Monday, May 31, 2010

I Am Human

Honestly, this hasn’t been the best day. I am struggling to get back into the swing of things and I am feeling pretty sad about being away from my family again after having such a great visit with them. I am happy to report that I managed to keep the eating and exercise much more in line today, but it definitely feels like I am entering a fake-it-until-I-make-it phase. I just am not doing great.

I have been trying to sort through the last couple of days so that I can accurately record what led to such a large gain over just a weekend away, but I think I need to give myself a bit longer to really wrap my head around all of it. This is the first time I have strayed drastically from my plan – I know there have been bouts here and there, but they were just hours of difficulty, not days of blatant backsliding – so I am really examining what went on. It’s just hard to put it into words right now.

I have filled in my missing food and exercise lists for the past three days. As pathetic as they are, at least I kept track of everything still. I am nothing, if not honest.

My husband says this is just proof that I am human – that I have spent the last nine months moving forward with a robotic like drive and that this was bound to happen. He reminded me that it is okay to slip up.

He fully believes that I will be back to my normal healthy living right away. I wish I had his confidence. Things feel really hard at this moment. But I guess that’s all I have to get through just now: this moment… and then the next one… and the next…

- 4 glasses of water
- 1 pear
- 2 cups celery with light peanut butter
- 1 large golden delicious apple
- 1 mug coconut steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 smoky hot dog on a sesame hot dog bun with cheese, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and relish
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry yogurt with 1 cup fruit, seed, and nut granola
- 1 caramel rice cake
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk
- 5 whole wheat crackers with cheese

- 1 hour and 15 minutes of rowing a dragon boat


  1. lordy we are ALL HUMAN.
    here's to a NEW!DAY!

  2. Yes, in fact, you are human.

    My WW leader always says "if you broke one dish out of your set of china would you throw the entire set away?" Just because you had one 'bad' (which is a relative word) weekend does NOT mean you throw away the last 9 months. Lots of writing, lots of water, and lots of FORGIVENESS. You can do this girl. I know you can....look at that picture of yourself in your dress. That's the new you! :)

  3. Thanks for the encouraging comment you left for me :) I really needed it. You summed it up right, we are human! We fall, get up brush aside the dirt and move on isn't it?

  4. There is something about reaching the end of a journey -- if we ever actually reach the end, that alters our mindset in ways which are so minute that we are never really cognisant of them ---- until they smack us up side the head with a wet fish.

    White knuckling is good in the situation where you are floundering for a bit...and I guess the answer is to get as willing as you were on day one, and not think -- like we all do, even if its just for that nano-second, that we have this thing cracked. As soon as we let up --- we let up!

    Go back to day one -- read you, feel how it was, remember, and then get willing to do what you did then. Got to do that...tear the word backslide out of your dictionary. What you focus on multiplies, and sure its probably a good idea to 'think it through' - but I am pretty sure that you know what you did - and probably even why you did it...and sitting cogitating on it is probably not half as valuable as focussing on positivity and the fact that you have everything you need to move forward. Write a line under it -- its gone - past - wont or can't get it back. No point dwelling on it - just put one foot in front of the other and start going have all the tools to do it -- just got to pick them up.


  5. You'll get back on track. Listen to your hubs, he's right!

  6. Believe me. Life is not all or nothing.

    Not unless you make it that way.

    Betcha can think of 100 things that you're doing better-especially now-than you were nine months ago. Start with the ten BIG things. Then ten littler things for each of the ten.

  7. I have lost 3 lbs this month. But that is okay.I don't weigh weekly only monthly. We live day to day. You had a rough day weekend or week,, it doesn't mean you aren't capable.
    You can do this.

  8. As the previous poster said, you live one day at at time. You've had such wonderful experiences over the last year and will have many more. Gratz on the dragon boating! Was it hot?

  9. The Hubby is right, he knows you best, just "fake it til you make it" we are all rooting (did I spell that right?) for you!

  10. We are human & you have been at this diligently for months & months! If you can realize how well you have done & don't turn to sabotaging yourself!!

    It took me years to understand that I can have a treat on a couple days a week when I was losing & then the learning maintenance. I don't do full days of all out splurge ever.. that is just me. I prefer to eat healthy a lot & plan for those couple things I really want so I don't get too far off track. This is just me & how I deal with it.

    I am sure you just are having a mental battle with the life long journey of this & that is it.. it is a life long & one & we learn every day!

  11. Loved the post! glad you are getting back on track and yay for being human! Its nice to not be a robot some times :)

  12. Speaking as someone who has lost and gained back large amounts of weight - get back at it. All of it - the in control eating, drinking water and the exercise. Get back in those 140's and fight it every step of the way. It IS worth the fight. You ARE a changed person. We DO LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Welcome to the world of slip sliding! I really struggle all the time. I really envy you folks that can just go gangbusters into the diet and exercise and make fabulous progress. My slips alway have an emotional or spiritual basis. ie my last slip was over situations at work that I had not resolved in my mind. Once I had resolved them I had no problem staying on track. Occasionally the problem is being too busy or tired etc but not often. I am not giving up. You just have to look at my blog to see that. I am going to beat these emotional areas that I cannot come to terms with fast enough so I turn to food. My progress right now is not in the numbers but it is in the areas of what I am coming to terms with every week emotionally or spiritually. I am more happier than I have ever been because the baggage is going first not the weight which I know will come...

  14. This could have happened in the beginning, middle and end of your long effort over the last months. But it just happened now. That is all. You will learn from this and be the wiser and more cautious for it.

    That's what I believe.

  15. You are one of my favorite bloggers because of your honesty. I love the pictures to your right, I look at them all the time as a constant reminder of where you came from , where you got to and what a difference you made. Now your turn to look and see. Its not the weight you gained over the weekend, but what you are going to do about it. Complacency is the enemy, and you are not complacent. You are jumping back on already with what you ate and your exercise today and I know its gonna come back off. Whats not going to happen again: 266. I know its not, so you should believe it too!!

  16. You ALL rock! You are an amazing support system and I owe you all so much!

    Kelli, what a great analogy!

    Blue, you are very wise. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

    Larkspur, the dragon boating practice wasn't too hot; I have a regatta this weekend though so we will see how that is!

    Dawne, you beautiful lady, you just make me smile!

    Elizabeth, it sounds like you are actually in the same place I was a year ago: dealing with the emotions first. It's a great place to be and a surefire way to clear the way of unnecessary issues before tackling the weight!

  17. I don't know why your husband called it a "slip up" sounds so negative. You made some choices (not the best yes, but choices none-the-less).

    When this journey becomes a battle, we do get quite robotic. Everything about our lives are micro-managed. You relaxed a bit. Nothing wrong with that.

    If you continue to make the same choices, then I'd be worried but something tells me you won't do that. Pat yourself on the back to "being normal" for a few days.

    We robots get tired too lol.

  18. You are truely amazing! To us all! You're going to get past this hiccup! I have faith in you! :)

  19. I agree with your husband that you will get right back on track right away - it's easy to have a setback and react by eating more but you can get past it!!