that wasn’t even remotely bad, and I’m pleased that I moved on to much bigger things without continuing to focus on what I perceived as negative.

I did a 5K!!! I walked and jogged it with much more energy than I thought I would ever by able to muster, and I completed the race in a shade over forty-two minutes! I am still stunned, but so grateful! Now, with tears in my eyes, I know that this is real. I know that I can lose the rest of this excess weight and become the healthy person that I have always wanted to be. I know that I can because I am already closer than I dreamed possible. I know that I can because it isn’t the number that flashed at me this morning that I will remember from today, but the glowing digits that I saw as I passed that finish line.

Weigh-In For Week 10

I am going to be leaving really soon to head out to my first 5K, but I wanted to quickly post my weight before I left. This morning is 217.8 which is only 1.4 pounds down from last week’s weigh-in. I am still pleased that I am seeing a loss, but it is the smallest one (by far) I have noted since starting this blog which is a tad disappointing. And, really, I was truly hoping I would be able to say that I had passed the fifty pound mark today. Sigh…

At any rate, I am off to walk my race so wish me luck!

Walk This Way

Tomorrow will be my first official 5K walk. I was going to try and go to bed earlier than usual tonight to make sure that I am rested for the event, but that seems unlikely at this point. I’m not sure my husband is overly pleased with having to pry himself from the loving arms of sleep so early on a Saturday just to stand around and wait for me to cross the finish line so he can take my picture, but he is supporting me regardless so I can’t really complain.

I am pretty nervous about what the morning will bring. Once - many years ago and due to a last minute decision - I participated in the starting portion of an organized walk, but I was with friends and happily bailed with them about twenty minutes in when they didn’t want to continue to the end. Other than that this is my first exposure to anything along these lines.

I spoke with one of the event organizers and they are expecting between 100 and 150 people, which I was initially happy to hear because I figured it was fewer people to embarrass myself in front of. Now, I keep thinking about what it will feel like if it turns out that all of them are hardcore runners and I am the only walker. Like I said, I am getting more and more anxious the closer I get to that start line.

Another thing I am worried about is the route. I haven’t seen what the path for this race looks like, but I believe it runs through a park which makes me wonder if it will be more like a trail. I paced out a 51 minute 5K just a few days ago but that was on pavement. My goal is to push myself and try to come in under 50 minutes – even if only by a few seconds; I just want to be able to finish sometime in the 40’s – but I don’t know if I can do that if I am walking on gravel or a dirt road. On top of all that it is currently pouring rain outside which I am certain will make for trickier footing regardless of the type of surface we will be treading on. Ahhh! Why am I so nervous?

I am actually also feeling excited about the prospect of doing this 5K. Not only will I be able to take part in something specifically associated with physical activity in a way I never dreamed I would be able, but with my registration fee I will also be supporting a charity that benefits children. Even though my nerves have a firm grasp on me right now, the end results of participating tomorrow definitely seem like they create a real win-win to me!

- 11 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 cup of beef and broccoli
- 1 toasted raisin English muffin with 1 wedge of light Laughing Cow, tomato, and pepper
- 4 cups Greek salad with lettuce, black olives, onion, feta cheese, and oil dressing
- 2 plums
- 1/2 mug of heated caramel macchiato soy milk
- 1 carrot with fat free rancher’s choice dressing

- 1 hour and 10 minute walk
- 20 sets of walking up and down stairs (not all at one time)
- 4 sets of 50 stomach crunches (2 straight, 1 right, and 1 left)
- 2 sets of 5 push ups
- 2 sets of 2 minutes of weight lifting with 5 lbs per arm
- 4 sets of 15 squats
- 35 minute step workout video

Friday, October 16, 2009

Got Curves?

If you have curves you are not alone. Next time you are feeling a bit blue about the size or shape of your physique, remember the amazing company that you keep. The world is full of beautiful, confident, and influential females of all body types!

Miss Piggy
Queen Latifa
Kathy Bates
Anne Rice
Marilyn Manroe
Michelle Obama
Princess Fiona
Margaret Cho
Mona Lisa
Whitney Thompson
Oprah Winfrey

What A Prick!

I am feeling drained. I gave blood today and it just really took it out of me. The nurse who was taking care of me told me that I wasn’t allowed to workout for six to eight hours after my donation, so the day was unfortunately a tad lackluster when it came to the exercise. I did manage to squeeze a couple of things in at the very end of the day after my required down time, but overall the energy has been pretty low.

