I stepped on the scale this morning and I really didn’t like what I saw staring back up at me. So I got off and stepped back up on it again. And again. Then I went about my normal morning routine in the hopes that I would somehow burn enough calories to make a difference before I ate something and had no choice but to record whatever number I saw. So, then I made my way back to the scale and tried again and again and again. I’m not joking here. I must have stepped up onto that little platform a couple of dozen times in some sad attempt to alter reality.
‘If I see a lower number just once then I can legitimately record it on my blog,’ I thought as I stepped off the scale feeling dismayed. I started to reach out and rest the tips of my fingers on the towel rack, effectively taking a couple of pounds off the reading. ‘I can be creative with my wording,’ my mind worked, ‘and just put that I saw “X” number on the scale because that’s the truth!’
I am so very serious. This really did just happen.
So…
I weighed in at 152.4. I saw a pretty wide range of numbers – some legitimate variations and some altered by playing with the scale – but that weight is the highest one I had this morning. I am up 5.4 pounds.
It hurts. On a lot of different levels this weigh-in is a painful one, but it is not nearly as bad as it would have been if I had made the decision to skew the truth for this journal. Who would that be helping? And I guess I figured that as long as I am continuing to let it all hang out on this blog that I may as well also record the sad scene that took place in my washroom. My honesty will certainly serve me better than trying to lie to myself, and maybe it can even be an example of true accountability to someone else.
Despite all of this I am still feeling remarkably positive! I am surprised and pleased that I am not letting this devastate me in any way. I am not happy about it, but I am the one who is in control of how I rectify the situation, just like I am the one who is in control of my honesty. And similarly to how I just delivered on the latter, regardless of the pitfalls I was in danger of succumbing to, I will likewise stand firm on remedying this setback.
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The scale was up...and that happens. Yet....you are still more than 100lbs lower than your highest weight of 266. It is still 100lbs lower than your starting weight of 254.6lbs.
ReplyDeleteYou have been accountable to this gain...and I am sure if you keep yourself accountable to it all week that next week the numbers will be back down...maybe not 5.4 lbs, but down none the less.
The positive takeaway from this is that if you weren't blogging and being held accountable, chances are you'd follow that bad week with a few more bad weeks and then the wheels would really have come off the wagon.
ReplyDeleteI had a sh*tty week myself, but I'm picking myself up off the dirt and getting back after it.
We got this...
I'm in a bad slide and knowing that even my heros slide a little too, well, as awful as it sounds, it does help. You can come back from this temporary set back. And you will. You're still my hero. And I'm still so completely impressed by you.
ReplyDeleteposting it publically was my first step - and you're doing the same, the validation that someone I look up to sees that as a positive mood really helps, thank you
Yes to what everyone else said.
ReplyDeleteInstead of thinking you're a failure for not getting to your lower goal weight, why not set 145 as your goal for now and work to maintain that? Maintenance is hard, but so worth it.
Also, if you enjoyed jogging/running, it's one of the best ways to keep your appetite & weight in check. (Although that doesn't hold true if you're training for long distances.) 20-30 minutes of running every other day, with some fast intervals in the middle, can work wonders!
A cheers to all that you wrote and the wonderful comments. It is 100% how I feel about my blog writing. The truth hurts but I NEED to admit it to myself and my blog provides the IT.
ReplyDeleteLooking a your losses. You never had a gain until now. That is 10 months of steady weight loss. That is amazing. Maybe your body is trying to catch right now. You know the whole "plateau" thing, etc.
You are amazing.
I know that game! Scale trampolining!
ReplyDeleteGains are part of the journey. You had an incredibly consistent journey down to your original goal. You will only be stronger for having to have some difficultly in the journey. I know you won't give up.
As a friendly observation, I have noticed more sugary food choices on your daily menu. It seems like you've added ice cream, lemon creme cookies etc. more regularly than you ever have in the past. Maybe that can be a weekly treat, instead of daily.
I know, it was easy for me to start adding it daily when I reached goal last time on this journey. Those "treats" add up, become a normal part of our diet and are no longer treats.
Hey, I am 154. Let's make this week a good one...what do you say. Down we go.
ReplyDeletelet's do it.
I'll tell you all something... your comments bring genuine joy to my heart! Each of you said something different that I needed to hear today. Thank you so, SO much!!!
ReplyDelete