I had a weird experience this evening. I actually can not remember the last time that something like this happened. A friend of mine offered me a couple of hand me downs.
The woman who had me try on her old jackets has – in my opinion – a really great body. She is not stick-thin, but is very petite and looks great in pretty much anything she wears. Granted the two coats she asked if I wanted to have were too large for her, but they were hanging in her closet and had been used by her in the past. One of them is a medium and the other is a size 10… and they (more or less) fit.
They are a little tight around my hips and I suspect that I will get more use out of them come Spring, after a few more pounds have been shed, but they are definitely items that I think fit well enough that even now I would not hesitate to wear them out in public. I am astounded. I don’t even really know how to compute any of this. To be honest, it is a little overwhelming.
How can a woman who weighs 266 pounds fit into the clothes of a person nearly half that size? I know that I am not that weight anymore – that I have lost 75 of those pounds and that I will continue that downward trend – but I guess sometimes it just doesn’t yet register that I am beginning to enter the realm of normal sized items. Some days it does; there have been lots of occasions when I stare down at my body and think that it is finally coming into sync with how I feel and how I believe I should look. But, with something like this where I am faced with trying on the clothing of a woman whom I still believe to be tiny in comparison to myself, I feel like my perception is all out of whack. My brain is having trouble catching up to the reality of my situation, I suppose.
Unnerved, I think, is the word I would use to describe how I felt standing there, buttoned into the second jacket, knowing full well that the first one fitting had not simply been a fluke. I actually had to choke back a couple of tears. I can’t even claim that they would have been happy tears either; I believe they were more due to a fear of the unknown than anything else.
I am sitting here shaking my head as I type right now. I don’t know where this sudden onslaught of confused emotions came from considering the experience was a positive one. I should be thrilled that I am getting to this point in my journey. But somewhere, in the deepest recesses of my mind, sits a 266 pound girl looking out through my eyes with disbelief in her own. She is certain that this is a trick, and I am not sure of what I can do to convince her otherwise.
FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 9 glasses of water throughout the day
- 1 pear
- 1 crepe with strawberries, whipped cream, and icing sugar and cocoa mix
- 1 banana
- 1 cup seasoned rice with egg and vegetables
- 1 chicken honey mustard breast
- 1/2 cup pan-fried peppers
- 1/2 slice of cucumber
- 2 bites of a piece of cheese
- 2 1/2 cups broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots with sweet onion dressing
- 20 minute walk
- 2 sets of 2 minutes of weight lifting with 10 lbs per arm while laying down
- 2 sets of 50 stomach crunches
- 2 sets of 10 knee push ups
- 2 sets of 15 bent leg donkey kicks for each leg
- 2 sets of 10 back extensions