On the positive side of things, the readings that were taken the last time I gave blood are better than they were in August. Although they were a little questionable when I went in two months ago, my iron levels today were good – which is rather astounding considering the time of month – and my blood pressure was normal. The numbers (120 over 61) were apparently so excellent, in fact, that the woman remarked as she removed the cuff, “Wow! That’s a really good reading!” Apparently she was expecting a lot less from the pudgy woman sitting across from her.

- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 cups cobb salad with chicken, hard boiled egg, bacon bits, grated cheese, lettuce, grape tomatoes, green onion, black olives, and fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 2 Mandarin oranges
- 1 small bite of a pumpkin spice blizzard
- 1 glass of a strawberry breakfast drink
- 1 glass of peach juice
- 2 shortcake biscuits
- 2 cups of beef and broccoli
- 1 cup yellow pepper with fat free rancher’s choice
- 1/2 glass of caramel macchiato soy milk

- 25 minute step workout video
- 4 sets of 50 stomach crunches (2 straight, 1 right, and 1 left)
- 10 sets of walking up and down stairs (not all at one time)
- 30 minute walk

Thursday, October 15, 2009

It's On!

With the race route that I scouted out yesterday still in the back of my mind, I searched some more online and found that the Running Room has a great website that lists a wide variety of races for many different cities. I investigated a little further and was able to identify two local 5K’s taking place near me this weekend, which means that my husband would be able to come and cheer me on. I couldn’t be happier, especially considering that both sign-up fees support the needs of children.

I am awaiting a map from one of the race contacts so that I can make my final decision so, even though I haven’t yet solidified which one I will be participating in, I am now officially committing to my very first 5K walk. We talked about it, and my wonderfully supportive husband will be sitting this time out specifically so that he can be waiting to take my picture as I cross my inaugural finish line. I am so excited!

As I wrote that last sentence I realized that my moods have really seemed all over the place in this online journal. I actually consider myself a relatively stable and even-keel type of person, so my only justification for this is that I am undergoing some pretty major changes with this new lifestyle of mine. Attempting to alter decades of habits is hard, and the occasional resulting turmoil obviously comes through in my writing. I truly am doing the best that I can to make this blog an honest reflection of what this journey has been like for me, and in doing so I hope to create an archive of thoughtful - and sometimes insightful - moments I can use to guide me through the more difficult parts of this undertaking. Happy, sad, or indifferent... each time my fingers hit the keyboard, I am offering up the best me that I can.

Talking About, Feeling Like, And Eating Lots Of Crap

Today sucked. I already tried writing the start of this post several times and nothing seemed to do it justice quite like that two word sentence, so I am letting the statement stand. Allow me to reiterate: today sucked.

I did, indeed, stroll along the route of the 5K I am contemplating walking in and that portion of the day was fine. The path was very simple and mostly flat with one moderate hill a little way past the halfway mark. The whole thing took me 51 minutes to walk so it wouldn’t be a problem if I do decide to participate. I just haven’t made up my mind yet about whether or not to register. They are advertising it mostly as a Halloween themed family activity and since it would just be me, I am not sure if I should do it.

Anyhow, the reason I am having a hard time is that I have felt a bit lonely lately. Because of scheduling conflicts, I have not been able to get together with my friends very often over the past month and – with all of the changes I have been going through in regards to my weight loss and increase in health – it is beginning to really frustrate me that my progress is not even being given a chance to be noticed.

I know I flip flop on this issue. Sometimes I like the idea of people noticing and other times I despise the thought, but right now – with the option not even being available – I am feeling neglected. To some degree I want to share what is going on in my life and I have really been missing the opportunity to do that with the individuals who are supposed to be interested.

On top of that particular piece of emotional baggage, there are a few health concerns regarding a family member, so both my husband and I are feeling the stress of that. I also began my monthly womanly duties today, so the possibility of me breaking down right now is very real.

All day long I was craving food; not for anything specific, just as something to constantly munch on. I thought I had done really well countering my rather gluttonous desires, but after looking at the list of my food intake for the day I am feeling a little differently.

It’s not that I ate anything really bad, but more that I ate a lot of what I did have. I don’t generally count calories, but I do try to make sure that I stay aware of approximately how much I am eating in a day. Today was under the 2000 calorie mark, but I am sure it was over 1500 which is quite high for me. Even though I did pretty well with my holiday dinners this past weekend, I know that consuming this much food will not result in a very good weigh-in on Saturday.

