Thursday, October 15, 2009

Talking About, Feeling Like, And Eating Lots Of Crap

Today sucked. I already tried writing the start of this post several times and nothing seemed to do it justice quite like that two word sentence, so I am letting the statement stand. Allow me to reiterate: today sucked.

I did, indeed, stroll along the route of the 5K I am contemplating walking in and that portion of the day was fine. The path was very simple and mostly flat with one moderate hill a little way past the halfway mark. The whole thing took me 51 minutes to walk so it wouldn’t be a problem if I do decide to participate. I just haven’t made up my mind yet about whether or not to register. They are advertising it mostly as a Halloween themed family activity and since it would just be me, I am not sure if I should do it.

Anyhow, the reason I am having a hard time is that I have felt a bit lonely lately. Because of scheduling conflicts, I have not been able to get together with my friends very often over the past month and – with all of the changes I have been going through in regards to my weight loss and increase in health – it is beginning to really frustrate me that my progress is not even being given a chance to be noticed.

I know I flip flop on this issue. Sometimes I like the idea of people noticing and other times I despise the thought, but right now – with the option not even being available – I am feeling neglected. To some degree I want to share what is going on in my life and I have really been missing the opportunity to do that with the individuals who are supposed to be interested.

On top of that particular piece of emotional baggage, there are a few health concerns regarding a family member, so both my husband and I are feeling the stress of that. I also began my monthly womanly duties today, so the possibility of me breaking down right now is very real.

All day long I was craving food; not for anything specific, just as something to constantly munch on. I thought I had done really well countering my rather gluttonous desires, but after looking at the list of my food intake for the day I am feeling a little differently.

It’s not that I ate anything really bad, but more that I ate a lot of what I did have. I don’t generally count calories, but I do try to make sure that I stay aware of approximately how much I am eating in a day. Today was under the 2000 calorie mark, but I am sure it was over 1500 which is quite high for me. Even though I did pretty well with my holiday dinners this past weekend, I know that consuming this much food will not result in a very good weigh-in on Saturday.

I am not even sure what happened. I guess that with me feeling emotional and trying to stay away from unhealthy foods, I overate on the stuff that I deemed acceptable because I still felt the need to put something into my stomach. Not good. I need to be more careful of this. I can’t let these old habits slip in when I am not paying attention, and certainly not when I think I am doing well because the surprise at the end of that type of stint will not be pleasant. I need to be more accountable and not simply replace cookies with salad, especially when neither of those is an adequate substitute for my mental stability and physical well-being.

- 10 glasses of water throughout the day
- 2 cups cobb salad with chicken, hard boiled egg, bacon bits, grated cheese, lettuce, grape tomatoes, green onion, black olives, and fat free rancher’s choice dressing
- 6 inch sub on a whole wheat bun with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, green pepper, light mayonnaise, mustard and pepper
- 2 small Mandarin oranges
- 4 cups of Caesar salad with Parmesan, croutons, and bacon bits
- 1 mug of chai pumpkin spice steamed soy milk
- 8 pieces of a California roll with soy sauce

- 50 minute walk
- 35 minutes on the recumbent bike


  1. I am sorry to hear about one of your family members. I know that can be a very stressful time! Just remember that you can do it and people are here to support you! I hope you have a wonderful day!

  2. Hugs.

    You're going to have days like this. I looked at what you ate and maybe it is more than you normally eat - but I bet it is still way less than you were eating before.

    This is for the rest of your life, right?

    It's not realistic to think you will never have emotional, crazy, over the top, bad eating's going to happen. And you may have weeks where you don't lose at all, or gain. The rest of your life is a long, long time.

    You've done the right thing. Acknowledged it. Next on today.

  3. I too am sorry about the family member's health problems. I've got a sick little one today and just that little illness gives me lots of stress, so I can just imagine how you are feeling.

    As I was reading your post I heard a lot of sadness. But what struck me was the same thing that Enz said above me. It's real life. It's not always easy, and learning to stay healthy throughout all the emotional ups and downs of life is what makes the weight loss journey real. Without those struggles and challenges along the way, you would never get a chance to learn how to handle them later on.

    So although this is a hard time, you are doing a great job controlling your food and thinking through your emotions. Perfect? Maybe not. But who is perfect? Certainly not me!!

    Stay strong!!

  4. Sorry for you family worries.
    Sending a Big Hug, thats all.


  5. All I can say is that we all have days (or weeks *ahem* like me *ahem*) like this. You are determined not to let this snowball into something more serious, so forgive yourself and move on, you know?
    Aunt Flow always does a number on me - I'm expecting her this week, and my eating is showing it.
    It's tough being a girl sometimes.

  6. It really is amazing how the womanly issues wreck havoc on our lives - emotionally and physically! Way to talk it all out...I really think that's what works. Blog out all the worry, emotion, stress and then you won't need to eat it out. Rooting for ya!

  7. Thanks, all! I am feeling better today. I know this is a long term change. I just have been enjoying such an upswing with the weight loss and everything and am not particularly looking forward to Saturday's weigh-in now. I just needed to vent and I am so thankful that you are all willing to listen. Thanks again!

  8. Think "refeed." "Calorie cycling." Keep your body guessing.

    It really is about the long term, and not the little ups and downs. I'm glad you're feeling better, and hope you get to hook up with a friend soon. Feeling lonely is hard.

  9. Hang in there. If you go a little longer between seeing those friends, there will just be that much bigger a difference for them to notice. I have more fun now seeing folks I haven't seen in six months or so, because I get the biggest reactions from them.

    Hang in there.

  10. You're doing just fine really are. That food list was nowhere near horrendous...I could show you some of mine that would make your jaw hit the floor. But things go awry, do just what you it all out...I'm excellent at vomit posts!! Jack's right about hanging in there until you get a chance to see your friends...the longer it is, the bigger reaction you will get, and that just might make the wait all worthwhile! I read where you said you're feeling better today...I'm glad. Your losses so far have been phenomenal in my book...but what the others said is're going to see a lower loss, a stall or maybe even a gain at some point. Don't let it get you's all part of the process. Just a little bump in the road. I gained 6 friggin' lbs this week...biggest gain I've had since I started 4 months ago. It was enough to make a girl want to close up shop!! But I hit it hard this week, took a peek at the scale today, and tomorrow's weigh-in is looking VERY promising....when you have a less than stellar weigh-in, just do your best to make the next one an excellent one...I know you've got it in've already proven what you can do on the scale!! :)