Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fake It Till You Make It

Fine. I said in my earlier post that I am not the type of person who can easily feign enthusiasm for something and just keep on going through the motions. But you all seem to believe in me so, damn it, I will fake my way through this slump until I can feel the authenticity of my resolve once again!

I won’t lie. I am still feeling pretty uninspired about where I am in this pilgrimage to better health. However, the outpouring of support that you have all shown has encouraged me and reminded me that they are not all easy days, easy weeks, or even easy months. Sometimes this is hard. Really hard. But aren’t the things in life that we greatly desire often the ones we have to fight the most arduously to earn?

Tonight I printed four ‘before’ photographs onto a piece of paper to remind me of where I was. I did the same with three ‘in progress’ pictures to help me see what I have worked so hard to achieve thus far. Both of these collages are now hanging on my fridge.

My husband and I started the C25K program this evening as well. If I’m going to be falsifying my way through the next few days or weeks, until I feel like I am fully back on the wagon, I figure it makes the most sense to have an actual goal to keep me focused. I was thinking about undertaking this as a project really soon anyhow, so starting it tonight made a lot of sense given that I believe it will help me to remember where I want to go. Incorporating regular running into my plan will get me to a better place in terms of endurance, but it will also assist me in improving my mental self-image and my faith in my own abilities.

So, that’s where I’m at for the time being. Tomorrow may find me in a different head space – maybe for the better; perhaps leaving me even worse off than today – but I know where I am at this precise moment. For right now – for just this tiny flash of what we call the present – I promise that I am doing the very best that I can.

- 9 glasses of water
- 1 pear
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli turkey breast, grated cheese, spinach, dried cranberries, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 2 bites of macaroni and cheese
- 1 large banana
- 1 strawberry flavoured bran bar
- 3 cups spinach salad with grated cheese, croutons, dried cranberries, red pepper, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing

- 1 hour Belly Dancing For Fitness class
- 30 minutes of the C25K program (Day 1 of Week 1)


  1. You just achieved two major goals - the red dress and finishing the 30-Day Shrew (oops, I mean, Shred). I wonder if that has something to do with what you are feeling. It is good to read that you have your next fitness goal (C25K), do you have a clothing goal or some other reward you are working towards?

    You may also want to take a look at your sleeping patterns. It is unbelievable how much sleep (or a lack thereof) can mess with our heads and our bodies.

  2. I'm sorry I missed your post yesterday.
    Here's my opinion - take it for what you want:
    I think you're body is trying to tell you something. Perhaps it's telling you to chill a bit. Maybe just focus on your eating, and let the exercise go for a few days, or vice-versa.
    Trying to "fake it" might burn you out all-together.
    Why not take this as a cue to get some rest? Take a couple of days to regroup - not too long, but long enough to feel refreshed, you know?
    You've lost a LOT of weight in a short amount of time. I think eventually your mind and body calls for a time-out when something like that happens.

  3. I agree with Jenn. Maybe you should just watch what you eat and take a break from working out.

    Have you considered the idea that there's something else in your life that might have you in a funk. If this is the case, I'd say keep working out because it might just help....or switch up the kind of activity that you do.

    You can do it! You only have a little way left to go. Look how far you've come already!

  4. Losing weight is like a vigil and vigils are tiring. Shoot, I get tired just driving to the gym and changing into workout attire.

    You've lost 94 pounds? Kudos and take a break or readjust; you've earned it.

  5. Thanks for the link to C2K. Sounds interesting. And keep up the good work, girl!

  6. You absolutely are allowed "meh" days. I hope people like me don't put any undue pressure on you. Your journey has so inspired me -- maybe its time for you to sit back and enjoy where you are. Just being able to head to the stores and shop "normal" sizes would be cool for me - don't have to buy just try things on and revel in your new body.

    Let your mind catch up with your body - you rocked this out HUGE!!!

  7. I admire your perseverance, but I too am concerned that you might burn yourself out. If you think it will work out well for you, by all means go for it, though! I just know that I had an epiphany that I needed to take a break from forcing myself to exercise for a bit (I decided a week), so now I'm obnoxiously thinking that's the solution for everyone. ;o)

  8. I think fake it till you make it is really the only thing you can do in this situation. You're setting goals (I think running C25K with your hubby will help a lot), you're putting up motivational images, and you're aware of what's going on.

    All things considered, you're staying on the right track. You'll find your fire again soon enough.

    Stay strong!

  9. 266, I wrote a lot in your earlier post but the other thing I want to say is how are your hormones. I read that book a while back that I gave away on my blog & women of all ages can have hormone issues that cause things. I am not saying it is that but just something else to think about.


  10. In light of what the others have commented on, I agree. You've been working really hard, and it's o.k. to just set on the cruise control for a while and let your body get a bit of a break. And I would highly recommend looking into the hormones idea. I have been a complete mess due to hormones for months now. Just starting to get back to feeling "normal" after a couple of months on really focusing on the vitamin D. SO, it's definitely worth looking into!

  11. Hmmm... this post definitely has a different majority opinion than the last one on how I should handle this situation. Thank you all so much for giving me even more to mull over; that's why I love blogging... it is an excellent avenue to a variety of ideas.

    As far as the hormones go I will try to remember to ask my doctor about that when I finally set up an appointment to see her. I really need to get on that!

  12. It's so hard for me to give advice, because everyone is so different, mentally and physically. I would hate to tell you something, you follow the advice, and it turn out to be the totally WRONG thing for you! lol

    Boy, that would suck.

    I'll just tell you what I know about myself. Little breaks are fine, especially if you've been working really hard. I slowed things down after I lost 39 lbs in 4 months...HOWEVER, that ended up turning into 3 months of bad, bad, bad for me. So...I will no longer allow myself that kind of a break again (I mean on purpose...doesn't mean I won't screw up). My idea of a break now is a day or two, lol. Not much of one, I know. On the other hand, I love the idea of the C25K for one single reason....your hubby is doing it with you. It's always SO much easier to push on when you have someone right in there grinding it out with you, like Billie being my gym partner. I wouldn't push myself nearly as hard on the days we don't have the trainer if she weren't there, and I know that about myself. So I say do the C25K since you have a partner to help keep you motivated when you're really not feelin' it on your own right now. :)

  13. Thanks, Tammy! Having my hubby participate is a big deal as he doesn't have a lot of love for the exercise in general. I think this program may be the thing that helps me keep my head in the game even if I do take a day or two break here or there.