I am not even sure what happened. I guess that with me feeling emotional and trying to stay away from unhealthy foods, I overate on the stuff that I deemed acceptable because I still felt the need to put something into my stomach. Not good. I need to be more careful of this. I can’t let these old habits slip in when I am not paying attention, and certainly not when I think I am doing well because the surprise at the end of that type of stint will not be pleasant. I need to be more accountable and not simply replace cookies with salad, especially when neither of those is an adequate substitute for my mental stability and physical well-being.

- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 cups cobb salad with chicken, hard boiled egg, bacon bits, grated cheese, lettuce, grape tomatoes, green onion, black olives, and fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 6 inch sub on a whole wheat bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, green pepper, light mayonnaise, mustard and pepper
- 2 small Mandarin oranges
- 4 cups of Caesar salad with Parmesan, croutons, and bacon bits
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a California roll with soy sauce

- 50 minute walk
- 35 minutes on the recumbent bike

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Fly-By Posting

Unfortunately, I am off and running – no, not literally – with no time to post much. My big plan for the day is to investigate the course for the 5K I am considering walking. Other than that, I haven’t had a chance to plan much so I’ll just have to see where the day takes me!

Stepping It Up

I am afraid that this being my third post of the day, I really haven’t much left to say. I am still giggling fairly often to myself about the walk I already wrote about taking this afternoon, so my brain isn’t really up for focusing too much right now.

I will report that my right upper arm has been quite sore due to my attempt at doing regular push ups last night, so I laid off of working those muscles at all today. Also, I did my exercise video again, but actually finally used the step. These may be small victories, but I know that they will ultimately add up to help me win this war.

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 cups of strawberries
- 3 cups Caesar salad with light dressing, croutons, and dried cranberries
- 1 turkey sandwich on marble rye bread with fat free Miracle Whip, gravy, and pepper
- 8 whole wheat crackers
- 1 mug of sugar free caramel steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a dynamite sushi roll with soy sauce

- 1 hour and 45 minute walk
- 45 minute step workout video

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Comedy Of Errors

So I decided to go for a nice long walk and about ten minutes into it I realized that a couple of the clasps on my bra had somehow worked themselves loose. I proceeded to make my way up an alley so that I would have a little more privacy rectifying the problem. However, as I started down the next lane I failed to notice the swarm of tiny flies a few feet in and had one propel itself straight into my eye. Now picture a chubby woman - trying to keep up her quick pace as she speeds down a back road, determination or stupidity undermining the good sense required to actually stop and resolve this double issue - with both hands stuffed up the back of her shirt groping at the band of her supportive undergarment while she blinks uncontrollably with a grimace stretched across her face and tears beginning to form in her eyes.

Yeah. I am pure class. Somehow I managed to re-clasp my bra and remove the offending insect - or, at least, the offending insect’s corpse - from my extremely irritated eyeball all by the time I got to the end of that alley and reemerged onto the main streets. Now fast forward about twenty minutes.

This was the point that I realized I would need to ingest less protein than usual today. At the exact same moment as I took a deep breath a totally different – and unfortunately larger – fly decided to make a beeline for the back of my throat at top speed. It was like the sucker was on some kamikaze mission meant to avenge the death of his fallen brethren! I coughed and sputtered for all I was worth and even stuck my finger into my mouth, trying to dislodge the tiny bugger to no avail. Eventually the impulse was just too strong and I had to swallow! Gag! I am certain the look of pure disgust on my face at that moment sent a team of spying satisfied insects back to their headquarters where they were able to report on a successfully delivered revenge.

Wait, I’m not done… Although much less vulgar than the first couple of instances, I also managed to squeeze two more irritants into a simple walk. Approximately five minutes after swallowing the suicidal critter, I went to push the button for a pedestrian light and broke a nail. Seriously?! At this point I openly chuckled to myself over the absurdity of the entire situation and undoubtedly amused a number of onlookers as they drove past. All they saw was some odd chick in a disheveled shirt on the corner laughing out loud, staring with only one good eye at her middle finger, and intermittently attempting to spit out random fly bits.

Then it rained. I think I may have given the sky the bird with my messed up fingernail at that point.

