Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Just Not Feeling It

I am pretty sure that today was not simply an extension of how poorly I have been doing of late. It didn’t feel that way anyhow. The last couple of days I have finally been slowly pulling it together in comparison to the previous two weeks of falling off the wagon. Today simply felt like there was no motivation.

I did okay. There was no ice cream or cheesecake involved. But I was pretty munchie and it was hard to care about portion control. My exercise was non-existent. It was just an all around ‘blah’ kind of day.

But I am trying. Even though things weren’t as easy as they have been in the past I am still putting one foot in front of the other. Giving up is not an option. I am plodding along and I suppose that is something.

I am grateful that I decided to make this whole thing a way of life. Thinking in terms of a diet or a weight loss project would make this too easy to veer from my path with how difficult things have been lately. Long term, sustainable changes have made all the difference. Even if it doesn't particularly feel like it right now…

- 8 glasses of water
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 2 golden delicious apples with cinnamon
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free vanilla bean yogurt with 1 cup rice and wheat flake granola cereal
- 1 mug decaffeinated tea with milk
- 1 Mandarin orange
- 1 cup sourdough bread with spinach dip
- 3/4 cup fat free summer fruit yogurt with 1 cup rice and wheat flake granola cereal
- 1/2 cup steamed broccoli, cauliflower, onion, and green beans with margarine
- 1/2 cup steamed potatoes with margarine
- 1/4 cup corn with margarine
- 3/4 cup Swiss steak in tomato and mushroom sauce
- 1 mug caramel steamed skim milk

- 10 squats


  1. Sometimes there is no incentive, or motivation, or get up and go. There's nothing but the same thread-bare thought processes and ways of thinking. If this, if that, if only. Just gets old.

    Keep at it though, and hopefully it'll all become what you need/want it to be.

  2. The sports team that wins everything all season, often has trouble in the play offs. These hard times will make you stronger to fight the battle for a lifetime. Be patient and learn. You'll soon be soaring in losses again. Thinking of you!

  3. When I see pictures of you in March and even February I see a healthy and fit body that was capable of running and moving and playing and feeling great...even though that body was still in the process of developing more muscles. I guess I just don't understand the desire to be *thin* when the price means feeling too stressed. Is it more important to be thin according to an external ideal than to feel great?

    As women, getting and staying thin may give us an illusion of control while, ironically and sadly, robbing us of power. Fat and thin are not absolutes. Thinner does not equal healthier. And not being thin isn't the same as being fat. You can be fit and healthy at a weight that feels much better physically.

    I would hate to see such a lovely person turn into an obsessive compulsive perfectionist who questions herself at every turn and pours her energy into the pursuit of some all or nothing, imaginary ideal. What a waste of womanly power. I hope you will stop and question if your goal is a number on a scale or something much more powerful.

    You have the potential to do great things, and for all I know you are fulfilling your potential. So please take this as a cautionary tale from a woman who gave away her power to the scale and is fighting to rediscover her true potential.


  4. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Sounds like you're getting back into the flow, even though you had an off day.
    I can understand your disappointment about the pregnancy - I went through something similar last July. It can really play with your emotions.
    Hang in there! I know you'll find your mojo again.

  5. Ahh, mojo... that's what I need! :)

    Dawne, I loved this: "These hard times will make you stronger to fight the battle for a lifetime." Thank you.

    Robin, I really appreciate the perspective that you are trying to bring here. I think it is very important to be more concerned with health and fitness levels than the number on the scale. Maybe I am not doing a good job of explaining it, but for me it IS the health part that is bothering me. I would love to see the scale continue going down a bit more, but that's not where my frustration is coming from. I am unhappy with how I am eating unhealthy things and with the fact that I haven't gone running lately, for example. Those are the aspects of my problems of late that are really getting to me. Thin or no, I am good at being happy; that's just who I am... my womanly power is in tact and will always remain so, I assure you! :) The fact that I am feeling frustrated really does have little to nothing to do with the numbers; I just know that I am not doing all that I can right now and my own shortcomings are frustrating me. Thank you though for the warning; it is helpful to know that I may be coming across in my writing in a way that I don't want others to misconstrue.