Fine. I said in my earlier post that I am not the type of person who can easily feign enthusiasm for something and just keep on going through the motions. But you all seem to believe in me so, damn it, I will fake my way through this slump until I can feel the authenticity of my resolve once again!
I won’t lie. I am still feeling pretty uninspired about where I am in this pilgrimage to better health. However, the outpouring of support that you have all shown has encouraged me and reminded me that they are not all easy days, easy weeks, or even easy months. Sometimes this is hard. Really hard. But aren’t the things in life that we greatly desire often the ones we have to fight the most arduously to earn?
Tonight I printed four ‘before’ photographs onto a piece of paper to remind me of where I was. I did the same with three ‘in progress’ pictures to help me see what I have worked so hard to achieve thus far. Both of these collages are now hanging on my fridge.
My husband and I started the C25K program this evening as well. If I’m going to be falsifying my way through the next few days or weeks, until I feel like I am fully back on the wagon, I figure it makes the most sense to have an actual goal to keep me focused. I was thinking about undertaking this as a project really soon anyhow, so starting it tonight made a lot of sense given that I believe it will help me to remember where I want to go. Incorporating regular running into my plan will get me to a better place in terms of endurance, but it will also assist me in improving my mental self-image and my faith in my own abilities.
So, that’s where I’m at for the time being. Tomorrow may find me in a different head space – maybe for the better; perhaps leaving me even worse off than today – but I know where I am at this precise moment. For right now – for just this tiny flash of what we call the present – I promise that I am doing the very best that I can.
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water
- 1 pear
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli turkey breast, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 bites of macaroni and cheese
- 1 large banana
- 1 strawberry flavoured bran bar
- 3 cups spinach salad with grated cheese, croutons, dried cranberries, red pepper, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing
- 1 hour Belly Dancing For Fitness class
- 30 minutes of the C25K program (Day 1 of Week 1)