Ahh… the hazards of getting in shape.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Truth

I have good news and I have bad news. I prefer getting difficult information first so that I have something to look forward to after my world crashes down around me, so here it is: the scale hasn’t really moved much since I weighed-in on Saturday. The good news? The scale hasn’t really moved much since I weighed-in on Saturday.

Considering that I just got through two Thanksgiving dinners complete with dessert, I think that is cause for celebration… cheesecakes for everyone!!! Just kidding! I am very happy that my weight didn’t skyrocket with all the yummy festive food though – and, in fact, I am actually very slightly down which is definitely a first following a holiday feast – but now I need to get back to regularly scheduled programming. I will have to work even harder over the next few days to make sure that I have another good loss when I next face the foul one-inch thick beastie that haunts my washroom floor.

Happy Turkey Day!

I did not get anything done in the way of formal exercise prior to today’s turkey feast. I did however do a lot of housework, so at least I was active. My stomach is not upset like it was last night which means that I was able to complete a proper workout at the end of my day, complete with squeezing out a few regular push ups for the very first time. I am happy that I am not sitting here with another achy tummy like I had after yesterday’s big meal. Apparently my body doesn’t take much time to readjust to different eating habits.

I used the same techniques that I mentioned in yesterday’s post to help me get through this evening’s gathering without overdoing it. Once more, I felt very successful. The best part is that I never thought I was missing out on anything; I just had smaller portions and – since I allowed my body the time it needed to register as full – never went back for seconds. Right now, I feel like I can do this for all of my holidays, for the rest of my life. I would love for that to become my reality!

The one little hiccup that I had to deal with tonight was that as we sat down to eat I was already so engaged in conversation that I almost didn’t think about how I was approaching this differently than I have at other occasions. I caught myself right away and was able to regain my focus so the potential problem never amounted to anything. However, the point is that the good habits are not completely formed yet and I have to stay aware to avoid those prior pitfalls.

The need for me to be thoughtful around food is still very real and I have to continue to remind myself of that sometimes. Mindlessness is a big part of what got me to my highest weight. If I hadn’t snapped out of it tonight I probably would have dished myself out larger helpings and proceeded to shovel them down instead of chewing with intent. One meal won’t make a difference in the long run, but the new me is still competing with over three decades of deeply ingrained muscle memories and automatic reflexes. Only an inept fool would return to those bad habits now. And regardless of the fact that it may fit in nicely with the theme of Thanksgiving, I am no turkey.

- 12 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 1/2 cup of strawberries
- 3 1/2 cups of Caesar salad with light dressing, croutons, and dried cranberries
- 1/2 cup of dark turkey with cranberry sauce and gravy
- 1/2 cup of stuffing
- 1/2 cup of corn
- 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes
- 1/2 cup of steamed broccoli
- 1 cheese perogy
- 1 brown bun with butter
- 1 small glass of Merlot ice wine
- 1 cup of strawberries with 1 tsp. sugar and 1/2 cup low fat Cool Whip
- 4 bites of pumpkin pie

- 45 minute step workout video (without the step)
- 2 sets of 5 push ups
- 3 sets of 50 stomach crunches (1 straight, 1 right, and 1 left)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Two Months Behind, And A Life Ahead

Today marks two months of blogging and officially being on this journey to better health and a lower number on the scale, so I thought I would take a quick moment and look at my statistics. In the last sixty-one days I have lost over thirty-five pounds and - when considering the measurements for my bust, waist, hips, both arms, and both thighs - twenty inches from my frame. I would say that is a big accomplishment!

On top of those numbers, I have also gone from a size 24W to a 20W jean and discovered that my tops are now fitting longer due to them not having to hang over quite so many layers of fat. My body mass index has dropped from a high level two obesity reading down to level one. I even notice differences in the mirror which is huge considering I have always been my own worst critic. To top it all off I have figured out that I have dropped over thirteen percent of my body weight since beginning this blog. I am pleased!

Onto another topic I would like to profusely thank Irene from Livin’ Large for bestowing another Over The Top Blog Award unto me today. I received this accolade a little less than a week ago from a couple of fellow bloggers, so for now my answers will mostly remain the same. I will report differently on several of them though since those questions are based more on the situation which has changed since last Wednesday. Thanks again, Irene!
6. Your dream last night? Inconsecutive
13. Where were you last night? Celebrating
18. Last thing you did? Drank
19. What are you wearing? Robe
24. Your mood? Charged

One Down, One To Go

I think the first official holiday dinner since starting this journey went pretty well. I wouldn’t say I did perfectly, but then I was never hoping for perfection - just control. I actually did great when it came to avoiding the pre-supper chips and nuts. I even turned down the offers of soda and liquor. The meal itself did, indeed, have the limited choices that I had feared, but I made do rather nicely.

