Sunday, June 13, 2010

Lazy Days Of Summer - Part Two

Yesterday I posted about some very insightful remarks that were sent to me in a private email and how, as a result, I started to investigate an aspect of my current difficulties that I had not yet fully explored. I think that it’s necessary to more fully flush out the topic so that I can come up with some solutions to this issue.

I do too much. That’s not something that I readily admit to, but I think that I need to make note of it here. The fact that tears just instantly sprang up into my eyes as I wrote out those four little words hints at the rawness of emotion that exists when recognizing that particular truth. Somewhere in the back of my brain I know that this fact exists, but not recognizing it means that I can keep on going full steam ahead without contemplating the impossibility to what I feel I often manage to deliver. My husband calls it cartoon logic. You only fall off the edge of a cliff once you take a moment to realize that you shouldn’t be able to stand atop thin air.

Another truth that I need to acknowledge here is that lately I have been jumping around looking for solutions. I think that I need to try and settle on something and just commit to that for a while. I believe that my idea from a couple of days ago to simply do the best I can in the moment I am in and to return to basics is a good one. So, regardless of whatever else changes in the near future, I am really going to try to give that a chance.

Something that bothered me a lot about yesterday’s entry was when I shared that my husband and I have joked about not having time together until August due to our insanely busy schedules. There is a fundamental difference between the two of us that is really important to note here as it will largely figure in how I go about untangling this trap I have caught myself up in.

I thrive on busy. Regardless of the fact that I am currently struggling with trying to keep up with all of the expectations that I have placed on myself, I really do enjoy having a lot on the go and I am particularly productive when that is the case. My husband ascribes to the exact opposite philosophy.

Over the past few months, as things have gotten busier and busier for me, I have relied on my partner much more heavily. He accompanies me when I need to run errands, he does odd jobs for me, and he has taken on a larger share of housework. He has essentially been at my beck and call and it is wearing him out. My husband is not a big complainer, but even he has his limits and I know that it has been at least a couple of weeks since he announced that he was done. Yet I have still been pushing him to help me out because I feel like I don’t have an alternative. Without his assistance I can not get done all that I must, and so I keep on taking advantage of the one person I want to take care of the most.

This bothers me to no end! I have cried at the thought of asking him for yet one more favour because I hate how busy I have kept him lately. He just wants to relax for a day or two and I haven’t felt that I could provide that to him. I may be able to run on fumes for days, weeks, and even months on end, but it is starting to take its toll on him. The guilt that I feel over this is immense.

So I need to figure that out. Because regardless of how hectic life gets, he is the one person who I have always been able to rely on and I need him to know how appreciated that is. I have to hit upon some balance between enjoying my many projects while knowing when to ask for help and taking a step back to allow for a break when needed, whether such a breather is for my husband or for me.

I will be finalizing some strategies to help me with all of this and I will probably post them tomorrow. I know that this is all a bit of a departure from my normal subject matter, but I think that on this journey to improved health that it is important to delve into the deeper mental workings. Whether I am focusing on what I eat, how much exercise I have done, or the reasons behind why I am going off plan, I am continuing to do what I can each and every day. And really, what more can I ask of myself?

- 5 glasses of water
- 1 wrap on a soft tortilla shell with deli ham, cheese, dried cranberries, spinach, fat free Miracle Whip, mustard, and pepper
- 3/4 cup fat free summer fruits yogurt with 1 cup rice and wheat flake granola cereal
- 1 small chocolate covered vanilla fudge candy bar
- 3 cups Caesar salad with bacon pieces, Parmesan cheese, and croutons
- 1/2 garlic wedge
- 1 mug pumpkin spice skim milk chai latte
- 6 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 6 pieces of a tempera yam sushi roll with soy sauce
- 1 mug caramel cinnamon dolce steamed skim milk

- 100 jumping jacks


  1. I hope you find a way to achieve what you need to but also have time for the both of you. Can you not make an appointment with each other for a particular time each week and just like you would keep an appointment with a professional then keep that appointment sacred?
    I am like you always busy but I have started to have "me" time even if just a couple of hours each week. It takes a lot of willpower but it works. Good luck ...

  2. Like wot I said, its never a case of simply over-indulgence :). Sorry its painful to see what is happening, but I you are a really strong and sensitive woman - and I know that when you have finished thinking - there will be a narrow path that opens between the wood and the tree's. Courage mon brave!

