I stepped on the scale this morning and I really didn’t like what I saw staring back up at me. So I got off and stepped back up on it again. And again. Then I went about my normal morning routine in the hopes that I would somehow burn enough calories to make a difference before I ate something and had no choice but to record whatever number I saw. So, then I made my way back to the scale and tried again and again and again. I’m not joking here. I must have stepped up onto that little platform a couple of dozen times in some sad attempt to alter reality.
‘If I see a lower number just once then I can legitimately record it on my blog,’ I thought as I stepped off the scale feeling dismayed. I started to reach out and rest the tips of my fingers on the towel rack, effectively taking a couple of pounds off the reading. ‘I can be creative with my wording,’ my mind worked, ‘and just put that I saw “X” number on the scale because that’s the truth!’
I am so very serious. This really did just happen.
I weighed in at 152.4. I saw a pretty wide range of numbers – some legitimate variations and some altered by playing with the scale – but that weight is the highest one I had this morning. I am up 5.4 pounds.
It hurts. On a lot of different levels this weigh-in is a painful one, but it is not nearly as bad as it would have been if I had made the decision to skew the truth for this journal. Who would that be helping? And I guess I figured that as long as I am continuing to let it all hang out on this blog that I may as well also record the sad scene that took place in my washroom. My honesty will certainly serve me better than trying to lie to myself, and maybe it can even be an example of true accountability to someone else.
Despite all of this I am still feeling remarkably positive! I am surprised and pleased that I am not letting this devastate me in any way. I am not happy about it, but I am the one who is in control of how I rectify the situation, just like I am the one who is in control of my honesty. And similarly to how I just delivered on the latter, regardless of the pitfalls I was in danger of succumbing to, I will likewise stand firm on remedying this setback.