Thursday, October 7, 2010


I am very tired of all this right now. I haven’t had a bad day per se. I am just not really jiving with the online journaling. I am sure it’s because I am having a hard time with this journey. I feel like I have been floundering for too long.

Tonight my husband asked me what was wrong; he said I seemed uncomfortable. I started to cry and told him that all I wanted was to eat. It was just a moment… and one that I kind of won, if I decide to look on the bright side, because I didn’t walk out the door with my admission to go out and buy all the sugary treats that I had been wanting right then. And I don’t feel like that all of the time (not even a lot of the time). But, sometimes, those thoughts drift in and are hard to get rid of.

I’m rambling and I know it. Like I said, I am tired. I won’t be giving this up; it’s too good for me even if I am too dispassionate to truly realize that or to completely commit to it right now. I will keep at it. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

- 6 glasses of water
- 1 cup strawberries
- 4 chocolate wafer sticks
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 banana
- 1 nectarine
- 1 mug pumpkin spice steamed soy milk
- 1 slice white chocolate mousse cake with whipped cream and coconut
- 1 2/3 waffles with margarine and maple syrup
- 2 slices garlic bread with Parmesan
- 1 cup cinnamon Mini Wheats cereal
- 15 whole wheat crackers with garlic and herb soft cheese

- 20 minute walk
- 40 minutes of rowing a dragon boat


  1. Jen hunni, you are human, not Wonder Woman, be kind to yourself. You have done wonderously over the past year. You are an inspiration to many, but we also know how difficult it is to maintain after such an amazing loss. I hope you find your balance soon, without pressure:)



  2. LOVE She's comments. Fantastic advice! Also wanted to say, sometimes we should listen to our bodies, perhaps you do need to eat more. I know after 11 days straight of tracking my calories, I'm ending up about 100-200 under what I should be at, but I feel like I'm eating too much... it's a good thing I'm tracking is what I'm saying. Otherwise, I could be feeling guilty about over-eating when really I need to be eating just a bit more. Our bodies are very very tricky. There's so many factors to consider... PMS, muscle gain, energy expenditure... But I know you know what you're doing by now.

    In short - Take it easy on yourself. You are doing fantastic. Maybe not today, but overall, long-term, where it counts, you're doing fantastic.

  3. Eat a little more without guilt. Are there non sugary "treats" you like? Laughing cow cheese with whole grain pretzel sticks? Hummus and veggies? Nuts and seeds? I think maybe the sugar is helping to make you crabby and craving.

  4. I agree with what Cathy said above. Sugar can be very addictive and eating it can cause you to crave more causing a bad snowball effect. Try more non-sugary treats. I see you eat a lot of fruit, which is healthy and low calorie- but it's also high in sugar which burns off quickly leaving you hungry if you don't have something else backing it up. Maybe try eating a bit of protein with your fruit at snacktime. Like some peanut butter on an apple or grapes and low-fat cheese. Try a sugar free cheesecake when you want to indulge. More protein, less sugar will help to keep the munchies away some.

  5. OH sweet 266 - it's quite a journey isn't it?

    My experience with temptation to eat and not being able to control is very much wrapped up in what I eat. Why don't you take the plunge, and challenge yourself to a month of no sugar nor white flour? One month of eating clean? Take Tosca Reno's Eat Clean book out of the library, or better yet, send me a mailing address and I'll send you a copy.

    Bulking your diet up with lean protein, complex carbs, veggies and healthy fats takes away that all consuming need to eat. I have experienced a physical change and a mental change in ridding my diet of white flour, sugar and processed foods. One day recently, I didn't eat a proper amount of lean protein/complex carbs and it was like a monster leashed within me - forcing me to eat.

    A month's just a month. Let me know what you think.

    Always your fan,

  6. I'm with Dawne. If you're interested in doing the challenge of eating clean for one month, I'll do it right along with you. In fact, I'll go out and buy Tosca's book this weekend if you want to get started. You have my email...let me know today if you want to do this together. We both need to get our groove on...and everything is more fun when you have someone to do it with. Interested? :)

  7. When I eat sugar, I want more sugar-very cyclical and very hard to resist! I think perhaps you are being extremely tough on yourself and that is leading to more guilt, which (if you are anything like me) makes you want to (food) comfort yourself-again a vicious cycle! Don't be so down, you are doing wonderfully well and even just being mindful of what you are putting in your mouth is a big accomplishment--I've gone YEARS without once thinking about calories, portion control, or smart choices-you've spent the entire last year focussing on're doing great and going forward, you can do it, you can do it....!

  8. Not sleeping enough makes hunger hormones increase, causes the body to burn muscle instead of fat, and increases insulin resistance. High-carb foods increase hunger and sugar cravings, too.

    But even apart from all that, your body will *make sure* you're hungry if you're not giving it what it needs to repair itself, in terms of nutrients. That's one of the reasons that high-carb, empty-calorie foods just aren't satisfying, and we always crave more. If you eat more veggies and lean protein and good fats--like nuts, avocado, and so on--you really will see your hunger decline. Then you will have no problem making the dessert-y type foods a smaller part of your day. I swear this really works (coming from someone who could eat half a box of Mallomars or 4 donuts at a sitting!)

    Kathy W.

  9. I can so relate to this post. For me, the problem, it took me a very long time to realize, was (is) depression. I'm not saying that's what it is for you, just throwing my perspective in. I stopped doing well because everything was too overwhelming. And then I'd beat myself up about it and make it worse. So now I'm trying to take it easier for a little bit.

    And now I want nuts and avocados because of the comment above mine. :p

  10. May I suggest a book? "Intuitive Eating". Your library probably has it. Reading that book was such a light bulb moment for me. It is what helped me break my addiction to sugar. And yes, honey, you are addicted to sugar and white flour.
    You want to EAT, because your body is calling out for nutrients. Calories In/Calories Out will only work if you give your body the right vitamins and minerals and nutrients that it needs to function properly.
    You simply cannot eat sweets and processed foods all day and expect your body to perform at its best.
    You spent a year taking off so much weight and you deserve to be applauded for that. What you've done is AMAZING ~ but it's sometimes a very hard lesson to learn that "weightloss" is not automatically the same as "being healthy". You've taken off the weight, now it's time to get healthy and give your body what it needs/wants. :) You can do this, I know you can!!

  11. Read everything you can find about low glycemic foods. I promise if you change your choices you will be free of craving sugary and sweet treats. You are accidentally and innocently triggering blood sugar swings which are making you hungry for sweets and also cause mood swings and tiredness. You can have treats; you have to plan for them. You are so amazing; don't give up or get discouraged.