It was a bad food night. I am feeling overwhelmed with quite a few things and the desire for junk proved too much. I had so much ice cream that my stomach hurts.
I talked to my husband tonight about how I am just not very thrilled with me right now. I am working hard at so many different things – and not so hard at others – but regardless of what efforts I am putting forward I am left feeling like I am not moving in the direction that I want quickly enough. I am frustrated.
So I ate.
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 2 caramel chocolate chip rice cakes
- 2 grilled cheese sandwiches on white bread with light mayonnaise and margarine
- 3/4 cup fat free cherry yogurt with 1 cup cocoa Rice Krispies cereal
- 1 homemade lavender shortbread cookie
- 1 cup tiny cheesy crackers and raisins
- 3/4 cup steamed broccoli and cauliflower with margarine
- 2 breaded pork chops
- 3 cups macaroni and cheese with pepper
- 2 sunflower seeds
- 1/4 cup blackberry candy corn
- 2 cups peanut butter and butter toffee ice cream blend
- 1 ice cream sandwich
EXERCISE:
- 10 squats
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I know if I'd had a heavy carb dinner like 3 cups mac n cheese, it would provoke cravings, that doesn't mean I wouldn't let myself have it, it just means that the sugar/sweet cravings that would follow would inevitably have to be tolerated as a consequence.
ReplyDeleteLook, lots of people here are saying that you are doing great, that you are too hard on yourself and I am not here to condemn you in any way, I have not accomplished what you have accomplished but this is a slippery slope that you are on, I've been where you are now and I chose to walk away from the good that I'd gathered in my life. This moment can be the turning point, gather yourself up and tap into that resolve and energy that you previously had.
You can do this, you *have* done this. Don't scatter your energies too widely for this effort is deserving of your time and attention. Keep going, keep fighting, push yourself just like you do with your rowing, probably beyond what you think you are capable of and you will soar.
I'm sorry you're struggling right now girl. I've been following you from the beginning, we've emailed back and forth, and you KNOW how much I care. I want to see you reign this back in....you're just too important. If I can do anything to help, even just talk, you know where I am. Always here for you. :)
ReplyDeleteHoney, maybe you could entertain this thought for a few minutes each day: let go of believing you are *in control* and let go of believing that you must *be in control* of your thoughts and feelings. It is obvious that you are not in control of your food consumption, or your feelings.
ReplyDeleteSpoken with Love: Welcome to the human condition.
Being powerful does not require being in control. Actually, power may be blocked from flowing through you when you cling to the illusion of control. It's like pulling on one side of a rubber band. The other side increases its resistance. What resists persists. Let go.
Then, listen. Listen to the quiet unspoken message that will flow into your heart. It won't come in words. Yet you will feel its power. You will know what to do.
Sorry you are having a tough time.
ReplyDelete