I have thought about it a little more since I woke up, and I believe I know at least part of why I was feeling so off last night. I think that I was letting myself get a bit stressed out about the upcoming holidays. Specifically, I am having a hard time getting ready for Christmas as far as getting organized with gifts goes.
Normally, I am one of those people who has almost everything completely finished by the time the end of November rolls around, but as those days inch closer and closer I am becoming woefully aware of the fact that I have almost nothing done. I know that as the festivities get nearer there is a greater chance of having last minute plans dropped into my lap and, as December 25th is now barely a month away, that there is an increasing possibility of not having enough time to finish all the things I have not yet even started.
At an initial glance I am aware that this may not appear to have anything to do with my weight loss journey, but it actually does in two very important ways. First, I think that it is partially the great diligence and care that I have given in regards to these health efforts that have led to a decrease in the time I would normally have dedicated to Christmas preparations by now. I have been so committed to my healthier lifestyle that I have neglected – to some degree – the fact that extra energy and time are also required to make the season successful and memorable. I very much dislike the thought that I have depleted my stores to such a degree that I have yet to get my act together in preparation of celebrating with family and friends.
The second factor which concerns me about this particular revelation is that without fully knowing it I suspect that I was unconsciously starting to sooth myself with food yesterday. It certainly was within reason – I still think that I did well with my eating, especially since I stuck with healthy items – but I am now wondering at the motivation behind my increase in carbohydrate intake. Is this a precursor to a relapse? I despise the thought of these types of behaviours still lurking within myself. As the holidays approach I am reminded that I need to be prepared for this default of mine to rear it’s ugly head and childishly demand Christmas cookies and boxes of chocolates.
For now, I will make sure that I am more able to strike a balance between keeping on top of this journey and on top of the not-so-daily activities which this time of year tends to bring. I will endeavor to divide more evenly the time that I have available amidst all of the tasks which I must do, and I will remember that perfection is folly. I will also attempt to remain aware of the eating trap which I can be led into by stress. I may have already developed healthier eating habits which can be a cushion for the occasional pull to consume more carbohydrates, but the slippery slope that can lead back to weight gain is too real to ignore. Dissecting why I feel the way that I do – like I have here – will surely give me a sturdier foothold when facing that particular mountain.
I am very happy that I thought this all through and that I have reached the conclusions that I have. These types of introspective examinations are what will help me get through this season with minimal damage. Knowing ahead of time what challenges I will likely face allows me to formulate a plan of resistance that I can be ready to pull out at a moment’s notice. Preparation is key!