Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Weighed Down

I am having a really rough night. I went to bed yesterday feeling like I hadn’t done too terribly for the day and that, regardless, I was finally ready to get back to the grindstone with my weight loss efforts. I had it in my head that I had earned the break I had been giving myself, but that it was time to return to my healthier ways and recommit. I felt really positive as I drifted off to sleep.

Then I woke up and weighed myself.

I am nearly three pounds heavier than I was on my last weigh-in! (Just now I almost wrote, “the scale said that I am nearly three pounds heavier”, but I realize that is not placing the responsibility where it deserves to be.) I just felt like giving up. For the rest of the day I have been really struggling with some very hard emotions: fear, self-loathing, disappointment, and – did I mention – fear.

All this is compounded by the ridiculous and trivial notion that I have not accomplished what I set out to do. Why? Because my one year anniversary for starting this journey and blog is just a few days away, and I doubt that I will be able to slip back below my original goal weight of 150 pounds by then. Logically, I know how much I have achieved in a relatively short time even with the few pounds I have put back on, but mentally this really bothers me!

I am so frustrated…

- 8 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, garden lettuce, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free cherry yogurt with 1 cup wheat flake cereal
- 20 whole wheat crackers with cream cheese and red pepper jelly
- 2 cups garden salad with lettuce, mint, chives, tomato, diced pear, and homemade apple cider vinaigrette
- 10 perogies with sour cream
- 1/2 cup pan-fried Italian sausage
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend

- 10 squats


    caps lock off...lol.
    you have accomplished what you needed to and will continue to maintain. You are doing great, you are aware and are working on it.

  2. Don't freak out and go back to unhealthy ways. You have done too much for that to happen. Instead, look back at what you were doing to lose the weight and how it made you feel. Go back to doing what made you feel the best. Hang in there.

  3. You are an inspiriation to all of us. You are amazing. Take a deep breath and realize you can do it! We all believe in you.

  4. Check my page, try my menu, it might help. Good luck.

  5. Try to keep in mind that you just went away to a wedding and enjoyed yourself and that yes, you gained a few pounds... anyone would in that type of situation.... but that you're home now & ware of what you need to do to get back on track. Don't be too hard on yourself for being human (easier said that done, I know, because I do the same thing to myself) and focus on how far you have come in such a shrt time. You have done an amazing job and this is just a small bump in the road. Hang in there! :-)

  6. Love your blog!


  7. Love reading your blog! It is so inspiring to read along and see how much you have accomplished. You are doing so great!

    Cara :)

  8. Think about where you WOULD be if you hadn't worked so hard at this! It's a marathon, not a sprint. Hang in there!

  9. Don't let the numbers on the scale mess with your head. You've made such amazing progress and maybe you won't be EXACTLY where you thought you'd be in a year but you're in a much better place now. Maybe it's time to hide the scale for a while and just do what you need to do. Hang in there.

  10. Maybe if you did more than 10 squats you could really get control of this. You have done an amazing job so far. I would bet if you walked a couple of miles each day it would help you "feel" better emotionally and would also help you manage the weight better. You do realize that your body does not burn as many calories as it did when you were heavier? Do you know what your RMR is? Maybe that would give you a good idea of the amount of calories you need to continue to lose or maintain. How about a BodyBugg?

    Please don't stop now. I really enjoy reading your blog. You are an inspiration to all of us "big" girls wishing to be your size. Look at all you have accomplished. Wow!

    You can do it!!!!!!

  11. New follower! Come follow back at mrstashalynn.blogspot.com

  12. Check out your pictures - look at the first one. Look at where you are today. You have done an AMAZING JOB!!! You are my inspiration!! You're getting this done. You are almost there!! So close!!! Don't let that stupid scale tell you anything!! Use your eyes. See what you've done!! You have transformed yourself!! Congratulations!!

  13. First thing I thought was similar to the first comment - you aren't 266 anymore. In fact, if you get to just 154 you will be saying, "I lost 100 pounds this year."

    You've accomplished a lot and are now learning so much about yourself and how this new lifestyle will fit with you forever. It's hard, but you can do it. Your success over the past year shows you are capable.

    Coming from someone who struggles to lose slowly, I know this is much easier said than done. See the gains/maintains for what they are, and see what you need to do to change it, but don't beat yourself up too badly. You have accomplished much this past year and have a lot to be proud of.

  14. From time to time it does get hard, but you've done great and are still doing great. You'll get through this in no time - you just need to get back on track a little. Good luck, I'm with you.

  15. Girl...
    You have inspired all of us. A year! Amazing progress. Maybe YOU should go back and read your first several entries to remind yourself how far you've come. Don't let this get you down. You are a normal weight person with normal ups and downs now. Don't get too emotional over it. Hang in there.

  16. You have come so far!! I KNOW that is is disheartening to see the scale move the other way. But, dog gone it, you have achieved so much already. One year anniversary is really something. I am on day 47, and I hope I am still at it on Day 363 (or whatever it might be for you). I LOVE your pictures. Keep looking at those pictures to remind you of the long journey you have SUCCESSFULLY accomplished. Congratulations (Really!) to you. Stay with it.

  17. Thanks, everybody!

    Heather, I especially needed to hear your comment.

    Fitby42, you are so right! I have been way to lax on the exercise lately!

    I'm not giving up!!!