Today sucked. I already tried writing the start of this post several times and nothing seemed to do it justice quite like that two word sentence, so I am letting the statement stand. Allow me to reiterate: today sucked.
I did, indeed, stroll along the route of the 5K I am contemplating walking in and that portion of the day was fine. The path was very simple and mostly flat with one moderate hill a little way past the halfway mark. The whole thing took me 51 minutes to walk so it wouldn’t be a problem if I do decide to participate. I just haven’t made up my mind yet about whether or not to register. They are advertising it mostly as a Halloween themed family activity and since it would just be me, I am not sure if I should do it.
Anyhow, the reason I am having a hard time is that I have felt a bit lonely lately. Because of scheduling conflicts, I have not been able to get together with my friends very often over the past month and – with all of the changes I have been going through in regards to my weight loss and increase in health – it is beginning to really frustrate me that my progress is not even being given a chance to be noticed.
I know I flip flop on this issue. Sometimes I like the idea of people noticing and other times I despise the thought, but right now – with the option not even being available – I am feeling neglected. To some degree I want to share what is going on in my life and I have really been missing the opportunity to do that with the individuals who are supposed to be interested.
On top of that particular piece of emotional baggage, there are a few health concerns regarding a family member, so both my husband and I are feeling the stress of that. I also began my monthly womanly duties today, so the possibility of me breaking down right now is very real.
All day long I was craving food; not for anything specific, just as something to constantly munch on. I thought I had done really well countering my rather gluttonous desires, but after looking at the list of my food intake for the day I am feeling a little differently.
It’s not that I ate anything really bad, but more that I ate a lot of what I did have. I don’t generally count calories, but I do try to make sure that I stay aware of approximately how much I am eating in a day. Today was under the 2000 calorie mark, but I am sure it was over 1500 which is quite high for me. Even though I did pretty well with my holiday dinners this past weekend, I know that consuming this much food will not result in a very good weigh-in on Saturday.
I am not even sure what happened. I guess that with me feeling emotional and trying to stay away from unhealthy foods, I overate on the stuff that I deemed acceptable because I still felt the need to put something into my stomach. Not good. I need to be more careful of this. I can’t let these old habits slip in when I am not paying attention, and certainly not when I think I am doing well because the surprise at the end of that type of stint will not be pleasant. I need to be more accountable and not simply replace cookies with salad, especially when neither of those is an adequate substitute for my mental stability and physical well-being.
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 cups cobb salad with chicken, hard boiled egg, bacon bits, grated cheese, lettuce, grape tomatoes, green onion, black olives, and fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 6 inch sub on a whole wheat bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, green pepper, light mayonnaise, mustard and pepper
- 2 small Mandarin oranges
- 4 cups of Caesar salad with Parmesan, croutons, and bacon bits
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a California roll with soy sauce
- 50 minute walk
- 35 minutes on the recumbent bike