  3. have you always been this busy, or just since you lost the weight?


  4. I have always been a "giver", so my husband calls me. Unselfish. My husband says just don't. My parents always taught me the opposite. it is a battle we sometimes (most) times don't see eye to eye on.
    I have started to find time. Time for me. Time for us. Time for him.
    If you are evr going to have a family, which I know you want. You are going to have totally shift your thinking to being less busy. because that little person is going to take up so much more of your time.
    You need to do your best to figure this out. Keep working through it as you can. Find your way back to finding you.
    Once you do that, you, and your husband will both find that common ground that makes you both the happiest together.
    Busy is not always better. Busy is just a way to run away from so many other things.

  5. I have the same issue you do in the sense that I am always busy and can never say no. I love it, because being busy makes me more productive, although I also complain about it non-stop. Lately I'm beginning to realize that after I graduate from my master's program in a year, I really want to take some time to slow down and enjoy the little things in life a bit more. There is nothing like spending a lazy day with your husband, but we haven't been able to do that in a long, long time.

    It sounds like you're really starting to figure this out and perhaps make some good changes in your life. I think there's probably a balance between being way too busy, and trying to bring yourself down to your husband's level of comfort. Thanks for such an inspiring post, it reminds me to stop and thank my fiance for all that he does for me!

  6. I know this is none of my business or any of ours but I was wondering if you have thought about why you want to keep so busy. Is it just you OR are you keeping away from things you don't want to think about or deal with? I know peple that thrive on being busy so just asking.... not saying it is wrong.

    Also, as for your hubby.. being married as long as I have.. we can only push our partner so far.. we all have to compromise but at some point if it is all on one end...

    I know, again, none of my business but you mentioned your hubby does not like to complain & he may not be telling you how bad it really is affecting him.


  7. Please don't apologise as if this is off topic. This post is 100% on topic. It is something you are working out and you put a voice to it.

    I second Jody's comment above. Maybe now is the time to explore the why's of keeping yourself so busy.

    I used to be a super busy person, sometimes I get back into that mode. What really slowed me down was having kids. I calmed way down. I also have a hubby is a home body hermit. We are yin and yang and I have to sometimes give into his yin and he to my yang.

  8. I think you are very wise to care deeply how your lifestyle affects your sweetie and your marriage. Best of luck figuring it out.

  9. You know how far you've come! You don't "have to be strong", you already proved you are. Keep on for your health, not the scale... this blog has been a constant inspiration for me in the past weeks and contributed in persuading me to open a blog too today. Thank you so much!

  10. Wow! Your pictures are awesome! I didn't see them before! It is truly a testament to your willpower! That shows what a strong person you are. I hope you are giving yourself enough credit!

    You are wonderful! You are an inspiration to me!

  11. Thank you all for the many wise and intelligent comments on this post. Honestly, I am finding the advice and questions a little overwhelming right now, so I will come back to them when I am in a better mind set and able to properly obsorb them.

  12. You really gotta slow down, girl. At the end of life, the wish is never that you'd worked more but rather spent more time loving those important to you with your time. We women are such doers that I think we forget that just spending time with our husbands or kids or friends is what they really want. And, in the end, it isn't going to matter one iota if your house was perfect.

    From experience I know that when I am burning the candle at both ends and trying to light the middle too, the last thing I want to consider is slowing down. Find a way. You will NEVER regret it.

  13. I have no advice because this post could have been written by me. If you want to know me more, read this post. That's me. And my husband. I love busy, and I have been relying too much on him lately when all he wants is a day to relax. Damn. And of course, all this pressure was put on myself by me. Funny. It's also funny that I got the flu this week, perfect timing. I was able to sit in bed, sick as a dog with fever, and do nothing. Though I was sick and feeling miserable, I appreciated the down time. I really needed it to clear my head and rest my body. I've put it into overload.

    But we have to remember, this close to goal weight, it's a whole nother ball game. It's not the same game as when we began. It takes an adjustment in actions, thoughts, and state of mind. Adjustment. And the adjustments are different for everyone I suppose. It's part of the journey.

    Just wanted to let you know that I'm exactly where you are and I understand. Good luck.