Thursday, January 14, 2010

How Can I Help You?

Lately I have noticed that a couple of my friends have started making comments about the shape they are in. Specifically, I have heard one tell me that she really needs to get back to the gym and another has remarked on how she is feeling very large these days.

I am sure that I have heard similar declarations from friends before, but they were always statements that made me feel like they were being too critical of themselves, considering the far worse off state that I was in. I don’t know if the remarks are stated differently now that I have lost so much weight myself, or if it is just my own different processing of the comments, but I feel like perhaps there is an invitation embedded within them now. Are they looking for help or reassurance or both?

I’m not sure that there is much I can do in these situations. For me, prior to when I started this five months ago, the thought of having someone offer to assist me in starting on a weight loss journey probably would have sent me straight to the cookie jar – if not right away, at least after a few days of ‘being good’ had taken their toll. I am not positive that changing one’s lifestyle is something a person can do unless they are completely ready, and I am even less certain about the likelihood of success if they are prodded into it by a well-intentioned friend.

I would certainly assist in any way I could if I was asked, and I don’t think that I would have any issues with pointing out where loved ones were faltering if it were seriously damaging them. However, I believe that discovering a true desire to change habits has to come from within, not from someone who may or may not be correctly picking up on hints to help out.

Besides, I don’t think my friends have much to complain about in the first place. I am still at a point where I look forward to having the type of body they are so fed up with!


  1. I struggle with this a lot. So many people ask me for support, motivation, and help. And I want to give it, too much of it!
    But I can't WANT it more than they do for themselves. Just like you said, it has to be their own pivotal point to make them WANT it bad enough to make my help even apply to them.
    But is very hard, listening to it.

    That was a long way to say.. I hear ya, sistah!

  2. I don't know but maybe they are asking for suggestions without really saying it. You ca always say that you are on your journey & what you have learned is that there is no miracle pill. IT is hard work, eating better & moving the bod. That tells them that if they are looking for advice from you, it means they better be ready to put the hard work into it! :-)

  3. I think you are absolutely right...maybe they are tossing pebbles in the water.
    Waiting to hear...
    "Boy you could stand to lose a few"...from you.good job on saying nothing.
    I'd let them bring it up. lol.

  4. I totally agree with you on this topic. Very well said.

    When they ask, I think you'd be a great friend to just tell them what you are doing and then let them take it or leave it.

    It definitely takes a person having their own desire to really change for it to work - I know it did me.

    And I laughed at "look forward to having a body they are so fed up with". I told a lady at school that just today after she was done complaining about how fat she was getting. For her the roll in her middle was bigger, but it was still smaller than mine. :)