I had a wonderful time out with the hubby this evening celebrating Halloween! It was so nice to get away with for a little while with no obligations to rush off to or errands to run. I have been so busy lately and I am really glad that I have such an incredible man in my life to help me stay connected to the things that are really important. Maintaining good mental and emotional health is just as important as the physical aspects that I am always working on!
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 4 glasses of water
- 2 slices toast on white bread with light peanut butter and light strawberry jam
- 1 piece homemade chocolate zucchini cake
- 6 chocolate peanut butter cups
- 1 breaded fish burger on a white hamburger bun with cheese, lettuce, and tartar sauce
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 1 cup salt and vinegar potato chips
- 2 cups pasta with meat sauce and grated cheese
- 2 slices garlic bread
- 1/2 cup chocolate peanut butter candies
- 1 mug apple cider
- 1/2 cup candy corn
- 1 lemon cupcake topped with lemon icing and a lemon gummy candy
- 1 vanilla cupcake topped with cream cheese coconut icing and coconut
- 1/2 cup roasted and salted pumpkin seeds
EXERCISE:
- 45 minutes of rowing a dragon boat in 2 outings (25 minutes long and 20 minutes long)
- 50 minute walk
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Many days, for several months now, your eating pattern has resembled binge eating, as in binge eating disorder (BED). The progession over the last few months has concerned me. Perhaps in the interest of maintaining good mental and emotional health you should seek counseling and find out if your diagnosis is Binge Eating Disorder, for which there is effective treatment and support. Blogging may not be helpful enough for you at this time.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, if the weight gain and your return to being overweight (your BMI is certainly no longer "healthy", unless you have begun purging) is not causing problems or undue distress for you, then live your life as you please. It is YOUR life.
I hope you aren't purging now to manage your weight. I follow many blogs of young women who maintain normal weight by purging, and their lives are filled with bouts of depression and uncontrolled purging. Please get help before it comes to that.
Since other folks seem to be calling you on your stuff, I'm going to as well. I suspect you've never appreciated my comments, because the 2 times I did comment while you were losing so rapidly without even a week of plateauing (very unusual in a premenopausal woman) and reporting your food and weight loss so comprehensively, I expressed concern that you weren't eating enough. You assured me you were and estimated a calorie count that didn't add up according to what you wrote. (Oh well - wasn't my business, and still isn't, btw.) I also noticed you did respond to people when they expressed opinions or concerns. Now, even that has changed.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I bring it up is because even that pattern of responding to people has changed. I give you a ton of credit for listing your food honestly, especially when it's so off from what you did before. That takes courage. But the lack of addressing people's concerns in the context of your postings (not individually, but in general since so many people are saying the same things) is another part of the whole pattern of disordered eating. Suddenly not weighing on Saturdays, or at least reporting it, yet when people comment you are not acknowledging it in any way.
In AA they say you can't bullshit a bullshitter. That's why your current status is so obvious to so many of us. I've done this very thing that is going on with you a number of times. It's a struggle, and it's not just about liking food and being under stress. Lots of people love food, lead more stressful lives than I do and don't go up and down the scale by 30-50 pounds or more. This pattern I have tells me that I have disordered eating behavior. I can't say what you have or what's going on, but I can observe and identify and just want to offer support, compassion, but also stress the importance of getting honest with yourself.
Going to bed at a decent time and tossing out a phrase about "my eating was off today" isn't going to fix this. You've been a beacon of success, motivation and inspiration to so many. My fear for myself is I don't want to become an object lesson for "don't let this happen to you". It's painful to watch someone struggle, especially when I've experienced the same thing. I wish you well and won't take up comment space. But I will keep reading and praying for you to find so sanity with food, eating and weight.
Well said Leslie... I agree...
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I know all too well how to lose and regain 100 lbs....
We just hate to see you doing this but you are the only one that can stop your crazy eating... I think going cold turkey without SUGAR for starters would get you back on track... but for now I don't want to watch you do this to yourself anymore... I do wish you all the best tho...
I hear compassion and concern in Leslie's comment, not moral judgement or criticism of you as a person.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you are powerless over what kinds of food you eat, and how much. I'm perfectly serious.
If you are indeed powerless, that truth may be great news. That would mean you need never feel guilty or responsible or angry about your eating behavior. It would mean that you cannot DO better at this time, at least not without a source of power "greater than" yourself. You can relax. You are whole and exist exactly the way you must at this point in time.
Peace and love to you.
266 ... look at your weigh ins. We you 142 for a day? You have put on 20, 30 or maybe more by now. Please stop yourself any way you can. You are heading right back to 266 quickly. You were a motivator at one time. Your blog now is nothing but a food/sugar addict's diary. You don't talk about anything. It's always about you haven't eaten well or how busy you are. The whole world is busy!!! Get yourself back to those same day in, day out meal plans that worked for you!
ReplyDeleteThese people care for you.
ReplyDeleteAddress these concerns.
http://266-twosixtysix.blogspot.com/2010/08/anniversary-presentation.html
ReplyDeleteTake a look at that...get it together.
Some of these people who comment may feel concern for their image of you, the image they hold in their minds. Many are probably recalling their own trips back up the scale, a process that feels like sliding into hell, while trying to make the most of it, and trying to believe that it isn't really happening. Others are trying to motivate you because they do not want to believe that this regain phenomenon that most people endure is a process that, once started, is beyond the person's conscious control. They don't want to believe that maintaining could be that tenuous, they want to think that you can change if you just did what you did before, or just mustered up the will power to return to sane eating. It is not that simplistic. If it was, most people would find a way to stay the course or turn around the horrifying regain process. Short of becoming bulimic, the vast majority do not turn it around the first time they lose weight. You may have to regain all the weight and then some, then start over at a later time. I can't explain this process. I only know that it is real.
ReplyDeleteBless you. I believe you are doing your best right now. Love yourself. You are more than a number, whether that number is 266 or 145 or anything in between...or 310. You are a human being. Remember that.
I sure don't want you to feel as though we are beating up on you. If you are anything at all like me, you are feeling either rebellious, and want to show you can eat anything you want, or out of control. You could also be feeling anxious, depressed or have some major stressor right now. I don't know, because you haven't told us.
ReplyDeleteI am impressed you have been listing your food choices, good and bad, even with all of the comments. I think you do want to be held accountable. If you want to get back into the habit of eating healthily, please do not beat yourself up for things eaten in the past. Instead, make it through ONE DAY without sugar other than fruit. ONE DAY. Just to show yourself you can.
I type these words with kindness in my heart, and hope for both your future and mine. Be well.
Good grief girl...are you there...are you reading these posts...STOP! STOP! STOP! Look at your video again and again and again and get motivated!!!!!:)
ReplyDelete