I only took about half the sized portions of what I normally would have served myself in the past. Plus, I never went back for seconds, which I most assuredly would have done at any prior occasions such as today’s. I ate slowly and thoughtfully. I put my fork down many, many times. I even got up once to refill my water so that I was able to pause from the eating for a brief moment. I managed to end my meal so that I was finished at the same time as everyone else – although nearly everybody had already had second or third helpings – and I set about helping to clear the dishes right away so that I wouldn’t be tempted to pick at the food left on the table. Overall, I think that it went really well and I am really pleased that I was able to implement so many techniques to help me get through a potentially difficult holiday dinner.

And then dessert was served.

I returned from the kitchen, where I had been putting some things away in the fridge, to discover that the hostess was in the process of serving up bowls of chocolate trifle. Yikes! I immediately requested just a small helping, but inevitably found an average sized serving staring back at me. So, I very slowly - while taking tiny bites - set about consuming the delicious, creamy dessert. I genuinely did not want to be rude by turning it down or leaving some of it uneaten, but fortunately a couple of people were happy to have me share with them the portion I was reluctant to finish.

I think that this is the first time since beginning this blog that I felt completely full after a meal. This is not to necessarily say that I overate. I honestly think that I did well considering the concerns that I had going into this. But because I now eat many smaller portions throughout the day, having one large chunk of food in one go was a little overwhelming.

Something scary that I have to admit though is that, were I not keeping myself in check and remaining conscious of my eating, I probably still could have easily succumbed to old habits and shoveled three times the amount of food in my mouth as I actually did. Considering I was totally full tonight, it really makes me aware of just how much I must have been overdoing it in the past.

The one downside to eating all of that wonderful food is how I am feeling now. I am sick. My stomach is turning and I just feel ill. I had to take a couple of antacids which I haven’t done in – hmmm, let’s see now – two months. I may have eaten the first normal sized holiday dinner I have had in a long, long time, but it was still a lot of food compared to the portions I have been doling out to myself lately. The unfortunate result is that I am feeling gross and unable to do very much on the exercise front. Hopefully tomorrow will find me with more energy and the ability to carry out some activity before I partake in my final feast of Thanksgiving.

- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 pear
- 2 cups of red pepper with fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 1/2 glass of white wine
- 2 gherkin pickles
- 1 cup of dark turkey with cranberry sauce and gravy
- 1/2 cup of stuffing
- 1/2 cup of corn
- 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes
- 1 white bun with butter
- 3/4 cup of chocolate trifle
- 1 mug of tea with milk
- 2 cup of celery with 2 Tb. light peanut butter

- 3 sets of 2 minutes of weight lifting with 5 lbs per arm
- 3 sets of 15 lunges for each leg
- 3 sets of 15 squats

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Turkey Temptations

Today is the first of my two Thanksgiving dinners. This is the one I am expecting to have a little less control over - due to what will likely be served – but I am still hoping that it doesn’t manifest too poorly on the scale. My biggest challenge today may actually be trying to find the time to exercise adequately enough to counter the calorie intake. At any rate, I will do my best to stay the course!

All Revved Up With No Place To Go

I was all ready to write tonight about a local 5K race that I was planning on walking this Monday. I had hummed and hawed in my head for the last couple of weeks about whether I was going to do it or not, and tonight I made the decision that I would. Well, I looked up the details online and somehow I must have gotten my wires crossed because it is actually a 10K. That in itself is not enough to deter me, but then I saw the entrance fee! Between my husband and I it would be a triple digit cost and we just can’t afford that right now on top of everything else. Sigh…

I was so excited about this race. I had no intention of running, but I thought that just participating as a walker would have been a really great experience, and one that would serve me well if I ever entered something similar as a jogger.

