Monday, June 7, 2010

Slipping Down That Familiar Slope

It started on May 21st. That was the day I gave up trying for a perfect record. I had already been struggling with a touch of complacency for a couple of months before that, and had actually noticed a loosening of the reigns as far back as the start of the year. But that girls’ night that I overindulged at two weeks ago was really the main catalyst for the problems I have had staying on track as of late.

I never wanted to aim for perfection. I am what a good friend has called an ‘excellentist’; I have many of the over-achieving qualities of the perfectionist, but am thankfully tempered by a relatively adaptive personality and the ability to accept when things don’t ultimately turn out as I would have liked. I also think that the folly of attempting to be perfect sets one up for eventual failure, not to mention a very boring existence.

That said, what I was achieving with having such a long-standing steak of weight loss up until the morning following my girls’ night was a very helpful series of benchmarks. Knowing what my smallest losses were always gave me something to aim for – something to try and outdo. As soon as I had that gain, my benchmarks were obliterated and my attitude changed.

Now I don’t think about trying to do better than my worst because my worst is that I gained 4.6 pounds in a week. I’m pretty confident that I can do better than that and unfortunately it shows. My efforts have dwindled to next to nothing because I would now be hard pressed to mess up worse than I already have.

I am really having a hard time. I looked down at my stomach this evening (after eating a huge helping of Chinese food and prior to going for ice cream) and was sad about how much it was sticking out. I am not really worried about going back to where I was, but there is a tiny part of me that wonders if it could happen. More than that though I am just upset by the fact that I know I am still not quite where I want to be. If I never reach my updated aim of 133 pounds I am okay with that, but I really want to have my original goal of 150 as a red line which I never cross. However, this morning I was over it again because of the last couple of days of munching and I certainly am going to be worse off tomorrow due to all the damage I did tonight.

I talked to my husband about this and asked him for his help in keeping me accountable. I have been giving in much too often and allowing myself far too much leeway. I started this journey knowing that it needed to be sustainable and that it couldn’t be about deprivation. But I think that for the next little while I really need to try to actually put up a few guidelines if I want to stop myself from continuing down this slippery slope.

- 8 glasses of water
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli turkey, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free peach yogurt with 1 cup pecan granola cluster cereal
- 2 1/2 cups pineapple
- 3 1/2 cups spinach salad with cubed cheese, croutons, dried cranberries, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing
- 1 toasted raisin English muffin with light peanut butter
- 1 glass pomegranate and elderflower sparkling water
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry yogurt with 1 1/2 cups almond oatmeal and wheat flake cereal
- 10 sea salt potato chips
- 1 pear
- 4 cups low fat butter flavoured popcorn
- 3 cups chicken chow mien
- 3 sweet and sour pork balls
- 2 cups beef and broccoli
- 1 fortune cookie
- 1 chocolate Florentine cookie
- 1 mug coconut steamed soy milk
- 6 tiny ice cream and sorbet samples
- 1 scoop green apple sorbet and 1 scoop gingerbread ice cream in a waffle ice cream cone
- 2 1/2 cups sourdough bread with spinach dip
- 1 mug hot chocolate
- 1 orange filled chocolate bar

- 10 squats


  1. Good morning my sweet friend. I'm gonna' give it to you straight because I care enough about you to do so rather than say things like, you're doing great, love yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself.

    Now is the EXACT time to get hard on yourself. Why? Because you're the ONLY one can save yourself. We can cheer you on from a distance but we can't keep you from shoving the ice cream into your mouth. Guess what else we can do from a distance? We can watch you slide down that slope at a high rate of speed. Don't let it happen girl. I don't want to see that...none of us do.

    I've been worried about you for a while now...I know you don't want to go back to where you were before, and I know you don't think it will happen...but just remember that it happens 1 lb. a time if you don't turn this around now. Find your fire again....find your passion....and make maintaining your goal weight first and foremost until that maintenance phase is second-natured. If you need to get hard core for a while just to get back to the 150, then do what you gotta' do...but do it. Get it done. Save yourself. Love ya'.

  2. My advice, as someone who has lost/regained at least four times in my adult life, is MAINTAIN 145 or somewhere below your red line for a while before pursuing the 130's. Maintaining is so difficult. You are thin, you are active, you have lost a ton of weight, but you don't want to be caught up in a cycle of only losing or gaining. It's easier losing and gaining than it is maintaining. Maintaining isn't as exciting, we don't see the the scale moving - BUT - it is the ultimate success.

  3. I think sometimes when we are getting close to our goals we like to sabotage ourselves. I think sometimes we are afraid of what is ahead of us in the journey. So step back reevaluate what is going on, make a plan and get back on track. You can do this, you have come so far already.

  4. I'd have to agree with Dawn's advice, too.

  5. Tammy and Dawne said it quite well. I wondered myself because of the tone and frequency of your posts lately. You know what to do hon...

  6. Dawne and Tammy speak wise words, self sabotae is the enemy at the moment but I have no doubt you will get past it and get to your goal.



  7. I appreciate your honesty and think your first two commenters helped myself as well.

    I tend to see a small goal and get excited and stop there, but I've decided to get serious. You are one of the people I keep thinking of who showed regular losses and proved it can be done.

    You will do it, you've worked too hard to let it all come back on. Take care and I look forward to seeing your posts on the other side of this slippery slope.

  8. Hi, I'm new to your blog. I haven't been here to watch your journey, but... as I read your post, I can identify with you. Just today I came home and wanted to EAT!! For no reason, but because. I had a very fairly healthy snacks and sat down to blog. I decided to look for some new blogs to follow and came across yours. As I scrolled down your pictures, I got really emotional. I've got a similar story as most the weight loss bloggers. Overweight since I was 12, tried every diet in the book, gave up on living, and myself. But this year, I decided it was the year. The year to actually DO it! I'm down 30lbs. As I looked at your pictures it gave me hope! Hope that I can do this. That just like you, I could have big success and get down to my goal weight. Don't give up. Don't give up on yourself. I don't even know you and you've inspired me. What you are doing makes a difference! I can only imagine the difference it's made in your life, to you, your family, and the many readers you have. I feel so inspired I think I'll make a healthy dinner and go for a hike. Thank you. Tammy seems like a real friend, you should listen to her. Keep fighting!!

  9. You have some great advice here.... you have to put that mental muscle back to it... maybe read my post on this a few days ago. I have a post coming up next week on this exact struggle os yours. I will let you know when I post it.

    DO NOT let all your hard work go to waste!!! You done good!!!

    The only one who can tell you you can't is you. And you don't have to listen!!!! NIKE

  10. You are already in the healthy range so don't worry too much about some occasional lapses! And anyway everyone understands that maintainence is toughest part of any weight loss journey :)

  11. I am so lucky to have all of you! You bring me to tears with the way that you care. Thank you.

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