I am having a really rough night. I went to bed yesterday feeling like I hadn’t done too terribly for the day and that, regardless, I was finally ready to get back to the grindstone with my weight loss efforts. I had it in my head that I had earned the break I had been giving myself, but that it was time to return to my healthier ways and recommit. I felt really positive as I drifted off to sleep.
Then I woke up and weighed myself.
I am nearly three pounds heavier than I was on my last weigh-in! (Just now I almost wrote, “the scale said that I am nearly three pounds heavier”, but I realize that is not placing the responsibility where it deserves to be.) I just felt like giving up. For the rest of the day I have been really struggling with some very hard emotions: fear, self-loathing, disappointment, and – did I mention – fear.
All this is compounded by the ridiculous and trivial notion that I have not accomplished what I set out to do. Why? Because my one year anniversary for starting this journey and blog is just a few days away, and I doubt that I will be able to slip back below my original goal weight of 150 pounds by then. Logically, I know how much I have achieved in a relatively short time even with the few pounds I have put back on, but mentally this really bothers me!
I am so frustrated…
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free cherry yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal
- 20 whole wheat crackers with cream cheese and red pepper jelly
- 2 cups garden salad with lettuce, mint, chives, tomato, diced pear, and homemade apple cider vinaigrette
- 10 perogies with sour cream
- 1/2 cup pan-fried Italian sausage
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 10 squats