I bought clothes today. I didn’t get anything really exciting – a few tops, some socks and underwear, and a winter jacket – but I had an amazing time shopping. Everything fit. Everything!
And all of the clothes that I ended up purchasing were smalls except for one medium top. Granted, I was shopping in the bigger department stores and I always find that they are more generous with their sizing than at many of the other shops, but it still felt great to be able to pull on items while not even entertaining the thought of trying a large, extra large, or one of the many bigger sizes that I wore for so many years.
I have been struggling for a long time now and slowly putting back on some of the weight that I lost. It has not been so much that I have been extremely worried, although I certainly have my moments, but I have still endeavored to keep it in check and to be very cognizant of what my weight is doing. I know that having gone through such drastic changes over the last year that I was probably due for a bit of a backslide and – more accurately – an adjustment period to being so much lighter and healthier.
But, after going shopping today I am reminded of all that I have worked for. I doubt that I will ever be able to walk into a store and buy a small or medium shirt or pair of pants and not experience an internal celebration of some sort. I have worked too hard and gone through too much to ever forget about how far I am from where I was. And I don’t want to lose that.
I was walking though a parking lot with my husband this afternoon too and I noticed our shadows and I felt a huge smile break across my face. I like seeing our bodies silhouetted on the ground like that now. Before I used to hate that type of a reflection because it was too easy to note the way my shape was so much larger than his and to see how round and lumpy my body outline appeared. But I love seeing those shadows now! Again, it is one of the many, many bonuses that I didn’t really think I might have when I started this journey and it is something that I will not let slip through my fingers now or ever.
I have been messing around too much lately. I know it. I have never once claimed to be doing well when it has been so obvious that I have been faltering for months now. But I have continued on the path regardless of my uncertainty about which route I was on because I always assumed that if I just kept walking that I would eventually get somewhere. Stopping was never an option for me. Sitting down and giving up? That’s just not my style.
So, I’m going to continue on with my tradition of honesty. I am not going to make grandiose promises because I know me and that will likely just set me up for disaster. What I will do is try more. I will do better. I will put in a greater effort towards ensuring that I can continue finding clothes that fit, that I will always be able to enjoy slipping into those smaller sizes, and that I never again glimpse my shadow and dislike the image. Eventually, I can adjust to the innumerable changes I have gone through this year, but I would never be able to accept retreating to where I came from.
On this type of journey, there is no turning back.
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 5 glasses of water
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry yogurt with 1 cup granola cereal
- 4 cups mint chocolate bar ice cream blend
- 3/4 cup salted cashews
- 10 potato chips
- 1 1/2 cups broccoli, carrots, cherry tomatoes, and celery with ranch dip
- 1 cup lasagna with Parmesan cheese
- 2 slices garlic bread
- 3/4 cup vanilla ice cream with butterscotch sauce
- 2 miniature eclairs
- 10 squats