Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hiding In Plain View

I was in a training session yesterday that touched on the importance of nutrition and on creating generally healthy bodies. There was a woman in the workshop that was fairly comparable in size to me at my highest weight and my eyes went right to her.

She didn’t notice that I was looking right away, but as I watched I could see the emotions playing on her face. She had the same expressions that I am sure I always did whenever anyone brought up such topics. For me, it was always this odd mixture of somehow feeling like everyone was watching me and talking about my specific habits (which I knew, on a logical level, was completely absurd) and trying to melt into the surroundings. I just wanted to avoid having to contribute to the conversation as I was confident that the other people would be internally scoffing at the idea of someone my size offering ideas on a topic which, by all outward appearances, I knew very little about.

So, there I was gazing at this woman and thinking my thoughts while still listening to the discussion when she looked over at me. I smiled right away in an attempt to express my firsthand empathy, but then I realized… I’m no longer her size. All she probably saw was a fairly typically sized woman staring. I really hope she saw the genuineness of my smile because I absolutely hate the idea of her feeling like I was judging her in the same way I always thought others might be doing to me in moments like that.

It’s like I have a disguise now. My past experiences are completely invisible to most people, and sometimes that isn’t necessarily a good thing…

- 8 glasses of water
- 2 1/3 cups grapes
- 1 croissant
- 1 lemon poppy seed muffin with butter
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 1 gala apple
- 2 mugs tea with milk
- 2 almond yogurt granola bars
- 1 glass root beer
- 1 cup French fries with salt and honey mustard sauce
- 2 cheeseburgers on a hamburger bun with onions, mustard, and ketchup
- 2 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 5 bites chocolate candy pieces ice cream blend

- 55 minutes of walking completed in 2 outings (30 minutes long and 25 minutes long)


  1. I have always wondered what I would be like, feel like, act like skinny. I would like to think I would be like you.

  2. Your post is fabulous. You have a lot of good insight. I'm working on focusing more inwardly on my weight loss struggle. You are a great inspiration.

  3. This is the second post on this subject I've seen in two days and I think it's great! There's a certain responsibility that comes with having gone through the weight loss process. I think it's important for us to help others along. Nice job!

  4. I had a similar experience at the swimming pool yesterday, a larger woman assumed I have always been in shape...said something to the effect that it was easy for me... I did reply that after the first 100 pounds came off it did become much easier.

  5. yeah, I forget too. I see bigger people and I feel like I am in a disuise sometimes. People see what they see. I had a woman tell me after I told her I lost over 100 lbs. She said "oh, I would never have look like you have always been small." It used to embarrass me to hand my ID card to the gate gaurd...but now I just wait for them to turn it over, pause and then hand it back. I am proud of it.

  6. We ALL have the same problem in one form or another. I used to be a single, struggling mother of two, poor, over-tired, and also a "bad girl". Now I'm a Christian house-wife and stay-at-home mum! When I'm talking to others, I feel like they just don't understand where I'm coming from. That is exactly why we cannot judge anyone for anything (although we always will, it's human nature - it's our duty to understand and act in the knowledge that those judgmental thoughts are always off - give people the benefit of the doubt)! We can never know exactly where they're coming from. Thank goodness God judges the heart.