Good Versus Evil

I managed to fit a very short visit to the mall into today. I bought a cute shirt and a new pair of jeans in sizes medium and 10, respectively. I love being able to try on tops that are more than just completely plain or covered in random sequins - I think I might even be developing somewhat of a sense of style! And I can not believe that I am fitting into size 10’s! I am so excited!

I have just been buying one pair of pants as I get to each size because I simply can’t afford to purchase more. This means that I end up rotating between one pair that is really loose, one that more of less fits well, and a third that is slightly tight. Then, as I lose more weight, I grow out of the biggest pair and buy more to repeat the process. It’s not a perfect plan, but it’s all that my wallet can manage right now.

Anyhow, I recently had to phase out my 16’s and was holding off on new ones for as long as I could. Today, however, I noticed that my 14’s were feeling quite loose themselves so I knew I had to bite the bullet. My 12’s are still doing great, but now I have a pair of 10’s that I can use for the day to day too! Those 14’s are going to have to just be for around the house now because I am constantly having to pull them up. Next stop: single digits!

But before I get too far ahead of myself, I have to recognize something that I did today that was just plain bad. I ate a lot today specifically because I was procrastinating. I didn’t even realize that I was doing it for that reason – I just chalked it up to being extra hungry – but when I was chatting with my husband tonight I suddenly came to appreciate what I had actually done.

I’m not proud of this. In fact, I am actually pretty disappointed in myself. Normally, I think I give myself adequate slack when it comes to slipping up a little, but today I am unimpressed. I had something that I wanted to put off and in order to avoid it I choose to overeat. There are so many things wrong with that sentence!

I know that I can do better than this – and I will – but I just wish I had figured out what I was doing before the end of the night. I don’t like the fact that I wasn’t observant enough to recognize that it was not genuine hunger I was feeling.

At least I am conscious of all the issues that seem to be cropping up for me lately. I know that thinking stuff through will only serve me better in the long run. It’s hard sometimes because I really thought I had a good grasp on the mental stuff – that I had dealt with it all before I even started this journey – yet these types of issues seem to be more and more of a struggle for me lately. I will get it together though. I know I will. Size 8’s, here I come…

FOOD & BEVERAGES:
- 8 glasses of water
- 1 pan-fried banana and light peanut butter wrap on a soft tortilla shell
- 1 pear
- 4 cups of spinach salad with cubed cheese, croutons, dried cranberries, yellow pepper, mushrooms, green onion, and calorie-wise Greek feta and oregano dressing
- 3/4 cup fat free mango-passion fruit yogurt with 1 cup Vector cereal
- 2 cups red grapes
- 3 cups celery with 1 light Laughing Cow wedge
- 1/2 cup corn with margarine
- 1 cup steamed asparagus with margarine
- 1/2 cup steamed potatoes with margarine
- 2 slices mustard and brown sugar glazed ham with mustard
- 1 mug toffee nut steamed skim milk
- 1 apple with cinnamon

EXERCISE:
- 15 minute walk
- 40 minutes of the C25K program (Day 2 of Week 9)