Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Trying To Get A Little Perspective

I had a moment of frustration tonight which resulted in me trying to express to my husband how I get confused when I think about what I look like now. I really have no idea of what image should be in my mind when I think of myself and I couldn’t even begin to guess at how I look compared to others. I know my sizes, my measurements, and my weight, but none of that actually help me to understand how I appear.

My man can be very wise at times. I was attempting to describe all of this to him when he looked at me and said, “It’s like if you were walking down the street and saw yourself; you wouldn’t recognize you.” Yes! That is exactly how it is!

I really need to think about this some more. It is something that has been bothering me for a couple of months now and I still don’t have a handle on it…

- 11 glasses of water
- 2 egg wrap on a soft tortilla shell with grated cheese, mushrooms, and pepper
- 1 gala apple with cinnamon
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry yogurt with 1 cup whole grain Cheerios
- 2 1/2 cups celery with light peanut butter
- 2 small Mandarin oranges
- 2 cheese and potato perogies with bacon pieces, lots of onion, and light sour cream
- 3 bites of a caramel apple cinnamon pudding ring cake

- 1 hour and 5 minutes of jogging with walking warm up, intervals, and cool down (50 minutes of actual jogging)


  1. you've lost 117 lbs in 7 months, of course you don't know what you look like! Its almost too quick. You have lost MORE than if you had had gastric bypass surgery, and those people get psychological treatment throughout their weight loss. Maybe you could see a counselor.
    Also some pictures of you in normal clothes would help, all I see to the right is pics of you in these terrible baggy workout clothes. Break out of that coccoon and wear something pretty and take a picture of it!

  2. yeah, I have lost about 100 lbs in 11 months...and the other day I saw somebody and realized it was me in the mirror...I stopped and had to look...I mean look.
    I almost started crying. I look so different.
    It's bizarre.

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  4. Your brain probably hasn't switched up yet but maybe if you made the conscious effort to look at your self in the mirror for 10 mins everyday, then took a bunch of new pics in flattering clothes and looked at then, it will begin to register that this hot woman is really me, lol! K.
    My blog:

  5. My friend,

    I know exactly the feeling, the emotion you're experiencing. It is something that very few people get a chance to experience---a complete transformation, and one that obviously has some very complex psychological issues. It really does...more than I thought it would.
    I wouldn't want to ever bring old Sean back---and maybe referring to my former image as "old Sean" isn't the correct thing to do---I don't know---There was once a giant 505 pound guy with special hang-ups, insecurities, and a sense of humor that doubled as a defense mechanism for his fragile feelings. That guy was VERY likable---and he's gone forever---replaced with this new image---full of confidence, drive, determination, and a personality that maybe, just maybe---was deep down under the fat for so long.
    We're going to make it 266, we really's just going to take our brains a little longer to process our new image...much longer than it took to transform.
    What a wonderful husband you have! I'm very happy for you---and honored to be along side on this weight loss road.

    My best always

  6. Body image is weirdly persistent. I've hardly changed compared to you but I didn't recognize myself at first in the video my husband took on vacation. Gratz on breaking into the 140s!

  7. Very interesting post... I would think that is a good thing that you don't recognize yourself BUT as we all have been there in some fashion, we don't even see the truth of what is there. That part is so hard!

  8. I saw my shadow the other day and really didn't believe my legs were that thin. I have lost 92 lbs and i often explain to people that a lot of the time i am still a fat girl in a skinny girls body....most people laugh but anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight will understand. My brain is still catching up to my body. Your brain will catch up! Soak it up! look in the mirror, put something sexy on (like that hot red skirt you showed us a while back!) take some pictures and video and then look at them, with your new skinny eyes! It will take a while but you will get there!

  9. Believe it or not, your eyes and emotions will catch up. It just takes time. So worth the wait because once your vision has been corrected you will never want to go back!

  10. It seems like each time I read your posts, I feel like I'm reading something that I would have written!! I TOTALLY understand. But if sometimes you don't see that "New" body- Look over at your pictures and see how AMAZING you look! Even if your eyes are playing tricks, like mine, you have to step back and find that one picture that REALLY makes you realize how far you've come. Great job!

  11. Well, this is a great topic to be pondering in light of the way each person's identity is so closely tied up with his or her appearance. You probably look 10 years younger too. And I imagine people treat you differently. You treat yourself differently. Why wouldn't you feel would be worrisome if you didn't feel some confusion! But confusion is not a comfortable feeling. Time will pass. Your new identity will start to feel real and solid. Plus, you are still losing weight and taking on new activities and behaviors, so your identity is still changing too. You're doing remarkable things with your life. I may only lose 2-3 lbs a month, but you're still an inspiration. The numbers don't tell the whole story, do they? The changes inside are sometimes more significant.

  12. Thanks for listening and for offering such great advice, friends!

    Nancy and K., I've got a few photos scattered on here of me in nice clothes. I do wish I could afford to update my wardrobe better though; you are right that it would probably help me break out of the self-imposed mold more!

    Chris, it's surreal, isn't it?

    That's so sweet, Sean; every time I am reminded that I am not alone, it truly does help me out so much!

    Lisa, I know just what you mean! When I go clothes shopping by myself I have asked the sales girls a few times how I look, explaining about the weight loss and that I don't know what fits now.

  13. Anonymous, you really hit the nail on the head! What an eloquent way of expressing this!

  14. I think coming to grips with understanding and living in the reality of the "new you" is essential to keeping the weight off. It was this exact issue that kept me from maintaining. I didn't know myself, I could believe it was me. This time, I will figure it out! I'll be looking forward your insights as you ponder and work it out.

  15. I imagine you've spent a lot more time near the weight of 266 than you have in the 150's - at least in the past few years... so it makes total sense that your self-image would be "off". You've lost weight rather quickly, too. I like the comment above about "being a fat girl in a skinny body" - with having lost 55 pounds of my 100 pound goal I've begun to have those moments, too. Maybe a fun afternoon getting to "know" the knew you would be going to a few of your favorite stores and taking pictures of yourself in the beautiful clothes that you'll begin adding to your closet when you can? Hang the pictures on your mirror, keep some by your bed, maybe on the fridge... Look at, smile at, and enjoy "145" :) ~ Angie