Slippery Slope

I am actually feeling a bit concerned right now. Both today and on Saturday I gave into some poorer eating choices, but I am having little remorse over the decisions I made. I feel like these types of days have been sneaking back in just a tad since the start of the year, and I really need to make sure that this is not the start of a trend that will send me back into an unhealthy body.

I want this! I have come too far and worked too hard to let myself lose sight of my goals. I don’t want to start losing my footing on some slippery slope that will see me falling face first into a deep-fried, full-fat, high-calorie, no-nutritional-value-whatsoever, all-you-can-eat dessert and fast food buffet. I have dug my way out of that hole already; why am I risking behaviors that can lead me back into the dark?

I need to get my act together. I know that I have done well so far and that I have nothing to complain about in regards to my weekly weigh-ins, but I am also positive that I could be doing better. I am getting lazy. I know myself, and the habits I have allowed to trickle back into my routine will eventually begin to accumulate – both as an impediment to my general progress and on the scale.

It’s time to recommit. I have to refocus and figure out what my motivation is right now. Why is this important to me?

There have been so many good habits that I have adopted over the past seven months – and most of the time they get me through the days that I lack enthusiasm – but it really helps me to have underlying reasons to accomplish my goals. I must rediscover what those factors are for me, or at least find new ones to help me through the next little while. I have to figure this out…

…and here’s the worst part: I wrote all of the above a couple of hours before posting, knowing full well that I was about to go to the kitchen to hunt for more food in an attempt to round off this bad eating spell prior to admitting to it. I figured that if I was bringing attention to the problem in an attempt to counter it that I may as well enjoy a few last bites before I tackled the issue. This is the same attitude that I had when I used to stuff my face the night before going on a diet. Plus, at one point when I was standing there eating and then heard my husband coming, I turned towards the sink so that he wouldn’t see me continuing to stuff my face with chocolate smeared across my mouth. I even had a couple of tears roll down my cheeks when I caught myself justifying more and more food even after just eating and, again, when I realized I had given myself a stomach ache from consuming so much.

I hate posting this – it feels awful to confess to these behaviors and I actually want to bawl right now – but I have to make sure that I am holding myself accountable even when I am doing something I am far from proud of. I normally feel like I have worked through the majority of my food issues. I think that, by and large, I am finally coping with eating in a regular manner that exemplifies moderation. Then there are days like today.

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 1 banana
- 4 cups Caesar salad with baby shrimp, Parmesan cheese, and croutons
- 6 yam fries with spicy mayonnaise dip
- 6 bites garlic focaccia bread
- 2/3 banana pastry dessert with whipped cream and 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream
- 1 bite chocolate brownie dessert with vanilla ice cream
- 3/4 cup fat free strawberry yogurt with 1 cup Vector cereal
- 1 cup green frozen beans, broccoli, and onions
- 1/4 cup mashed potatoes with margarine
- 3 slices brown sugar and mustard glazed ham with mustard
- 3 white chocolate covered strawberries
- 1 slice of homemade coconut fudge bar
- 2 mugs of chai tea with honey and milk
- 9 pieces of a California sushi roll with soy sauce
- 7 large whole grain crackers with cheese
- 4 bites of a Double Decker chocolate bar
- 1 toasted English muffin with 2 light Laughing Cow wedges
- 1 Tb light peanut butter with chocolate chips

EXERCISE:
- 30 stomach crunches