Refusing to admit defeat, I started looking up other races that are taking place over the next month or so. I found one that fits the bill quite well – a 5K in a couple of weeks with a much lower registration fee – but my husband has a prior commitment on that day and wouldn’t be able to do it with me. I certainly don’t need him there, but I just love that he has wanted to be a part of all these big changes that I have undergone on this journey. If I was planning to run then him being present would not be a question (even though this would be my first 5K, it would feel more monumental if I were not simply intending to walk, I think), yet even so it makes me sad to think that he would miss seeing me walk across my first finish line.

I don’t know. I feel pretty disappointed that I won’t be doing this Monday’s event like I had anticipated. Now I guess I need to make a decision about whether I should do this other race without my main support system there. I can’t help it… even if it is comprised of just one very important person, I still really like having a cheering section.

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 2 1/2 cups of celery with 2 Tb. light peanut butter
- 3/4 cup fat free peach yogurt with 1 cup of Just Right cereal
- 3 1/2 cups of chicken Caesar salad with light dressing, canned chicken, Parmesan, croutons, and bacon bits
- 1 mug of tea with skim milk
- 1 slice of toasted rye bread with margarine
- 1 heated pear with cinnamon

- 1 hour walk
- 2 sets of 50 stomach crunches

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Weigh-In For Week 9

I am so happy with today’s number! 219.2! This means that I am down more than four and a half pounds and now – with a BMI of 34.3 – officially register at level one obesity rather than level two. On top of that I am also out of the two-twenties and have less than twenty pounds to go until I hit one-derland!

I am going to reward myself by arranging for a nice massage from a spa although, with the Thanksgiving weekend upon us, I will have to wait a couple of days until things are a little less hectic. It will be really nice to go do something like that, which I believe I have only done previously twice in my life, and to feel less self-conscious than I would have nearly forty-seven pounds ago. Wow! I am so close to that fifty pound mark that I can practically taste it!

Anyhow, the changes in my body and mind during the last two months have left me feeling much more confident, even though I know I still have a long, long way to go. (As of today I have seventy pounds left to lose until I reach goal.) Letting a stranger massage me will definitely be a more comfortable experience than it would have been before I started to lose weight.

My legs are a little stiff from the walk yesterday because I really pushed myself hard to increase my speed. I think I have gone from a twelve minute kilometer to approximately a ten minute one since starting this blog. I doubt I’ll be able to improve much more though; I think it may be physically impossible for me to walk any quicker as I already feel like I am practically flying now. Perhaps, however, if I finally get my behind in gear and start the C25K program I can shave another minute or two off by jogging instead of walking. Stranger things have happened!


Thank you to Jenn at Watch My Butt Shrink! for the idea of creating my own version of an award. I am following her lead on this one as I have come up with a brand new way to acknowledge the successes of fellow bloggers, complete with a shiny new badge! (I do, however, ask for the forgiveness of others as I don't believe I am as talented as prior award creators when it comes to photo shopping said pretty badges.)

Created with weight loss blogs in mind, but not necessarily limited to only them, The Significant Milestone Award has been designed to be handed out to those who have reached a noteworthy marker on a journey of personal betterment. It may be given to a blogger who has recently achieved a meaningful accomplishment such as a ten percent drop in body weight, a twenty-five pound loss, or reaching their final goal. Anyone who has already received this award may pass it on to another blogger when they feel that it is warranted, provided that they take the time to ensure that they are presenting it for a truly exceptional and important feat. The only stipulation that is attached to accepting The Significant Milestone Award is that the recipient must take at least one full minute to really think about what they have achieved and to feel good about themselves.

I have scanned through the last couple of weeks of posts from blogs that I read and have come up with three recipients for the inaugural presentation of this accolade. If you think that I mistakenly missed you and your recent significant milestone I am certain that I did, so please don't hesitate to mention it in the comments! In the meantime I would like to congratulate the following:

1. Jo from 282.5 for recently reaching the fifty pounds lost mark!

2. Joania from Joania's Weight Loss Journey for running her first five kilometer race!

3. Melissa from Melissa's Adventures In Kids, Knitting, And Weight Loss for reaching her final goal weight!

- 9 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with ham, grated cheese, lettuce, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 8 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 mug of vanilla steamed soy milk
- 1 cup of carrots with fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 3/4 cup fat free lemon chiffon yogurt

- 2 hour and 30 minute walk

Friday, October 9, 2009

Projected Projects

I have a couple of different ideas floating around in my head that could make walking this path to weight loss a little more exciting. I think connecting with fellow bloggers who are going, or have gone, through similar struggles - and who all seem to have great suggestions and insights - has really helped me on this journey so far and I will continue to draw on that in the coming days, even if they continue to be as difficult as this last week.

