Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Tracking Progress

I went out jogging with a friend yesterday afternoon. It came about quite unexpectedly when I was chatting with her and she said that she was planning on going for a run to take advantage of the nice weather. I offered to meet up with her and she was quick to accept.

I was very nervous about the thought of exercising in such a manner with this woman because I know that she is, and always has been, quite fit. As we discussed the specifics of the upcoming run I went to fairly great lengths to ensure that she knew I would be going at my own pace (which would undoubtedly be slower than her own) and that if she wanted to go ahead that I was fine with that. I made sure she knew that I was happy to just have someone on the track with me even if we weren’t working out side by side.

So when we started out jogging after our five minute warm-up walk, and had gone for less than ten paces, I was shocked to hear her laughingly call me a liar from a few steps behind. I was going faster than her! It was immediately obvious that there were no hard feelings so I just settled into my run, but I was actually quite thrown by the whole thing.

To further my confusion on the matter, I was at least three-quarters of a lap ahead of her towards the middle of our time out together on the track and, due to some significant chronic pain that this wonderful woman unfortunately suffers from and the fact that she developed a sudden nosebleed while running, she was forced to slow to a walk at a few different points. I really don’t know what to make of all that.

I want to be proud of the fact that it appears that I am faster than a friend I have always viewed as in shape, but I know she said she was having an off day. I would like to feel good about how I exemplified more endurance during the course of our workout, yet I don’t know if that is accurate since she was dealing with some pain (and a bloody nose) for at least part of the run. I think that I should stop myself from making any type of comparison to others; however, I can’t help but find yesterday’s event a bit disconcerting as it really challenges my perception of reality.

I think that what it comes down to is that I still view myself as weighing 266 pounds. So how on earth could a woman of that size keep up with someone who is obviously so much more fit? Logically, I know that my physique and fitness level are totally different from where I was eight months ago, but my mind hasn’t quite internalized that fact just yet. Someday I will get it.

I really am so proud of both my friend and I for going to the track yesterday. Whether it is more of a physical battle like she is going through or a mental struggle such as my own – whether I did a little better this time or she kicks my behind from now on – we both continue to rise to the challenges presented to us. That is, and always will be, much more important than any amount of speed or stamina.


  1. I fit into a size 12....almost a 10. Yet I do not try on pants in stores tht are that size.
    I see them and 'know' I am supposed to fit in them.
    The other day, I am standing in the locker room and I turn around and I see myself. Almost like the time I actually saw myself fat...except this time I was thin.
    I stood there staring. Just trying to accept reality but feeling almost outside my own body. Almost like it is someone else looking at me.
    It will take time...and as far as being faster...well take it lol.
    You are as fit as she is...It will take time to accept.
    You'll just have to try, lol.

  2. You know, you just might be in better shape than your pal... This can be possible!! You have been rocking out girl and you need to celebrate it. I bet you work 3x's as hard on your fitness as your friend, because you have to. Kudos for your aha moment!!


  3. I think you have to accept that you simply rock, is all! You've obviously underestimated your fitness level and preparation to this point..What a great accomplishment! Pat yourself on the back. Thanks for stopping by my blog and thank you for showing the way! K.
    My blog: www.it-is-time.com

  4. It's hard not to compare with others, and the whole body dysmorphic thing is a tough one to overcome. It trips some women up. However...Looks like you are already aware and ready to tackle this challenge just like you have all the rest. Great job!!!

  5. You are fit. If people were to see you, they would describe you as fit. Embrace it and love it..you have earned it. Fit. Strong. Determined. Nice!

  6. It's so hard to get "reality" to set in, eh? You are not 266 pounds. You weigh in the 140's. Unreal.

  7. It was pretty jarring to realize how off my understanding of the situation was - to be shown so efficiently how wrong I have been in my thinking. I still can't beleive it!

    Chris, my perception has been drastically off for a while, I think; thanks for reminding me that I am not alone!