Last night I wrote about how, “I now have thoughts, feelings, and dreams that - a year ago - I didn’t even know could exist.” I typed out those words fully believing them, but before I crawled into bed I was humbled by the raw honesty that I rediscovered in them such a short time after their initial composition.
My husband and I are working towards jogging an entire 5K. We are now on Week 7 of the C25K and will shortly be looking into doing an official race to actualize the culmination of the program. (According to my darling man – who has challenged himself every step of the way along this particular path – said race will be the last time that he partakes in any running activity. Ever.)
Last night, when we were discussing the upcoming pinnacle of this endeavor, I asked him a question. “What do you think of me participating in a 10K?” Even writing that right now brings me back to the moment and I am fighting to keep the tears from coming. I always knew I had lofty aspirations, but never for these types of undertakings.
We talked about it and, in his typical encouraging manner, my husband has me nearly convinced that it is something I could and should look into. I know that there is such a race coming up in May; it’s big, but it’s local. I suspect that I would have to walk for quite a few parts of it, but the fact that I am contemplating it at all is what is amazing to me right now.
As we chatted, I confessed that I still have a picture in my head of what I used to look like. I have a really hard time understanding how that person even thinks that they are capable of the challenges they have actually been rising up to meet. Look at her! She weighs 266 pounds, eats horribly, and never exercises. There’s no way she could ever participate in a 10K! Why would that thought even cross her mind?!
The fact is that it never did. I’m not the exact same individual that I was seven months ago. I have shed countless pounds, many inches, unhealthy habits, insecurities, and mental blocks. And I have bigger dreams.
The image in my head looks a lot different from the woman I now see in the mirror. I need to remember that today’s hopes and desires belong to the individual who appears in the latter… and that she deserves to see them through. It makes me a little sad to know that I never before gave myself the chances that I am these days – that my weight apparently held me back so much more than I ever suspected – but I'm happy that I am finally experiencing this unsuppressed illumination. Nothing can get in my way now… not even myself.
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You can totally do it!!!
ReplyDeleteWell done - you deserve to succeed in everything you do after all the work you have put in to get here. Embrace the "new normal" xx
ReplyDeleteIt is so exciting to hear that you are planning new adventures for your new life! I just looked at your March pic and all I can say is WOW!!! I want to be you!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I've done the C25K in the past and it was no easy task. I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteYou've used your mind to move matter off your body, now it's reaching for new heights. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteYou can totally do the 10K! I know you can!
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it will take a while for your brain to catch up with your body, in that you still have a picture of your old self in your head. Just keep moving forward and your brain will eventually catch up.:-)
It's been a week or so since I've been able to catch up on posts...but was glad to get to do some blog reading tonight. You are always so inspirational to me, and I so resonate with your posts. I'm many months and pounds behind you, but it is encouraging and motivating to learn from those who have 'gone before'. My hubby and I started doing C25K four weeks ago (partially due to influence from you and other bloggers who have been doing it). After week 2, my hubby dropped out of the training, so I've been solo the last two weeks. It has been hard, but I am determined. Can't wait til I'm at week 7! I already have my 5K picked out...on Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteI say "Go For It" regarding the 10K! Many years ago, when I was in better shape, I signed up with a friend to do what I thought was a 5K. I got there, prepared to do a 5K. Turns out my friend gave me the wrong info - it was a 10K! I walked a little less than half of it, here and there, but still wasn't the last one in...and it felt great to accomplish it!
Holly @ Making Over Me
http://makingoverme.blogspot.com
Isn't it amazing?! You could do a 10K in May, no doubt about it. What a wonderful change in your thought process, though. To even consider a race like that - it just shows how far you've come emotionally as well as physically!
ReplyDeleteAmazing! You should be on TV, inspiring people.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many ways that I hide behind my fat and miss out on living life to its fullest. Your honesty today seems to be aimed right at my heart (as I sit here with tears streaming down my face). Thank you for sharing these thoughts with all of us who are still moving slowly towards that first goal.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I look at your progress pictures, I'm so amazed. I can't imagine there's anything you can't do if you set your mind to it.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds great and inspirational!
ReplyDeleteIt will take time for your mental image to catch up to your actual image.
ReplyDeleteI have lost slower, been at it longer and I still have issues with it.
You will get there, in the mean time...every actual goal accomplished will help cement the new you in your brain pan.
Keep up the great work. You look fantastic btw.
Wow! You are all such an inspiration to me to keep plugging away at this! Thank you for all of your insights and encouragement... I am not worthy.
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