I still have a non-stop brain when it comes to contemplating the changes in lifestyle that I have implemented and the ones that I will continue to evolve in the future. This will serve me well today as I am planning another long trek and am hoping to solidify some stuff in my head while I am out walking. Nothing clears the mind quite like an autumn stroll with a beautiful scenic backdrop.

The Bloom Is Off The Rose

I have to admit that this past week or so I have felt like I am dragging a bit. Not so much on the energy front, but more in regards to how effective I feel like I am being regarding my weight loss.

It’s not that I think I am doing poorly, and I am confident that I will see a loss come weigh-in day. I guess it’s just that the combination of getting used to my healthier routine and the fact that I have not felt very excited about this journey these last few days has left me feeling a little less motivated.

I am still committed. I have no intentions of falling back on bad habits or of giving up. But it would be nice to figure out a way to reconnect with the excitement I had nearly two months ago when I started this blog.

It’s kind of like when a new relationship starts and it is fresh and exhilarating, but after a short while the novelty begins to wear off. You’re still interested in pursuing something long term, yet you know - and are saddened by the fact - that there are fewer firsts to be had. Just like the impossibility of repeating that initial kiss, I will never again experience the thrill of my original successful weigh-in. How can I recapture the romance?

- 8 glasses of water throughout the day
- 3 cups of cobb salad with lettuce, chicken, grape tomatoes, bacon bits, black olives, hard boiled egg, grated cheese, green onion, and fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 1 banana
- 1 toasted whole wheat English muffin with strawberry jam and light peanut butter
- 2 1/2 cups of Caesar salad with Parmesan and croutons
- 2 egg omelet with yellow pepper, mushroom, and pepper
- 1 mug steamed caramel macchiato soy milk
- 2 cups celery with 2 Tb. Mexican cheese spread

- 1 hour of walking completed in 2 outings (35 minutes long and 25 minutes long)
- 45 minute step workout video (without the step)
- 4 sets of 50 stomach crunches
- 20 minutes on the recumbent bike

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Thank you!

I avoided the cheesecake.

After last night's post I actually felt better, more focused, and able to understand my own strengths and shortcomings a little more. Writing about how I was feeling was very cathartic and I think that I will be able to turn to that entry for clarity in the future if I once more find myself teetering on another ledge.

This morning I awoke, more at peace and not quite as ready to pounce on the next chocolate bar that I saw, but was still a bit down. I wasn't quite where I needed to be to face this day without risk. Even though I was hoping to get through this Thursday unscathed, the thought of pizza was still playing close to the surface of my mind.

But then I read all of your comments. Thank you. You are an unbelievably kind and supportive group of individuals and your words have made an enormous difference. Everything that every one of you wrote rang true to some degree for me, and I now know that I am able to face this world - and my problems - without burying my head in a tub of ice cream.

Thank you so much! Your encouragement is richer and more satisfying than any cheesecake!


I am sad. Really sad. It’s the type of sad that means that earlier I woke up from a nap because I was laying on the couch for so long doing nothing but feeling upset and wounded that sleep eventually overcame my depression.

I wouldn’t be writing about this in a health journal, but I think I should explore how these types of emotions make me react to food and exercise. I believe that there is a lot to be said about how my choices have been affected in the past by the feelings I experience.

Not much leads me to the desire to devour an entire bag of cookies or order a large pizza with cheese crammed into every crevice or rush out to the corner store to stock up on a collection of candy and chocolate bars than when I feel neglected by the people that I love. This isn’t a knock against them – they have their own problems to deal with and I can respect that – but my understanding doesn’t change my gut reaction to feeling unimportant.

When I feel this way I want to eat. I want to cram as much sweet, salty, fatty, good tasting food down my gullet as quickly as I can. I would love to just be able to concentrate on the pleasantness that comes with ice cream, pastries, and savoury crackers spread with thick cream cheese. I feel the desire to gorge myself until I can’t eat anymore and then order in greasy egg rolls or go out for a huge portion of fettuccine alfredo. I want to control what I consume rather than be consumed by the negativity.

When I feel this way I don’t want to do anything even remotely active. I do not want to go for a walk, read a book, or play games. Even the trip that would be required to procure crappy foods meant to soothe my distress seems like it would require a monumental effort to complete. All I want to do is curl up in front of the television in an attempt to shut my self depreciating thoughts off; the concept of exercise certainly does not even come into play when I have sunk this low.

When I feel this way I say hateful things to myself. My brain won’t let up, but instead finds deeper, more outlandish reasons to remain upset. I start to doubt my friendships and the importance of the role that I play in the lives of others. I wonder why they demand my availability, but refuse to step up when I am in need. My loneliness consumes me even as my husband puts his arms around me. I think about giving up on this journey of weight loss and health; no one even notices anyhow and I have so much further to go still. It’s all overwhelming. I wonder if people will do more than simply attend my funeral and cry a few necessary tears when my time has finally come to leave this world. Have I had an impact on anyone?

I have long fought my own sensitivities. My fatal flaw has always been that I expect of other people what I am willing to give them, and I am not sure that anyone can really live up to that notion. I know this yet, every once in a while, I make the mistake of having an expectation… and then I live with the consequence of being let down. I continue to make the error of thinking that what I want is simple, so of course I end up disappointed. But, isn’t being important to your loved ones something that should come easy? I don’t know anymore.

I hate feeling this way. Being sad and fighting to stay on track – to not just scrap this whole thing and give up – is extremely difficult. Right now I find the effort needed to stay focused on my final goal is exhausting and waning, and I have a hard time struggling with these complex emotions. I am tired of this puzzle, and I know that cheesecake is blessedly uncomplicated.

- 9 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 nectarine
- 1/2 glass of caramel macchiato soy milk
- 1/4 slice of toasted rye bread with margarine
- 4 large crackers
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli sliced turkey and ham, grated cheese, lettuce, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 mug of vanilla steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a dynamite sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 1/2 cups of cobb salad with lettuce, chicken, grape tomatoes, bacon bits, black olives, hard boiled egg, grated cheese, green onion, and fat free rancher’s choice dressing

- 6 sets of 15 lunges for each leg
- 6 sets of 15 squats
- 6 sets of 10 knee push ups
- 6 sets of 30 stomach crunches (2 straight, 2 right, and 2 left)
- 4 sets of 2 minutes of weight lifting with 5 lbs per arm
- 45 minute walk

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I Always Knew I Was A Little Over The Top

Vraz60 from Just For The Hell-th Of It!! has offered the prestigious Over The Top Award to any of the online journals that she reads, and since I am listed on her blog roll I just couldn’t turn down the opportunity to snag another of these pretty badges for my sidebar. Really, what it comes down to, is that I get a lot of motivation from these accolades and am more than willing to use their power of encouragement to the fullest. So thank you very much, Verleen!

As with nearly all of these wonderful tools of recognition, I am required to follow a few simple instructions. In this case, I need to answer a series of questions with one-word answers and then choose and notify a number of notable blogs to carry this forward. On with it then…

1. Where is your cell phone? Nonexistent
2. Your hair? Simple
3. Your mother? Creative
4. Your father? Intelligent
5. Your favorite food? Crab
6. Your dream last night? Sexy
7. Your favorite drink? Milkshake
8. Your dream/goal? Publication
9. What room are you in? Living
10. Your hobby? Writing
11. Your fear? Death
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Mothering
13. Where were you last night? Walking
14. Something that you aren’t? Selfish
15. Muffins? Banana
16. Wish list item? Vacation
17. Where did you grow up? Canada
18. Last thing you did? Changed
19. What are you wearing? Black
20. Your TV? Newish
21. Your pets? Feline
22. Friends? Blessings
23. Your life? Wonderful
24. Your mood? Introspective
25. Missing someone? Many
26. Vehicle? Loaned
27. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
28. Your favorite store? Chapters
29. Your favorite color? Green
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Thursday
32. Your best friend? Husband
33. One place that I go to over and over? Ocean
34. One person who emails me regularly? Inlaws
35. Favorite place to eat? Keg

The fun, although somewhat stressful, part of these awards is passing them onto other blogs. I am limited to six on this particular occasion, so - even though I still stand firm on the fact that I enjoy all of the online journals that I read - I would like to end this post by recognizing the following few:

Edit: I had to laugh out loud, because Larkspur from Am I Really This Fat? just informed me that she was linking this same award to my page as I was linking it to hers! So, thank you so much, Larkspur, for also presenting me with this great honour!